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I’ve been admitted to hospital at 37 weeks pg and my do didn’t want to join me
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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 06:51

AIBU as he’s got work in the morning?

I’ve had a really intense migraine all night and have literally been crawling around our flat in pain. He didn’t want to wake up Ans was telling me to be quiet. At three I called a taxi to take me in after speaking to triage.

I asked if he wanted to come and he said no as he’s got work in the morning.

I’m now dosed up on strong pain relief and have been told I’m staying in tonight. He said he’ll pop by after work.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

KerryWeaver · 29/11/2021 07:31

He's shown you tonight that he is not concerned about you or the baby. I wouldn't count on him stepping up when the baby is born.

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GodIsAVegan · 29/11/2021 07:32

He’s up and I’ve just had a really sweet text from him.

Raise the bar. 😡

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:32

I’m getting mat pay from work directly to me. We’re going to change that soon as I’m rubbish with finances. Why?

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Double3xposure · 29/11/2021 07:32

@PinkFing

I think he’ll step up when the baby’s here. He’s been really excited about becoming a dad

I hope it works out the way you want it.

Do you have a plan B if that doesn’t happen? I ‘d hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Sadly some men are excited to become a father - as in posting photos on SM and going out to celebrate with their mates. But fuck all use in actually caring for a baby - who they seem to think is their partners new hobby that they “ help out with “ if they have a few minutes free .
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GodIsAVegan · 29/11/2021 07:34

Sadly some men are excited to become a father - as in posting photos on SM and going out to celebrate with their mates. But fuck all use in actually caring for a baby - who they seem to think is their partners new hobby that they “ help out with “ if they have a few minutes free

So many of them....🤬

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43leftfeet · 29/11/2021 07:34

WTF? AIBU is insane.

Of course he should have gone in with you. You're 37 weeks pregnant and in pain. I would have taken a friend of a friend hardly know in, if I was the only support available,let alone my own partner! Regardless of whether he is allowed in at the hospital.

PinkFing this board is full of people who like to have a go at the OP, particularly kicking people when they're down. If you have an issue that's as personal as this, you're better off posting in relationships or pregnancy.

I'm sorry your partner is displaying such staggeringly low levels of empathy (like some posters here).

His behaviour is shocking and you deserve better.

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:34

No I don’t have a plan b. I don’t think I’ll need one. He’s usually lovely which is why I posted this. It wasn’t his Normal but it gave me a sort of dreading feeling as he’s not being how I thought he’d be when I dreamt of being pregnant.

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Platax · 29/11/2021 07:36

@tallduckandhandsome

Why wouldn’t he have been allowed in? I’ve accompanied DH and mum to A&E recently.

Not the same as a ward of sleeping pregnant women.
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TopCatsTopHat · 29/11/2021 07:38

Just shitty when woken in the night. That's not veryhelpful for becoming parent to a baby. Sounds like you might need to have a chat about it in an effort to prevent him making night disruption upsetting.
Walking in the night with baby can be lovely, I used to enjoy the cuddles when the house was quiet, it's not necessarily all bad (though obviously can be and I've had my fair share of that) but what peace and live you can have in the night up with baby won't be possible if it's a source of stress because of him

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Catfog · 29/11/2021 07:39

Does he drive? If he does I am staggered he didn't drive you in, even if he wouldn't have been allowed to go onto the ward. If he doesn't I can somewhat see why he wouldn't see the point in getting a taxi in and then having to get one back soon after, but he could still display empathy and concern. Ultimately though if he usually is supportive and caring I wouldn't see it as a deal breaker, but definitely if there's a lot of stuff like this then it will probably get worse when baby is here and you should talk to him.

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:40

Sorry I should have said he can drive but we don’t have a car at the moment

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Platax · 29/11/2021 07:41

@PinkFing

I’m getting mat pay from work directly to me. We’re going to change that soon as I’m rubbish with finances. Why?

What are you changing it to? Even if your partner is totally lovely don't give up control of your finances. Learn how not to be rubbish with them.
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Catfog · 29/11/2021 07:42

@PinkFing

Sorry I should have said he can drive but we don’t have a car at the moment

Ah okay, I'd still be upset at his attitude of centering himself ie I'll be tired rather than something supportive and caring, but seems a tad more reasonable.
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GodIsAVegan · 29/11/2021 07:42

You said he hadn’t been excited or caring during your pregnancy, he hasn’t grown up, he told you to be quiet when you were crawling around in pain, didn’t even bother to get up to see if you were ok never mind accompany you to the hospital.
Now he’s excited about being a dad, he’s sent you a sweet text, you think he’ll step up and he’s lovely.

He’s a prick. But you are either very naive or have very low standards. I would try to make sure you have good family/friends for support as I think you will need it. Good luck.

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Catfog · 29/11/2021 07:43

Sorry missed the post about the rest of his behaviour, as part of a bigger picture it doesn't look good.

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Totalwasteofpaper · 29/11/2021 07:44

What pingfing said x 10.

Hope it works out but I really wouldn't bank on it and I'd be looking at my plan b.

He is a total bastard to have rolled over and left you because he is "sleepy" and has work if it was preclampsia it could have been very serious. I personally feel words are cheap so a 30 second awww babes text wouldn't impress me much tbh. His actions were to leave his vulnerable partner and mother of his child scared and alone to sort herself out.

You know he is going to be sleepy and have to go to work when the baby is here too right?

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:46

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself so said some stuff on here I didn’t really mean. He has shown lots of caring during pregnancy but not consistently. He was really excited about becoming a dad before I got pregnant and weirdly he isn’t acting as if he’s super excited about it now.

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Totalwasteofpaper · 29/11/2021 07:48

Also as other suggest- give the baby your name and dont register him on the birth cert.

If he is the Prince you think he is you can change it in a few years. If he is a useless and /or absent partner and father your life will be MUCH easier this way.

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Fireflygal · 29/11/2021 07:49

Op, I'm sorry he treated you like this. His sleep and work is not more important than getting you into hospital. He may be excited but is he prepared to put the work in to raising a baby?

I think you need to be realistic about how he will be...his needs will come first (if that's sleep, nights out or work), your needs and that of the baby will be down the list.

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:50

That seems really extreme. He’d go mad if he found out. He’s the Dad!

We’ve never had relationship problems so I think he’s coming off badly on here. He was a total dick tonight though

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CookPassBabtridge · 29/11/2021 07:50

This is awful. Yes he wouldn't be able to stay, but my DP would have woke up, asked if I'm alright, taken me and been worried.. screw being tired the next day, you're his partner and mother or his child for fucks sake!

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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 07:50

That was to total waste of paper

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whitehorsesdonotlie · 29/11/2021 07:52

I'd keep your money to yourself and learn to be better at managing it. Who told you you were terrible with money?

And your h will need to step up when your baby is here if he's not good at being woken in the night...

He doesn't sound great. To put it mildly.

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Carrotte · 29/11/2021 07:53

The not going in with you I can understand a bit as they won't let him in at the moment. But this is horrendous behaviour.:

He didn’t want to wake up Ans was telling me to be quiet. At three I called a taxi to take me in after speaking to triage.

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amysaurus87 · 29/11/2021 07:53

That's a tough call, at my hospital he wouldn't be allowed in unless you were admitted, and even then it's only at visiting hours, but I appreciate all hospital trusts are different!

I say this as someone who is 38 weeks pregnant and has been in a couple of times with reduced movements, on neither occasion has my husband been able to join me.

That said, he should have driven you to the hospital, especially at 3am and in the kind of pain you were in.

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