Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

part time nanny dictates what she wears in my house.

214 replies

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

OP posts:
absolutelyincandescentwithrage · 03/01/2023 10:33

Just seen your frankly unbelievable smoker update - I find it hard to believe that someone as princessy as you would have hired a smoker in the first place. But then the thread wasn't really going the way you wanted, was it?

Twillow · 03/01/2023 10:35

Has she actually said that she would change in case of a fire alarm or have you guessed this?

Bonjovispyjamas · 03/01/2023 10:37

Huge drip feed there 🙄 I work as a nanny and would tell you where to go.

absolutelyincandescentwithrage · 03/01/2023 10:39

This has been picked up by The Mail, consensus there is you're batshit too.

SmileyClare · 03/01/2023 11:23

absolutelyincandescentwithrage · 03/01/2023 10:39

This has been picked up by The Mail, consensus there is you're batshit too.

Scraping the barrel there. It seems clear op is on a wind up or mentally unwell.
It’s hardly tabloid entertainment.

Bellaboo01 · 03/01/2023 11:42

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

You have asked her to change when she gets into your home. Why do you care what these clothes are that she is changing into?

If there is a fire alarm then i guarantee you that people wont be looking at her 'lounge wear/PJ's) and she wont care what she is wearing either.

Bellaboo01 · 03/01/2023 11:45

lemonstrawberry · 03/01/2023 08:24

Because on several occasions before, she came directly to the house after visiting her son, and her son smokes. Her clothes were stinking of smoke, and she needs to put my child to sleep or likes to snuggle up to the nanny when watching TV.

I would not ask otherwise were it not for her clothes smelling of smoke.

This is a completely different reason to what you said in your original post.

It still doesn't make it ok for you to dictate what her second outfit should be.

Tessabelle74 · 03/01/2023 17:51

I'm a carer and visiting multiple clients and I don't change, nor would I! I hope she finds someone less unreasonable to work for

Newwardrobe · 03/01/2023 17:56

Seriously 🙄

csigeek · 03/01/2023 17:59

Wow! She’s better off without you! Christ alive

FedUpWithEverything123 · 03/01/2023 18:00

So you lied in your first post, about the germs? It's really smoke that you object to?
Also how can you make her change once, but not let her change twice? It makes no sense OP! You are bat-shit crazy!

cavalier · 03/01/2023 18:00

Let her dress as she wishes … as long as your child is being looked after properly… I can’t see the issue .. with respect you’re not her mother after all

KateADM · 03/01/2023 18:03

Your original post said "When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes."

Now you're saying it's the smell of smoke so you sound more reasonable. 🙄

QueenoftheFarts · 03/01/2023 18:05

I hope she finds another job. You sound like an intolerable arse.

wentworthinmate · 03/01/2023 18:13

YABU. I would quit if you told me what to wear and that I should not change before leaving. I've met you halfway changing already, it stops there.

niugboo · 03/01/2023 18:13

You’re completely unreasonable. You’ve asked her to change which is already a big ask. And now you’re dictating what she changes into AND whether she gets changed back.

she’s presumably opting for easy to wear / wash clothes. I would quit.

NurseryNurse10 · 03/01/2023 18:15

What's the issue with loungewear? If you want her to have a certain uniform then you need to provide it.

Mumkins42 · 03/01/2023 18:17

I don't know what the research and evidence say regards catching a virus from clothing. If nanny is herself not infected then I really believe the risks would be negligible if at all.
Requesting regular handwashing seems reasonable. This feels like an over cautious and not well researched rule you're asking her to follow which I imagine will have zero impact on your child's health. If clothes smell badly of ciggies I get that - that's awful and I react badly to that as well as strong perfume.

Sounds like it's worth really being clear in your mind as to what actually will put your child at harm and letting go of the other stuff.

BoneTiredMother · 03/01/2023 18:23

Think you need to refer this to people sheltering from bombs and missile strikes in the subways in Kyiv. They would have better understanding of the 'problem' you have posted such a long message about.

Pepsi2001 · 03/01/2023 18:30

YABU.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 03/01/2023 18:31

Why don’t you get her a nice unisex navy blue uniform? Sounds right up your street! How dare you!

MarvellousMonsters · 03/01/2023 18:35

Provide her with a uniform that she can change into when she gets to your house, and leave behind when she goes home

Vergeofbreakdown23 · 03/01/2023 18:41

lemonstrawberry · 03/01/2023 08:24

Because on several occasions before, she came directly to the house after visiting her son, and her son smokes. Her clothes were stinking of smoke, and she needs to put my child to sleep or likes to snuggle up to the nanny when watching TV.

I would not ask otherwise were it not for her clothes smelling of smoke.

Make your mind up! You said it was because of her using public transport!
Anyway YABVU

Autumn61 · 03/01/2023 18:45

Jeez , Imelda Marcos is alive and well !

AllyArty · 03/01/2023 18:45

I think it is hard to dictate what a woman in her 60s should wear when she is in your house. Do you want her to be your paid help or your friend? I don’t think she can both.

Swipe left for the next trending thread