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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve been admitted to hospital at 37 weeks pg and my do didn’t want to join me

232 replies

PinkFing · 29/11/2021 06:51

AIBU as he’s got work in the morning?

I’ve had a really intense migraine all night and have literally been crawling around our flat in pain. He didn’t want to wake up Ans was telling me to be quiet. At three I called a taxi to take me in after speaking to triage.

I asked if he wanted to come and he said no as he’s got work in the morning.

I’m now dosed up on strong pain relief and have been told I’m staying in tonight. He said he’ll pop by after work.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 29/11/2021 06:53

The staff wouldn’t have wanted him on the ward at 3am anyway.
If it was pre-eclampsia I’d say he’s being unreasonable, but if it is a migraine then he needs to carry on.

Original poster
PinkFing · 29/11/2021 06:55

I thought it could be preeclampsia and my bp was high on arrival but urine fine.

OP posts:
LefttoherownDevizes · 29/11/2021 06:55

Tough call, at our hospital you wouldn't be allowed in anyway but he does sound v uncaring and selfish.

So, maybe not to come with you but absolutely should have been up with you, speaking to the hospital etc.

I've been taken by ambulance with migraine before as they suspected a bleed, so you have my utmost sympathies. And glad they've been able to give you decent pain relief.

Hope you feel better soon

Sirzy · 29/11/2021 06:56

He should have taken you in and shown he cared but he wouldn’t have been allowed in the hospital anyway.

Rest and take care of yourself

whitehorsesdonotlie · 29/11/2021 06:56

I'm sorry to hear this.
Sounds like you feel he has been unsympathetic and unhelpful when you've been in so much pain? What's he usually like when you're ill? Do you get migraines often?

You're in the best place. Rest while you can.

The pp is right - he may have not been welcome at 3am on the ward, but that doesn't mean he couldn't have been sympathetic!

Where do you live that you can ring triage? Do you mean 111?

MiddayMass · 29/11/2021 06:57

He’s a bit of a dick for not getting up whilst you are in agony with head pain. You were crawling around in pain and he couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed? Wtf. Severe head pain is no joke and if it was something serious you could have deteriorated quickly whilst he was asleep in bed.

He’s going to have to get used to the idea being up in the night, you can’t tell a newborn to be quiet.

hardyloveit · 29/11/2021 06:57

He shouldn't have left you to get a taxi! He should have driven you however he wouldn't have been allowed in the hospital or ward due to restrictions. Hope everything is okay!

tallduckandhandsome · 29/11/2021 06:57

There is no way I’d let a loved one go to hospital alone at 3am, especially if they had been crawling around in pain the night before.

Doesn’t bode well for his fatherhood.

I hope you’re feeling better now Flowers

You know what to do next time he is sick. Nothing.

EveryAction · 29/11/2021 06:57

He should of taken you in

Original poster
PinkFing · 29/11/2021 06:57

Thank you. I think I just need to go in perspective.

It’s just another dent in my thinking he’s be super excited and caring throughout my pregnancy when he hasn’t Sad. Sorry to drop feed

OP posts:
thenewduchessofhastings · 29/11/2021 06:58

He let his heavily pregnant partner who's quite poorly take herself to the hospital and didn't even bother to ensure you got there safely?

What a selfish horrible wanker.

tallduckandhandsome · 29/11/2021 06:58

Why wouldn’t he have been allowed in? I’ve accompanied DH and mum to A&E recently.

AnguaResurgam · 29/11/2021 06:59

It's right that he didn't go in with you

It's utterly wrong that he was so dismissive whilst you were feel so bad at home before you were advised to go in.

Make sure he brings everything you need for an overnight stay when he visits later. Visiting hours are typically much more limited at the moment - so you might not be missing that much anyhow.

How are you feeling now? Flowers it horrible to have a bad migraine at all, let alone during the last weeks of pregnancy

Original poster
PinkFing · 29/11/2021 06:59

@whitehorsesdonotlie I was booked on the birth centre (not anymore) so they have a direct number to call thank God. I hate 111

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 29/11/2021 07:01

If he’d come with you he’d have had to pay for a taxi back, plus presumably he needs to work to provide for you and baby.
Perhaps he thinks that he needs to save his time off for when the baby comes.
But if there’s more going on here, perhaps you need to re-think your situation 💐

Original poster
PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:01

Much better now but wish I could sleep. Bp cuff going off every 1/2 hour!!

OP posts:
Jayaywhynot · 29/11/2021 07:02

Regardless of how serious the outcome, if you were crawling around in pain you'd hope your oh would at least take you to the hospital if triage thinks it's serious enough to go.
Even if they have work today, I'd call that an emergency situation.
What did he do, roll over and go back to sleep whilst his pregnant oh takes off to hospital alone?
I'd be furious, how uncaring is that?
Hope you're OK op

Original poster
PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:05

Thanks, I think that’s what is at the heart of it. I fantasied he’d turn into a stereotypical over protective dad to be and he hasn’t yet.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 29/11/2021 07:05

I think if he had a car, then he should have taken you in. If he didn't then you going by taxi was the right thing to do. He wouldn't have been allowed into hospital with you anyway.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 29/11/2021 07:06

What an uncaring prick. If that was my partner I'd have driven hi. In even if I wasn't allowed in and I've have been there. This doesn't bode well for the future. What about night feeds baby crying, if you are ill ffs. Cant believe the people saying this is OK. They clearly have no standards at all.

femfemlicious · 29/11/2021 07:07

This man does not love you. Please dont have any more children by him.

GodIsAVegan · 29/11/2021 07:08

He should have been up speaking to the hospital for you and trying to get you as comfortable as possible. You are feeling ill and carrying his child. He’s selfish and uncaring and it sounds like this isn’t the first time. Don’t have anymore kids with this prick.

I hope everything is ok with you and your baby.

Original poster
PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:08

That’s what I’m worrying about. He hasn’t grown up during pregnancy but I have and I don’t think he’s ready

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 29/11/2021 07:08

Unless there were kids at home that needed watching, at the very least I'd have expected him to accompany you to the hospital. Its not right to leave someone in serious pain who might possibly be unable be too out of it or in too much pain to be coherent. He should have been there til he couldn't be there.

Unfortunately I can tell you from experience that when you have to do their thinking for them.like those, it doesn't get any better.

Thethreecs · 29/11/2021 07:09

He tilt you to be quiet while you were crawling around in pain! Seriously that's shit behaviour.

It doesn't matter if he had work, he should have drove you and drove home after dropping you off if he wasn't allowed in.

Head pain in pregnancy can be serious, you didn't know for sure that it was just a migraine. He should have been there for you, he could have gone into work a bit late.