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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

part time nanny dictates what she wears in my house.

214 replies

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

OP posts:
Sennelier1 · 03/01/2023 18:50

Do you also check if she washes thoroughly enough? Lots of germes on the human body.

Jedsnewstar · 03/01/2023 18:53

KangarooKenny · 02/01/2023 07:11

You sound like a controlling nightmare. As long as she changes at your request I don’t see it matters what she is wearing.

This.

Glad she dumped you.

Hopeistaysane · 03/01/2023 18:57

KangarooKenny · 02/01/2023 07:11

You sound like a controlling nightmare. As long as she changes at your request I don’t see it matters what she is wearing.

Was about to say the same, OP sounds like a nightmare to me.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 03/01/2023 18:58

kingtamponthefurred · 03/01/2023 09:41

We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

High rise under a bridge methinks.

😁😁😁

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2023 18:59

Sennelier1 · 03/01/2023 18:50

Do you also check if she washes thoroughly enough? Lots of germes on the human body.

Don't give her ideas.

Justbefair · 03/01/2023 19:00

Does it really matter what she wears if she does her job well? She's in her 60s, had a lifetime of dressing for work, she's in a home where I'm sure she feels comfortable. Would u rather someone who is more concerned about chipping a gel nail or losing a fake eyelash? X

Iziz · 03/01/2023 19:02

Even if she changes she is still touching her clothes while changing I don't think it's reducing any amount of germs she is bringing in to be honest .

hidingmynameforthis · 03/01/2023 19:03

"She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one."

This is really unpleasant - 'won't be easy for her to find work, 'time to look for another one'. Absolutely foul attitude.

Buffs · 03/01/2023 20:15

YABVU

Nakedornotnaked · 03/01/2023 20:20

YANBU OP, but I don't think you've gone far enough with this tbh

I'd propose you have a decontamination airlock fitted to your front door. Then make her strip off in there, hose her down with a disinfectant fluid and then give her a good old fogging. Maybe even consider throwing louse powder on her, Shawshank style! Present her with a fresh hazmat suit and while she's changing into that, use a flame-thrower on her pathogen-riddled clothing and burn it all!

Or you could chill a bit

Her clean lounge style clothing/pyjamas are absolutely fine. You're being ridiculous.

Sounds like you're more concerned about the embarrassment she would cause you for exiting a hypothetically burning building in loungewear than you are about her comfort each day.

If she's a good nanny, why is her wearing loungewear such a problem that you'd lose her over this? Or is it that you just want to force your 'superiority' and authority over her and its backfired, because she won't allow you to be THAT controlling?

Good for her. You hire her for her childcare services. She still changes into clean clothing at your request for the health of your child. But she is under no obligation to be told what to wear when you're not her employer.

Chevybaby · 03/01/2023 20:56

YABU. If your child likes and trusts this nanny I think you’re mad to make a fuss over something so trivial. No doubt parenting a child who is immuno compromised is very stressful, particularly nowadays, but you should try to loosen up a bit and focus your energy on the important stuff.

Littlepicker · 03/01/2023 21:00

You sound a bit bonkers tbh

purpledalmation · 03/01/2023 21:17

@OP. Well that's a change about. You said it was because your son was vulnerable.

RosetteNebula · 03/01/2023 21:21

If this is true this is one of the most ridiculous threads I've ever seen on MN.

Mamanyt · 04/01/2023 00:05

I guarantee you, IF the building catches fire, she will grab your DC and leave in what she is wearing. I've been there. NO ONE changes clothes to escape a fire. Well...no one still living, at any rate. And no one, having escaped a fire, is the least bit embarrassed by what they are wearing.

However, having had the discussion with her that you have had, I imagine that your relationship with her is quite, and possibly irreparably, damaged. Good luck.

SnowlayRoundabout · 04/01/2023 00:10

If she were escaping a fire, it wouldn't be that big a deal that she was wearing pyjamas anyway. In any block of high rise flats, there must be a few residents who are nightshift workers who sleep during the day, so she wouldn't be on her own in wearing pyjama type garments.

Shauny098 · 04/01/2023 00:57

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

You sound like a nightmare! If your daughter leaves the house/goes to school/the park/outside then you’re being an absolute lunatic!

Blueink · 04/01/2023 01:51

YABU - what difference does it make? Presumably what she is carrying to change in to is more light weight than clothes ur suggesting as she is on public transport.

If there was a fire she could put her coat on top?

Celestine70 · 04/01/2023 03:03

You are being ridiculous.

Themind · 04/01/2023 04:12

Hopefully she'll tell her nanny friends what a nightmare you are so they can avoid you.

Stewball01 · 04/01/2023 05:59

Your poor daughter.

FlorenceAndTheVendingMachine · 04/01/2023 06:28

I can understand you not wanting her to wear the clothes she wore to commute, but trying to give her rules about changing before she leaves etc is a bit bonkers.

JerryGiraffe · 04/01/2023 08:20

Sorry you've had so many shitty comments! I understand your rationale behind changing, it is sensible and is what care staff and nurses do to protect vulnerable people. I also understand why you would want her to at least get dressed to come to work. Not sure why so many people think it's OK for someone to work in their pyjamas! If you're not comfortable with her wandering around your home in pyjamas, definitely ask her to wear something appropriate- it definitely isn't the dine thing to tip up to work anywhere in nightwear! I'm amazed people think it is 🤣

GirlFaeMars · 04/01/2023 08:38

Buy her a uniform, ask her to wear it while in your home, and you launder it. Otherwise, let her wear what she wants. You ABU to expect her to wear one outfit to travel, another to work, then travel in the work wear. If she wants to wear the clothes she travelled in to travel home, that’s none of your business.

Gingernan · 04/01/2023 09:08

Gosh you sound hard work. I am a trained nannie/ nursery nurse and never worked for anyone so silly. If she is clean and tidily dressed you have nothing to fear.

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