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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

part time nanny dictates what she wears in my house.

214 replies

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

OP posts:
tunthebloodyalarmoff · 02/01/2023 08:22

Are you serious. It's over the top bonkers to even ask her to change in the first place but then to complain about what she wears is just pathetic. If there was a fire I doubt anyone would care she's in her pjs. You need to realise none of this is normal you need help. I don't blame her for leaving

Celticdawn5 · 02/01/2023 08:22

@itsgettingweird is the voice of reason
No idea why there’s been such a pile on for the OP
i think it’s reasonable for an employer to have a dress code…it’s not a pyjama party.
it’s also reasonable to factor in the time for changing clothes for this particular employee or/and supplying suitable clothing
I’d probably go with an Agency and keep it professional.

schnauzerbeard · 02/01/2023 08:24

You sound like Kim Kardashian! Does she have a colour palette she needs to stick to as well? OP I understand that your daughter is immunosuppressed but you can't exert this level of control on a casual nanny! If she changes then that is enough, you cannot dictate what she changes into, as long as it is clean. Poor nanny.

TwilightArbour · 02/01/2023 08:27

If its not working, do as she said go to an agency and get another, she's given you the suggestion follow it.
Paying above minimum wage, well its your child, nanny's tend to cost well above minimum wage, not surprising really.
She can leave an apartment in pyjamas, I've left a block of flats when an alarm went off in pyjamas, no one gave a fuck.

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 02/01/2023 08:27

I think your professional relationship is broken.
You sound a bit ott.
Wearing pyjamas at work is weird and shows a level of disrespect imo.
You both need to move on.

shockthemonkey · 02/01/2023 08:28

Apart from single solitary pp who in her own words went “against the brain”, the consensus is YABU.

I can’t get over your use of the word “dictates” to refer to someone exercising her last iota of autonomy in the face of your controlling behaviour. 🤔

SmileyClare · 02/01/2023 08:31

my daughter has weak immunology

Immunology is the study of the immune system.

I'm calling troll.

catclimbedtree · 02/01/2023 08:32

@lemonstrawberry I think you should possibly post under the Childcare section.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/childcare

I personally think that if people turned up at a nursery to be greeted by staff in their pyjamas they wouldn't be okay about it. There is a wealth of "lounge wear" which is extremely comfortable and doesn't look like pyjamas. Places of work have dress codes. On the childcare section there are nannies and people who employ nannies. I understand the need for her to change, but pyjamas are a ridiculous choice. Also anyone arguing does it matter what they wear as long as they do a good job why doesn't everyone everywhere just wear pyjamas then? Judges, school teachers, supermarket workers. Where is the line?

The point the OP is making is she has employed a person to look after her child. This person is not dressed appropriately for work and the OP believes that as she is wearing pyjamas she would not leave the flat that way meaning she would change again into her commuting clothes which she does now anyway.

kingtamponthefurred · 02/01/2023 08:37

Personally I would insist on her wearing the full Mary Poppins outfit, complete with magic umbrella.

00100001 · 02/01/2023 08:38

ClaireVictorias · 02/01/2023 07:24

Wow you sound annoying.
Making her change is ridiculous anyway, what do you think she’ll catch on her clothes ffs?! Then not letting her choose what she changes in to is just unreasonable. She’s right, find someone else and specify this in the job description.

Ha ha I'd you'd said this back in 20202 people would have jumped in you.

Don't you remember the people who would make every single person change clothes as soon as they came in the house and quarantined their post for days???

kitcat15 · 02/01/2023 08:38

If this is true…you are being ridiculous

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/01/2023 08:39

Eyesopenwideawake · 02/01/2023 07:11

We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

Doubt anyone would take the time to dress if there was a fire alarm in the middle of the night. You're being silly.

This. ^

If the fire alarm sounded in the middle of the night, would you and your family bother to change into "clothes you would wear outside"?

