part time nanny dictates what she wears in my house.

[lemonstrawberry]

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

She’s not wearing them in public though is she?! She’s wearing them indoors. Changing her clothes at OP request. Not the same scenario at all.

I don’t think this has been asked but does she do a night shift? Sleeping in at yours? In which case yabu. If it’s daytime then I’d find it odd but if she’s not taking your dd out then I’d leave her be. So long as she gets changed into clean clothes then that’s the main thing surely?

You’re overstepping the mark

You continue the strangeness by wanting her to change on arrival but not when she leaves.

You know why that is, don't you? So nanny has to launder the clothes in her own time at her own expense in her home, rather than the OP doing it.

I look forward to further updates months from now when @lemonstrawberry has been blacklisted by every nanny/agency in town.

YABU - if she's not going out of the house what does it matter what she wears? If you want to dictate what your childcare provider wears then you need to provide a uniform for them to change into and then be responsible for laundering and storing it between visits.

like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable.

What exactly does this mean though?

If it's just loungewear - loose, lightweight clothing - then I don't see how it's practically different to leggings/joggers and a t-shirt in that it's loose enough to move freely, keeps you cool, is appropriate for childcare (Ie no high heels and tight clothes that are impractical for running around after a child) and is a top and bottoms that cover everything it needs to cover (ie no low cut tops or short skirts)

My 2yo and 5yo nieces stayed over at my house last night ... I have spent the morning in a pair of pink slippers, red harem pants, a navy stretchy long sleeved top and a yellow jumper that I wear around the house. This outfit is my PJs but I also own harem pants, long sleeved t-shirts and jumpers that are "outdoor clothing" that can be worn out of the house, especially if the fire alarm went off.

It's an eclectic look and if I was dressing to go outside then I'd definitely colour coordinate better, but otherwise totally appropriate for the crawling round the floor getting into their den, sitting crossed legged on the floor to play with Duplo and having freedom of movement that comes with doing childcare.

She’s not wearing them in public though is she?! She’s wearing them indoors. Changing her clothes at OP request. Not the same scenario at all.

She's wearing them at her place of work. I don't know any job where you aren't working within your own home where you can wear PYjamas.

MN is odd at times 🤷‍♀️

This is not a real thread ! 😀

OP not been back? I am surprised.

You can't dictate wha she wears. Unless you want a uniform. Making her cage he clothes is ridiculous.

And we all travel to work in our work clothes.

You're making a very non-standard request, that she's gone along with. I suggest you meet her halfway.

You sound a really weird, difficult employer.

I used to babysit when I was in my teens/20s ... I would always wear comfortable clothes - leggings and hoodie/joggers and t-shirt - that would be totally inappropriate to wear to my current job in retail but we're perfectly appropriate for the job I was doing, running round after children, and are no different from the things I wear to bed (comfortable trousers and a top) beyond the classification that one t-shirt is for sleeping in and another is for wearing outside 🤷

There's also a difference between PJs that are nightwear to be worn in bed and PJs that are loungewear - comfy loose trousers and t-shirts - to be worn around the house. The former is not appropriate but I see no issue with the latter when your job is to be with a child all day, especially if you're not going out of the house.

She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work.

Honestly, I suspect it will be easier for her to find work than it will be for you to keep a nanny!

Because on several occasions before, she came directly to the house after visiting her son, and her son smokes. Her clothes were stinking of smoke, and she needs to put my child to sleep or likes to snuggle up to the nanny when watching TV.

I would not ask otherwise were it not for her clothes smelling of smoke.

And maybe some people might have been more reasonable in their responses if you’d included your actual reason for her changing clothes (smoke smell) in your OP, rather than dripfeeding it on page 6.

So which is it - need to protect immunocompromised child, or not liking the smell of smoke?

So which is it - need to protect immunocompromised child, or not liking the smell of smoke?

This ⬆️

I don't want to sound rude but those are two very different reasons for the nanny needing to change.

If you were to hire a new nanny since things clearly haven't worked out with this one, would you expect them to change if they don't smoke/ aren't around smokers? Or is the main priority not allowing 'outside germs' into your home?

At the end of the day, you are the employer so can implement a dress policy (as I teacher, I have one for my place of work, which is often considered 'strict') so wouldn't be out of the question. But, enforcing clothes changes and all the rest still does seem somewhat pushy.

It's not a nanny that you need. You need someone who will give you the attention you so evidently require.

So why not just say that in your opening post?

Or was the thread not going your way?

I agree with you in that she shouldn’t appear slovenly and wear lounge wear but the big about having to change because of germs is ludicrous.

So it's about her smelling of smoke, nothing to do with germs .

She's wearing them at her place of work. I don't know any job where you aren't working within your own home where you can wear PYjamas.

When the role involves snuggling on the sofa watching tv in a home from home environment then lounge wear is entirely appropriate. The jobs you're thinking of don't involve that!

We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

High rise under a bridge methinks.

So if her clothes didn't smell of smoke you'd be fine with the fact that she comes "after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters" and your daughter's weak immunology is totally irrelevant? Why mention them, then?

The term “immunology” is meaningless on this context. Immunology is the study of the immune system. It’s not a health condition.

What is your dd’s diagnosis? The fact that you’re using the wrong terminology makes me think this is all fabricated or perhaps stemming from your own anxiety or paranoia.

Fixating on a baby sitter’s attire and making the issue a “sackable” offence is irrational.

So, you dictate that she changes yet don't like what she changes into. Nice touch of ageism at the end there , too. I hope the woman leaves you high and dry - I'd have walked before now, you're bloody lucky she hasn't.