part time nanny dictates what she wears in my house.

[lemonstrawberry]

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

I’m confused, so you want her to change when she arrives, but not when she leaves?

You sound like a controlling nightmare. As long as she changes at your request I don’t see it matters what she is wearing.

We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

Doubt anyone would take the time to dress if there was a fire alarm in the middle of the night. You're being silly.

Why are you so bothered? I assume she isn't taking your child out?

But I feel like hey, it's my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.

Yes, but you’re not paying her to tell her what to wear. Your lucky she’s willing to comply with your ‘change of clothes’ rule at all.

I don't understand why it matters about what indoor clothes she wears so long as it meets your request about changing? Your request is non-standard so you probably need to meet half way.

You sound like a difficult employer!

I can’t believe you are dictating that she change clothes in the first place let alone telling her what to wear.

YABU. She gets changed like you ask, what she wears doesn’t impact her caring for your child does it?

Oh this cannot be real.

You’re being very shortsighted and more than a little foolish. The nanny does not want to be your friend, she’s being polite to her employer. Get your head out your backside.

What is the actual problem?

You are being unreasonable if it's not impacting your child. And also for use of the phrase "jim jams."

You want her to wear outdoor clothing in case of a fire alarm?!!

This is crazy. Presumably because of your daughter’s immuno-compromised status she doesn’t take her out

So, she doesn’t need to wear outdoor clothing when she changes!!

YABU @lemonstrawberry but you also sound disdainful and a bit controlling. Be glad you have someone who understands the health consideration enough to change in the first place

I suppose if this is genuinely a problem you could provide her with a uniform. Which of course you would keep at your home and launder.

You do sound controlling.

I hope you'll make it clear to the next nanny up front what your requirements are.

Hm, I definitely would not be returning to work for you. Fair enough you want her to change ok arrival but you can’t stipulate what she wears when she is with you or whether she does or doesn’t change when she leaves.

Best idea, a nice comfy set of scrubs?

If you're worried about clothes that have been worn outdoors/on public transport, indoor pyjamas sound ideal. If she changed into joggers, how do you know she hadn't worn those the day before on a bus? Do you check they are freshly laundered? Your demands are high already and she is accommodating them. Go with it.

She’s changing her clothes so I don’t see the issue here

You sound like an absolute nightmare tbh

If your child was in hospital, the medics would not be changing their clothing between seeing each patient. They would just wear an apron, gloves etc. Can't you ask her to do this instead?

We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

This is a bizarre statement, I sleep naked and can assure you that apart from grabbing my dressing gown I would be out of the house asap if there was a fire, no one stops to change their clothes or get dressed in the vent of a fire.

You continue the strangeness by wanting her to change on arrival but not when she leaves.

She is complying with an inconvenient request and if she's doing the job well then I'm not sure sacking her is a smart move.

Give her a uniform. You wash it.

Only one of you is going to regret how this turned out, I suspect.

This cannot possibly be true.