Fallen out with daughter’s ex-friend’s mother. Need a wider opinion.
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 08:02
My 14 year old daughter was friends with a girl from primary school until they fell out earlier this year. I’m relieved as she was of the same age and getting drunk, engaging in risky sexual behaviour ruling her parents whilst trying to do the same with my daughter. The friend had given my daughter a coat last year that not longer fit her or even that she wanted so my daughter accepted. Now over 6 months later the family want the coat back. Personally I don’t have a problem with handing the coat back but we had paid £100 pounds for a concert ticket that they refused to hand over to us and instead took another friend. I have therefore asked for the £100 in return for the coat. The mother is refusing by saying that they took my daughter on holiday and that they will keep the £100 as a contribution. They had asked if my daughter could go on holiday to Wales for a week with them so we reluctantly accepted knowing that it wasn’t anywhere like Aya Napa! Friend’s mother mentioned they would do water sports so I placed £100 in an envelope as a contribution towards water sports, however they did not accept the money at the time and told my daughter to keep the money. No water sports were done and the week’s holiday was cut short by 3 days due to the friend’s demands to come home. I’m now a full-time student at university, they are not short of a bob or two but I appreciate that it isn’t the point. I’m just upset that they think they can rob me know months later and decide what money goes to whom as it suits them. It feels like they are taking revenge on us for ending the friendship. Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
ClaudiaJ1 · 03/12/2021 09:31
Ignore the walkovers on here who suggest YOU 'bekind' and give in just for peace. FUCK THAT!!! That, is how abusers and CFers get away with everything. DON'T give the coat back. Donate it to the local charity shop. That way you no longer have it but they didn't bully you into submission either, you get to keep your self esteem, dignity and self respect.
WomanStanleyWoman · 03/12/2021 09:31
Burn the coat and dump the ashes on their front lawn.
Dozycuntlaters · 03/12/2021 09:32
No way would I be returning that coat, and no way is she going to take court action. Keep the coat, block her and have no more communication with either her or her DD. If you do return the coat she is going to invent some problem with it, and then start threatening court action for that, where will it end. Def keep the coat, otherwise you do look like a pushover and she will then say there's something else she wants back and so it will carry on.
ClaudiaJ1 · 03/12/2021 09:34
Also, think about the message you are sending your DD if you did give it back. You would be saying, it's ok for the bully to bully you and steal/keep money from you. Just submit for an easier life, don't take a stand against bullies, don't stand on principle.
Think about the message that sends to your daughter, that what she went through with that girl means nothing, to just roll over to bullies.
IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2021 09:34
Imagine her going to court. The judges face would be a picture
I can see why people are saying give the coat back
They obviously think that will be the end of it.
I don't think it would be. I think they would look for the next thing, then the next and the more you just go with it for what from your pov is 'easy' and 'not worth it' is in fact from their pov them 'winning' and what else can they get in order to 'win' again.
And that's because the coat is not the point. They don't care about the coat.
So I would say "the coat was a gift, go to court if you want."
The mistake many people make is thinking that people are reasonable and rational and taking demands (in this case the return of a gift) at face value.
Camii · 03/12/2021 09:34
Give them the coat and be done with them.
Honestly they sound troubled and nasty You don't need it to escalate and have your daughter suffer.
Really you are better off having nothing to do with them whatsoever
mygenericusername · 03/12/2021 09:38
Tell her to take you to court. Trust me she won’t and doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
You however do have a case for the return of the concert ticket money. Put her on 30 day notice of your intention to sue.
Cheeky mare. I don’t know what is wrong with you all in here. You’re basically advising the OP to bow down to the playground bully.
TheFormidableMrsC · 03/12/2021 09:39
I'd return the coat and block them on everything without any further comment. Silence is your most powerful weapon and they will HATE it. They are clearly goady fuckers spoiling for a fight. Don't give them a thing. They will have absolutely nothing to come back with.
Also, court. Stupid woman. She'd be laughed out of it. Horrible bully. You and your daughter will be well rid of them.
Santaischeckinglists · 03/12/2021 09:41
Sew a few prawns in the lining and hand it back.
TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 03/12/2021 09:43
A 14 year old, never mind an adult, should know that if you give a gift, it becomes the recipient's property by law. Dickhead XH tried that one. He failed.
pilates · 03/12/2021 09:44
Give the coat back and you will then have them out of your lives.
Aderyn21 · 03/12/2021 09:44
Hell would freeze over before I returned that coat!
Let her take you to court and if she's not laughed out, you might get your £100 back!
If you return that coat you might as well have doormat stamped on your face
Dentistlakes · 03/12/2021 09:45
I would return the coat and block them. I agree they should return your money, but tbh they sound like a nightmare so I would just cut my losses and use this as an opportunity to get rid of them.
AliceA2021 · 03/12/2021 09:45
Give the coat back. Walk away and don't engage with again.
Don't look back in anger.
Notjustabrunette · 03/12/2021 09:47
These people sound unhinged. Give the coat back, move on.
ThreeWiseBuddhas · 03/12/2021 09:48
You're not being 'walked over'
Sometimes we have to choose our battles
Me? I'd bag it up and send it 2nd class signed for post, with a note to say for them to not contact you anymore as the subject is now closed for discussion
Buy your Daughter a new coat and carry on with your life
RubyTuesday70 · 03/12/2021 09:51
Put the coat on FB marketplace for £100, and send her a link to it.
Dietpepsiandshirley · 03/12/2021 09:51
Just give the coat back. Block and drama over.
They might not have a leg to stand on over going to court but it doesn’t sound as though they’ll let it go easily .
SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2021 09:53
I'd be inclined to say you've checked daughters wardrobe and actually it was sent out with the last lot of donations (and do actually donate it). Honestly only Judge Rinder would see this in court and I reckon he'd side with you on the concert tickef
LadyEloise1 · 03/12/2021 09:53
Do the girls see each other in school or have friends in common @Foodie321
If so it must be hard for your daughter.
They sound like nasty people. Your dd is well rid.
shoofly · 03/12/2021 09:53
I'm very much 'anything for a quiet life' but there is no way I'd return the coat, because if you do it'll be something else.
elenacampana · 03/12/2021 09:54
We had something like this in my family years ago OP, the item in question was also a coat thing, the girls fell out and there was then high ding dong over a coat from months before. The mother and daughter in question then travelled around various police stations and got absolutely nowhere with any of them. It was stressful getting regular calls from different stations and then just ended up giving them the money for the coat in the house end.
The two girls are women in their thirties now and have reconnected.
elenacampana · 03/12/2021 09:55
I don’t know why that’s included ‘house’ in my post!
EscapeTheCastle · 03/12/2021 09:57
Return the coat, do it yourself into her hands so there are no further claims.
Also take a photo of it to show its in good condition again so they can't say its ruined.
MaskingForIt · 03/12/2021 09:59
Either give the coat to a charity shop and tell them they can buy it back, or sew a kipper into the pocket before giving it back.
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