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/01/2023 08:41

kingtamponthefurred · 02/01/2023 08:37

Personally I would insist on her wearing the full Mary Poppins outfit, complete with magic umbrella.

Sadly, not all of them have Norton standards . . . 😄

SamPoodle123 · 02/01/2023 08:43

I do not see why everyone is saying the poster is in the wrong. She is the employer and if she wishes to dictate what the nanny wears, I do not see this as a problem. I have seen nannies wearing nurse type uniforms. Or staff working in a wealthy household wearing the same type of clothes (uniform) so they match. If you work at mcdonalds you wear a uniform, so not sure what the big deal is to request no pyjamas. I would go find someone else though, as this one sounds difficult.

shockthemonkey · 02/01/2023 08:43

Yeah but I doubt she’s really wearing pajamas.

OP says it’s “like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing”. It’s like sleepwear so is it actually just a lounge suit for example? One of those onesies that used to be the rage?

00100001 · 02/01/2023 08:43

catclimbedtree · 02/01/2023 08:32

@lemonstrawberry I think you should possibly post under the Childcare section.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/childcare

I personally think that if people turned up at a nursery to be greeted by staff in their pyjamas they wouldn't be okay about it. There is a wealth of "lounge wear" which is extremely comfortable and doesn't look like pyjamas. Places of work have dress codes. On the childcare section there are nannies and people who employ nannies. I understand the need for her to change, but pyjamas are a ridiculous choice. Also anyone arguing does it matter what they wear as long as they do a good job why doesn't everyone everywhere just wear pyjamas then? Judges, school teachers, supermarket workers. Where is the line?

The point the OP is making is she has employed a person to look after her child. This person is not dressed appropriately for work and the OP believes that as she is wearing pyjamas she would not leave the flat that way meaning she would change again into her commuting clothes which she does now anyway.

I don't wear PJs to work because my work isn't at home with a 5yo that apparently never goes outside with me....

When I work from home, I wear casual clothes and.... shock horror.... Have been known to wear PJs..

Mummieslncorporated · 02/01/2023 08:43

You haven't thought this through op.

If she was wearing things that she could wear outdoors, and the fire alarm went off, then she wouldn't get charged before leaving - so then she wouldn't be able to go back into the house as she would have nothing to change into, after being outside with all the other people evacuated from the building!

Maybe she needs to take two sets of clothes to change into, just in case...

ClemDanFango · 02/01/2023 08:48

Cool story bro

Sugarplumfairy65 · 02/01/2023 08:49

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/01/2023 07:12

But I feel like hey, it's my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.

Yes, but you’re not paying her to tell her what to wear. Your lucky she’s willing to comply with your ‘change of clothes’ rule at all.

Its quite normal if you are working somewhere with a seriously immune compromised person to change out of street clothing.

SleeplessInEngland · 02/01/2023 08:50

I hope this is a wind-up thread.

catclimbedtree · 02/01/2023 08:51

@00100001 but does your boss see you in your pyjamas when you work from home or would you put different clothes on? This person is working in someone else's home.

Getamoveon36 · 02/01/2023 08:53

You sound totally unreasonable. Either provide some form of PPE you require an employee to use (pay for it, clean it, have it ready for her to use again) or stop moaning when she does in fact comply with your bonkers request to change into alternative clothing. I’d walk frankly, if I was the employee.

SherbetDips · 02/01/2023 08:54

You can’t dictate to your Nanny what she wears. I mean you’re lucky she agrees to change her clothes. I wouldn’t be doing that.

magicthree · 02/01/2023 08:58

I'm surprised she ever returned after the first time. You cannot dictate whether she changes again when she leaves, and she is doing as you asked in changing her clothes when she arrives - you cannot dictate what she wears (unless you supply a uniform). Good luck with keeping any nanny in the future!

Thedogscollar · 02/01/2023 09:02

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

What the hell have I just read😳
It's far too early for this level of madness.