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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

part time nanny dictates what she wears in my house.

214 replies

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

OP posts:
KeepScrapingBy · 02/01/2023 07:47

Are your hygiene standards consistently or are you expecting more of her than you would do yourself?
For example do you also change into a clean set of clothes when you come home after being outside the home?

WandaWonder · 02/01/2023 07:47

I wonder how many nanny's you will go through with the agency if you try this for all, if actually true

londonrach · 02/01/2023 07:48

Yabu. Can't believe it. You like you agrees to change her clothes....doubt you find someone else who agrees. You sound very controlling. Has to be made up...

Womencanlift · 02/01/2023 07:50

I don’t understand why she would need to change if there was a fire alarm?

Wouldnt the priority be to get out of the house? You know because of the fire 🤷‍♀️

Twiglets1 · 02/01/2023 07:50

Are you for real? Let the poor woman wear what she wants to wear and stop being so controlling.

itsgettingweird · 02/01/2023 07:56

I'm going against the brain here.

Most jobs have a dress code and standard.

I work in education and cannot just wear what I want in the classroom!

But you need to make it official via contract. If part of the job requires changing from outdoor clothes it needs to be factored into the employed time and she's paid during this time. Same for if she chooses to change to go home. I expect she doesn't want to launder - nor should she have to - 2 sets of clothing a day.

I would either look to re employ with different policy and a set contract or make the arrangement official and you should allow her to change both ends of her shift and launder her "Work clothes" for her.

Harperweek · 02/01/2023 07:57

You don’t sound good to work for OP. The nanny is getting changed.

BadShepherd · 02/01/2023 08:00

This is bonkers. You do realise the help’s breath will have more “germs” than her clothes right?

MarshaBradyo · 02/01/2023 08:00

SharksInTheTea · 02/01/2023 07:37

I'm getting cynical because nothing on here sounds real to me, anymore.

yep

B1993 · 02/01/2023 08:02

As long as she’s not changing into a silky/lace nightdress (🫣), I can’t see the issue here. She’s met your request to change so that your daughter isn’t out as risk and that’s the priority, right?

However, most employees do have to adhere to a dress code so I understand somewhat that you want her to wear professional attire, whatever the reason.

Ultimately, if it bothers you, you’ll have to look for a new employee. Make clear from the start what you’re expectations are so you don’t have the same issues.

anyolddinosaur · 02/01/2023 08:05

Good luck finding a replacement willing to accommodate you. Unless there are high unemployment rates where you live you'll need to pay a lot extra to find someone prepared to work for you.

bizzywiththefizzy · 02/01/2023 08:06

I'm dreading asking , what does your child wear to go out ? I mean I presume your child does go out .

FestivePinkFairy · 02/01/2023 08:07

In the unlikely event this is true, YABU. She's not going out with your child and is putting clean clothes on as you ask. You have no right to tell her what clean clothes she should wear.

Hayliebells · 02/01/2023 08:07

So your nanny has told you she think's you're being unreasonable (you are by the way, massively), and threatened to quit. Why you haven't then backed down and just said "ok, sorry to have upset you, you keep wearing what you want and getting changed when you leave" is beyond me. If you persist with this attitude, she will quit, and who would blame her? Your next nanny will probably quit too, then the next, how is that good for your child? She's getting changed as you ask, from reading the post I thought you were going to say she was wearing something really inappropriate, I don't see the issue with loungewear. Just because you're paying her, it doesn't mean you can dictate exactly what she wears, unless you provide a uniform. And she might not like the uniform/find it comfortable, then quit anyway. Just let her wear what she likes FFS, unless you really do want to her quit, but good luck finding a nanny who will put up with your nonsense!!

CocoLux · 02/01/2023 08:12

You sound like a nightmare. Poor woman.

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 02/01/2023 08:13

steff13 · 02/01/2023 07:14

You are being unreasonable if it's not impacting your child. And also for use of the phrase "jim jams."

@steff13 laughing my head off 😂

Noodlehen · 02/01/2023 08:14

I really hope she quits and you’re forced to use agency staff so you can see how reasonable the previous nanny was!

TirisfalPumpkin · 02/01/2023 08:17

I'm just trying to understand this:

We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She would change out of her 'jim jams' into outdoor clothing again (a third set? her commute clothes?) and only then take your child out of the building, while the fire alarms were going off?

Has this actually happened? Has she expressed that not being seen in PJs is a higher priority than fire safety?

I've lived in a country with modesty rules and a tradition of wearing soft comfy indoor clothes while at home, but if your house was literally on fire and you ran outside in your PJs, literally nobody would bat an eyelid. I'm just struggling to get my head around this. If it's like that, I'd be more concerned about her judgement than infection risk from clothing.

Pinkflipflop85 · 02/01/2023 08:17

"Against the brain" 😂

Elderflower14 · 02/01/2023 08:18

Another who can't believe that you have told her what she can and can't wear!!

vera99 · 02/01/2023 08:18

You sound mad.

Littledoglegs · 02/01/2023 08:19
  1. If there is a fire alarm, nobody gives a shit that you're in your PJ who the hell changes for a fire alarm?!
  2. Some PJ's are very smart looking and like a tracksuit
  3. If she can enter your house in her dirty commuter clothes why can't she leave your house in her dirty commuter clothes again? Presumably the germs have already been brought in by her walking in.
justcouldntthinkofausername · 02/01/2023 08:19

Troll surely ?

Littledoglegs · 02/01/2023 08:19

her comment about 'get a stranger from the agency' is manipulative. I wouldn't have her back again just for that even though you were a bit of a dictator about her clothes.

GrazingSheep · 02/01/2023 08:20

This is some made up shit, isn't it?

Has to be.