Fallen out with daughter’s ex-friend’s mother. Need a wider opinion.
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 08:02
My 14 year old daughter was friends with a girl from primary school until they fell out earlier this year. I’m relieved as she was of the same age and getting drunk, engaging in risky sexual behaviour ruling her parents whilst trying to do the same with my daughter. The friend had given my daughter a coat last year that not longer fit her or even that she wanted so my daughter accepted. Now over 6 months later the family want the coat back. Personally I don’t have a problem with handing the coat back but we had paid £100 pounds for a concert ticket that they refused to hand over to us and instead took another friend. I have therefore asked for the £100 in return for the coat. The mother is refusing by saying that they took my daughter on holiday and that they will keep the £100 as a contribution. They had asked if my daughter could go on holiday to Wales for a week with them so we reluctantly accepted knowing that it wasn’t anywhere like Aya Napa! Friend’s mother mentioned they would do water sports so I placed £100 in an envelope as a contribution towards water sports, however they did not accept the money at the time and told my daughter to keep the money. No water sports were done and the week’s holiday was cut short by 3 days due to the friend’s demands to come home. I’m now a full-time student at university, they are not short of a bob or two but I appreciate that it isn’t the point. I’m just upset that they think they can rob me know months later and decide what money goes to whom as it suits them. It feels like they are taking revenge on us for ending the friendship. Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
meadowbleu · 04/12/2021 18:42
Actually having read more replies I'd message and say the coat will be available for inspection and collection at such a time X or Y, please let me know to ensure I'm available.
Hawkins001 · 04/12/2021 18:46
What about saying your keeping coat and selling it to cover the £100, ? If they go legal they will.not have a solid case especially if you have records of the conversations.
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 04/12/2021 18:49
Whatever condition you return it in she will say it is wrecked...
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/12/2021 19:00
“£100 and a used coat; a small price which we gladly pay to finish with you. Please enjoy wearing a coat you gave as a gift and spending money that you’ve stolen. Do not contact either of us again.”
I like that message, @NataliaSerene!
lonsdaleshorts · 04/12/2021 19:06
Id respond with see you in court and then block all numbers and give the coat to charity. The end.
Nothing7 · 04/12/2021 19:44
Absolutely this! Let them have the coat as not worth the hassle - but let them collect it
Cherryberrybonbon · 04/12/2021 19:53
They are threatening court action over a coat. Tell them to get an actual life then block them! Is it an expensive coat?
Tigger1895 · 04/12/2021 19:59
Return the coat (by post if you can afford it) and have no further conversations with them. They may feel they won but in time she will realise how petty she was.
Mollymoostoo · 04/12/2021 20:12
It will cost her £100 to take you to court.
lesleylol · 04/12/2021 20:25
Tbh I’d just tell them to do one.
Sillyname63 · 04/12/2021 20:26
Unpick the lining of the coat and sew some prawns in it before you return it,
NataliaSerene · 04/12/2021 20:50
The fact that she wants it so badly makes me think she’d be very upset if you just said, “oh sure, we were just going to donate it to charity anyway now, so of course you are welcome to it!” She doesn’t want the coat, she wants to feel like she made you do something you didn’t want to do.
limitedperiodonly · 04/12/2021 20:53
Not this boring old one again. Dog shit is far more effective than prawns and free on any pavement. You don'r even have to go to the effort of unpicking the lining. Why be passive aggressive when you can be aggressive aggressive and just rub the coat in it?
Has OP decided what to do yet? Personally I think she should give the coat back and forget it all. But I'm peaceable like that.
Foodie321 · 04/12/2021 21:19
Yes I am.
Foodie321 · 04/12/2021 21:27
Not returned it yet, but will be doing so, not without telling them. exactly what I think. I just want to be free of them and their toxicity.
PyongyangKipperbang · 04/12/2021 22:19
Id be inclinced to tell them that "due to the shoddy quality of the coat* I didnt feel it was appropriate for my daughter so we donated it to the clothing bank. As per your offering it as a gift, it was ours to do with as we wished. I have decided to not pursue the £100 you owe for the ticket we paid for, please donate that money to a charity of your choice"
No way would I give these cunts a win!
*Not neccesarily true but will wind her up something rigid!
Harls1969 · 04/12/2021 22:20
Shit in the pocket and give the coat back.
Jibberjabberhutt · 04/12/2021 23:24
Ok I really like these last two suggestions from @PyongyangKipperbang and @Harls1969. How can we both give them a shit, and also take the moral high ground by saying we’ve donated it? Now that’s a thinker… 🤔
Dibbydoos · 05/12/2021 02:46
What horrible behaviour, no wonder the daughter is like she is!
She won't get anywhere in court. The coat was gifted with no strings, end of. She won't get anywhere asking for money towards a holiday etc, it's happened it's in the past. You however have a right of the £100 they have taken for the purchase of a ticket that they never provided to you, instead taking someone else.
You could spend about £65 at a small claims court to get your £100 plus £65 and reasonable costs back from them.
You could cut your losses and give the coat back or tell them to do whatever, but if you really want to be done with them give it back with a smile and congratulate you and your DD for finding toxic people and ridding yourselves of them.
HighlandPony · 05/12/2021 03:00
Have the cat sleep on it for a couple of nights or accidentally leave a tub of fish bait in the pockets or something before you hand it back. Will be worth a laugh at Christmas dinner in a few years.
Mamanyt · 05/12/2021 06:29
While legally things might be a bit iffy if the mother insists that the coat was only a loan (although waiting six months to ask for it back might negate that argument), I'd send the damned thing back and block her from EVERYTHING I could think of, just to be rid of them entirely.
wannalivelikecommonpeople · 05/12/2021 08:04
Are they threatening court action over a coat? 😂
The sooner you return it, the sooner you're shot of them. Take it there now. Do not stoop to their level.
You won't get the money back. Just forget it. They're deeply unhappy people
dayswithaY · 05/12/2021 08:56
I don't think you're being a pushover by returning the coat, it's just being a grown up. You can't reason with these people, they are now enjoying the game. So end the game here and stop their fun.
My daughter had a similar situation with nightmare aggressive parents of a former friend. They are now in the same class and although not friends, the former nightmare friend has now matured and actually stood up for my daughter in another row when she really didn't need to.
Remember your daughter has to face this girl at school every day, that's the important thing here.
Also, you can't argue with stupid.
LadyNell · 05/12/2021 09:22
I'd be buggered if I'd let them have the coat back, tell them they can take you to court pathetic people,
impossible · 05/12/2021 12:38
Take the high ground - return the coat and let the whole episode go!
You don't need the stress. Plus it can't be good for dds to have their dms in conflict - that could lead to all sorts of damaging ramifications for your dd that you may never hear about. If only for that reason, move on.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.