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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallen out with daughter’s ex-friend’s mother. Need a wider opinion.

283 replies

Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 08:02

My 14 year old daughter was friends with a girl from primary school until they fell out earlier this year. I’m relieved as she was of the same age and getting drunk, engaging in risky sexual behaviour ruling her parents whilst trying to do the same with my daughter. The friend had given my daughter a coat last year that not longer fit her or even that she wanted so my daughter accepted. Now over 6 months later the family want the coat back. Personally I don’t have a problem with handing the coat back but we had paid £100 pounds for a concert ticket that they refused to hand over to us and instead took another friend. I have therefore asked for the £100 in return for the coat. The mother is refusing by saying that they took my daughter on holiday and that they will keep the £100 as a contribution. They had asked if my daughter could go on holiday to Wales for a week with them so we reluctantly accepted knowing that it wasn’t anywhere like Aya Napa! Friend’s mother mentioned they would do water sports so I placed £100 in an envelope as a contribution towards water sports, however they did not accept the money at the time and told my daughter to keep the money. No water sports were done and the week’s holiday was cut short by 3 days due to the friend’s demands to come home. I’m now a full-time student at university, they are not short of a bob or two but I appreciate that it isn’t the point. I’m just upset that they think they can rob me know months later and decide what money goes to whom as it suits them. It feels like they are taking revenge on us for ending the friendship. Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???

OP posts:
Original poster
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 08:03

I just want to add that she is now threatening me with court action.

OP posts:
StillIncredulous · 03/12/2021 08:04

Yes.
And be free of them, without giving them anything to moan about.
Live your life well.

SavageBeauty73 · 03/12/2021 08:04

Just give the coat back and block them.

KarlUrbansWife · 03/12/2021 08:04

Yes, cut all ties with them and be thankful you no longer have to put up with their drama. Sounds exhausting.
It's best if you and your daughter move on.

Quincythequince · 03/12/2021 08:06

You won’t get the money back, that’s long gone. Unfortunately it has cost you £100 to find out that these people are not to be trusted.
You could keep the coat in principle but, do you really want to!
Just hand it back and make clear that they are never to contact you or your daughter again.

CrumbsThatsQuick · 03/12/2021 08:06

much as I would love this to go to court (doesn't sound like they have a case, based on what you have said), its not worth the hassle, stress, brain space. give the coat back. keep your moral highest ground. move on.

Neolara · 03/12/2021 08:06

Just return the coat then the issue is over and you can get on with your life without the hassle.

BarbaraWoodlouse · 03/12/2021 08:06

They are behaving really badly with regards to the concert ticket but I’d let it go. Had they given you one ticket would you realistically have been able to use it? Seated with the ex friend? Able to afford a second ticket.

Give the coat back, teach your daughter a good example of rising above pettiness and spite.

Kbyodjs · 03/12/2021 08:06

I get why you don’t want to and on principle you shouldn’t have to but I think I would just to avoid the drama and be rid of her

JamesWilbysAbs · 03/12/2021 08:06

Give the coat back and then be done with them. Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

RepentBirthingPersonFucker · 03/12/2021 08:06

Yanbu but I would give the coat back and be free of the drama

DreamerSeven · 03/12/2021 08:06

I’d hand it back with an unfortunate rip somewhere obvious Grin

Cao77 · 03/12/2021 08:07

Take the moral high ground OP, return the coat. As much as it is galling to do so, It's just not worth the shitstorm!

ThePlantsitter · 03/12/2021 08:07

Unless your daughter needs the coat just give it back. You need to cut your losses on this one. It is going to cost you more in energy to wrangle over the money than the benefit in getting it back unless it's the difference between eating and not.

CheezerGoode · 03/12/2021 08:07

She sounds nasty. Not a legal person but what action could she possibly take? Did they not gift the coat?

Also maybe sell it and pocket the money?

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 03/12/2021 08:07

Court action over a coat?

I'd block them, keep the coat as it was a gift and tell them good luck with the court action.

LUCCCY · 03/12/2021 08:09

I don't think it's so much about the coat. I think they just want to cause as much inconvenience as they possibly can. I would have been inclined to say don't return it but I agree with PP's. Return it and don't give them the satisfaction of keeping this going. Also, how could they possibly take this to court? Morons.

Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead · 03/12/2021 08:09

Just give the coat back. Cut ties and cut this melodrama out of your life. It's so unnecessary.

NugsNotDrugs · 03/12/2021 08:09

I agree with pp that it’s better to give it back and be done with them.
You were never going to get the £100 back.

underneaththeash · 03/12/2021 08:10

I wouldn't return the coat. Ignore her and sell the coat on vinted.

flashpaper · 03/12/2021 08:10

@ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff

Court action over a coat?

I'd block them, keep the coat as it was a gift and tell them good luck with the court action.

I would do this. Is it the coat that they're actually trying to take you to court over?? What court is going to hear that? I don't even think Judge Judy would take on that nonsense!
SolasAnla · 03/12/2021 08:10

She won't give you the money back. She would have given you the money back around the time of the concert If she ever had any intent of doing it.

Just have your daughter give the coat back, it shuts down potential conflicts and cuts ties.

Mouk · 03/12/2021 08:12

I'd leave the coat on their doorstep and then block all forms of communication. You will be rid of them then.

Lime37 · 03/12/2021 08:13

Tbh they should remburse you for the money. I’d be teaching my daughter the joy of donate if to those less fortunate and giving the coat to the charity shop

Changechangychange · 03/12/2021 08:15

If she’s threatening court action, I’d refuse to return it on principle. I can just imagine the judge’s face if she actually bothers doing that. You can’t demand the return of a gift.

And how much is she claiming for? Unless it’s a Canada Goose coat or something, a second hand coat must be worth what, £10?

And you know they won’t be the end of it, she’ll claim you damaged it or something and want compensation off you, or find something else batshit to extort money from you over. Just block her, and if she approaches you or your daughter in person call the police.