Fallen out with daughter’s ex-friend’s mother. Need a wider opinion.

[Foodie321]

My 14 year old daughter was friends with a girl from primary school until they fell out earlier this year. I’m relieved as she was of the same age and getting drunk, engaging in risky sexual behaviour ruling her parents whilst trying to do the same with my daughter. The friend had given my daughter a coat last year that not longer fit her or even that she wanted so my daughter accepted. Now over 6 months later the family want the coat back. Personally I don’t have a problem with handing the coat back but we had paid £100 pounds for a concert ticket that they refused to hand over to us and instead took another friend. I have therefore asked for the £100 in return for the coat. The mother is refusing by saying that they took my daughter on holiday and that they will keep the £100 as a contribution. They had asked if my daughter could go on holiday to Wales for a week with them so we reluctantly accepted knowing that it wasn’t anywhere like Aya Napa! Friend’s mother mentioned they would do water sports so I placed £100 in an envelope as a contribution towards water sports, however they did not accept the money at the time and told my daughter to keep the money. No water sports were done and the week’s holiday was cut short by 3 days due to the friend’s demands to come home. I’m now a full-time student at university, they are not short of a bob or two but I appreciate that it isn’t the point. I’m just upset that they think they can rob me know months later and decide what money goes to whom as it suits them. It feels like they are taking revenge on us for ending the friendship. Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???

[LadyEloise1]

What have you definitely decided on @Foodie321 ?

I really like Michelle Obamas premise of "When they go low, we go high."
But it's hard to do.
Especially when there is a £100 ticket involved.

[HangingDitch]

Return the coat, forget the money, and never have to deal with them and this nonsense drama again. Put it down to experience and forget about it.

[DreamTheMoors]

What coat?

[ikeptgoing]

I think you are taking sensible high ground
Giving them back the gift they made of coat (that your DD hasn't worn anyway)

Cos there's being right, and there's having a link to toxic people who are being ridiculous

She owes your £100 though for tickets you paid for, so maybe think about whether you put in small claims online for that

Or cut your losses and think £100 is cheap to be rid

[Lindylindyloo]

Wasn't sure which one was the unreasonable vote - I'm with the poster who said give the coat back and make clear not to contact daughter again - and cut ties.

[Georgeskitchen]

I agree, just leave the coat by their front door. I doubt they would win a court case on the basis of she said/he said etc.
They sound like unpleasant people who you are well rid of

[glowbabe]

Get judge Rinder in .

[Maisymoomoo22]

I’m sorry you’ve decided to return the coat. I’m another who would keep it and donate it to a charity.
I’d mention to her when you give it back that she wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on seeing as it was a gift and she may have even ended up paying all the court costs.

In fact I think I’d call her bluff for a while and say game on. Then when things died down as a result of her coming to her senses with the fear of having to pay court costs if she was to lose, and only then would i return it.

Take back the control of this ridiculous situation and don’t let that brat of an x friend call the shots!

[impossible]

Take the high ground - return the coat and let the whole episode go!
You don't need the stress. Plus it can't be good for dds to have their dms in conflict - that could lead to all sorts of damaging ramifications for your dd that you may never hear about. If only for that reason, move on.

[LadyNell]

I'd be buggered if I'd let them have the coat back, tell them they can take you to court pathetic people,

[dayswithaY]

I don't think you're being a pushover by returning the coat, it's just being a grown up. You can't reason with these people, they are now enjoying the game. So end the game here and stop their fun.

My daughter had a similar situation with nightmare aggressive parents of a former friend. They are now in the same class and although not friends, the former nightmare friend has now matured and actually stood up for my daughter in another row when she really didn't need to.

Remember your daughter has to face this girl at school every day, that's the important thing here.

Also, you can't argue with stupid.

[wannalivelikecommonpeople]

Are they threatening court action over a coat? 😂

The sooner you return it, the sooner you're shot of them. Take it there now. Do not stoop to their level.

You won't get the money back. Just forget it. They're deeply unhappy people

[Mamanyt]

While legally things might be a bit iffy if the mother insists that the coat was only a loan (although waiting six months to ask for it back might negate that argument), I'd send the damned thing back and block her from EVERYTHING I could think of, just to be rid of them entirely.

[HighlandPony]

Have the cat sleep on it for a couple of nights or accidentally leave a tub of fish bait in the pockets or something before you hand it back. Will be worth a laugh at Christmas dinner in a few years.

[Dibbydoos]

What horrible behaviour, no wonder the daughter is like she is!

She won't get anywhere in court. The coat was gifted with no strings, end of. She won't get anywhere asking for money towards a holiday etc, it's happened it's in the past. You however have a right of the £100 they have taken for the purchase of a ticket that they never provided to you, instead taking someone else.
You could spend about £65 at a small claims court to get your £100 plus £65 and reasonable costs back from them.
You could cut your losses and give the coat back or tell them to do whatever, but if you really want to be done with them give it back with a smile and congratulate you and your DD for finding toxic people and ridding yourselves of them.

[Jibberjabberhutt]

Ok I really like these last two suggestions from @PyongyangKipperbang and @Harls1969. How can we both give them a shit, and also take the moral high ground by saying we’ve donated it? Now that’s a thinker… 🤔

[Harls1969]

Shit in the pocket and give the coat back.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Id be inclinced to tell them that "due to the shoddy quality of the coat* I didnt feel it was appropriate for my daughter so we donated it to the clothing bank. As per your offering it as a gift, it was ours to do with as we wished. I have decided to not pursue the £100 you owe for the ticket we paid for, please donate that money to a charity of your choice"

No way would I give these cunts a win!

*Not neccesarily true but will wind her up something rigid!

[Foodie321]

Not returned it yet, but will be doing so, not without telling them. exactly what I think. I just want to be free of them and their toxicity.

[Foodie321]

Yes I am.

[limitedperiodonly]

@Sillyname63

Unpick the lining of the coat and sew some prawns in it before you return it,

Not this boring old one again. Dog shit is far more effective than prawns and free on any pavement. You don'r even have to go to the effort of unpicking the lining. Why be passive aggressive when you can be aggressive aggressive and just rub the coat in it?

Has OP decided what to do yet? Personally I think she should give the coat back and forget it all. But I'm peaceable like that.

[NataliaSerene]

The fact that she wants it so badly makes me think she’d be very upset if you just said, “oh sure, we were just going to donate it to charity anyway now, so of course you are welcome to it!” She doesn’t want the coat, she wants to feel like she made you do something you didn’t want to do.

[Sillyname63]

Unpick the lining of the coat and sew some prawns in it before you return it,

[lesleylol]

Tbh I’d just tell them to do one.

[Mollymoostoo]

@Foodie321

I just want to add that she is now threatening me with court action.

It will cost her £100 to take you to court.