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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

part time nanny dictates what she wears in my house.

214 replies

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 07:09

I have a part time nanny I use every now and again. My daughter has really weak immuniology. When she comes after having travelled on public transport squishing with all the other commuters, I ask her to change into a clean set of clothes. When she finishes, she can just leave with the new set of clothes she is wearing.

However, she changes into like sleepwear jim jams pyjama type clothing because it is comfortable. Then when she leaves, she has to change back all over again. I asked could she just change into something like. a tracksuit or top and bottoms, but no, she likes her pyjama style clothing ! Which you would NOT wear out in daylight. We live in a high rise, and if there was a fire alarm etc, then she would go get changed again.

She is angry at me for telling her to just stop all this changing back and forth, and now is messing around and told me last minute that I can go to an agency to hire a. stranger. I am really annoyed because she is the one who wants to be my friend these past two years, and I have paid her above the hourly rate, and always paid her several hundreds of pounds in advance when she didn't have money. She is in her 60s..but honestly, it won't be easy for her to find work. But I feel like hey, it'ss my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.Time to look for another one.

OP posts:
bitfit · 02/01/2023 07:23

You sound like an absolute nightmare. If you're insisting that she gets changed then I think you're going to have to provide a uniform for her

Athenen0ctua · 02/01/2023 07:24

Assume it's a pyjama set no more revealing or unsuitable than other clothing, something you could wear to a pyjama day at school or in photos on Christmas morning?

MintJulia · 02/01/2023 07:24

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/01/2023 07:12

But I feel like hey, it's my home, and I am paying you to provide a service.

Yes, but you’re not paying her to tell her what to wear. Your lucky she’s willing to comply with your ‘change of clothes’ rule at all.

This.

If her clothes are clean, non-hazardous and not sexually revealing, how is it your concern? She is there to do a job, not pander to your style whims. If you want a uniformed nanny, you'll have to provide her with scrubs and have them laundered for her.

And with the current skills shortage, it will be very easy for her to find alternative work. Stop imagining you are doing her a favour. She is an employee with rights.

Ponoka7 · 02/01/2023 07:24

TheCaddieisaBaddie · 02/01/2023 07:19

If your child was in hospital, the medics would not be changing their clothing between seeing each patient. They would just wear an apron, gloves etc. Can't you ask her to do this instead?

Don't do that it's very clinical and blocks the benefits of having a long term nanny. In children's hospices staff often change clothes rather than go clinical. It isn't nice for children to be surrounded by what looks like medical staff.
Pjs are easy to carry, cheap, easy to wash and dry you can move in them. I'm in my middle 50's and take pjs when babysitting. If this is your only issue then you'd be stupid to end the arrangement just because of this non issue.

ClaireVictorias · 02/01/2023 07:24

Wow you sound annoying.
Making her change is ridiculous anyway, what do you think she’ll catch on her clothes ffs?! Then not letting her choose what she changes in to is just unreasonable. She’s right, find someone else and specify this in the job description.

Whydothat · 02/01/2023 07:27

Agree with PP you sound like a nightmare. I can't see why changing into something easy to clean, dry, portable and comfortable for the job is such an issue for you. Definitely provide a uniform in future that you keep and launder.
Do you change into a new clean set of clothes everytime you arrive home and what do you wear at night in case of a fire alarm?

ApolloandDaphne · 02/01/2023 07:27
Hmm
Silentsalamander · 02/01/2023 07:27

YABU. Let her where what she wants, it’s such a far fetched assumption about the fire situation….

to me it sounds like a nice thing to wear around a child…..fun vibes!

Silentsalamander · 02/01/2023 07:28

Wear* 😊

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/01/2023 07:28

YABVU op. She isn’t a norland nanny. She’s an occasional worker, who you use on an occasional basis and expect to be at your beck and call.

neighboursmustliveon · 02/01/2023 07:30

In case all the other posts are not clear enough for you, YABU.

She is changing when she gets there, you have no right to then say she can't change before she leaves. What she is wearing sounds fine.

And your comment about the fire is ridiculous, she will not stop to change if there is a fire!

Get your head out of your arse and stop feeling like you are doing her a favour by employing this women. You are paying her and she is providing you a service. I'm sure she could find other work easily enough.

Marchitectmummy · 02/01/2023 07:33

Goodness would not want to work with you. That to one side, if you want all of the restrictions you are stating you do I suggest you provide a uniform for your nanny to change into when they arrive. It's going to be too late for this one but maybe arrange for one and employ on the basis they will wear your outfit.

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 07:33

If your child is genuinely one of those kids who has to live in an enclosed bubble due to having no immune system, then it's reasonable to ask her to change her clothes on coming in, but not to dictate what is worn.

Otherwise, doesn't she take your child out? Don't you take your child out? If so, I think you are being unreasonable.

BlueThursday · 02/01/2023 07:34

I take it you sleep in full black tie attire in case of a fire alarm overnight?

liveforsummer · 02/01/2023 07:34

What have I just read 🙈 YABVU and weirdly controlling. Nothing wrong with loungewear in the home - of course she won't get changed if there is a fire just like you wouldn't it happened in the middle of the night when you were asleep. Why do you care that she has to change back before leaving?! Bizarre!

mincepiesandi · 02/01/2023 07:34

Reverse?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/01/2023 07:35

BlueThursday · 02/01/2023 07:34

I take it you sleep in full black tie attire in case of a fire alarm overnight?

With a Hi-Vis gilet on top

SharksInTheTea · 02/01/2023 07:37

I'm getting cynical because nothing on here sounds real to me, anymore.

caringcarer · 02/01/2023 07:38

If this Nanny has worked with your child for 2 years and your child is comfortable with her, do you really want to lose her? You might get another Nanny who is not as good with your child. Children don't like changes in carers. I'd agree this Nanny can where PJ's and a robe in case of fire alarms. If you let her go I fear child will pay the price.

DannydeVitooo · 02/01/2023 07:39

You sound nuts

midnightfirework · 02/01/2023 07:40

If you're not happy with her choice of clothes then find someone else.

And good luck with that.

Mulledwineandberries · 02/01/2023 07:41

If she’s a decent employee and you trust her etc, why on earth does it matter what she wears?

Mariposista · 02/01/2023 07:44

It’s going to be fun when this kid starts school 🤣

Catoneverychair · 02/01/2023 07:44

This is some made up shit, isn't it?

FeinCuroxiVooz · 02/01/2023 07:45

does the child never go outside too? what a miserable existence, stuck 24-7 in a high rise flat with a mother who is this much of a control freak. I can see that it's nicer for you if your employee just vanishes quickly at the end of the work shift but it's not reasonable to dictate this.

is the insistence on changing clothes on arrival actually medical instruction that is still valid now? It sounds like it could be something that might have been advised when your baby was tiny and you're obsessively following the same rule 2 years later without checking it's still necessary. Clothing is very rarely actually a vector for infection.