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I’ve been admitted to hospital at 37 weeks pg and my do didn’t want to join me
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PinkFing · 29/11/2021 06:51

AIBU as he’s got work in the morning?

I’ve had a really intense migraine all night and have literally been crawling around our flat in pain. He didn’t want to wake up Ans was telling me to be quiet. At three I called a taxi to take me in after speaking to triage.

I asked if he wanted to come and he said no as he’s got work in the morning.

I’m now dosed up on strong pain relief and have been told I’m staying in tonight. He said he’ll pop by after work.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Dixiechickonhols · 01/12/2021 15:07

It’s his lack of care OP that’s shocking. He’s acting like a disinterested flatmate not a partner.
If a friend of colleague was telling me this I’d be appalled. He should have made sure you were ok. Please tell someone in real life don’t minimise his actions. I’m sure a friend would have picked you up. You are vulnerable and need kindness.
Are your family supportive? I’d seriously think about going to stay with them.
Baby due in 3 weeks so his paternity leave will be over Christmas if he’s taking leave. Is he doing to be there or see it as a holiday to party and get dunk/drugs (more so if he usually works Christmas as a chef so Christmas off is a novelty)

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YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 01/12/2021 06:46

@diddl

"He’s definitely going to be the birthing partner."

Don't go making any noise if the poor lamb is tired!

And for goodness sake don’t go into labour at night....
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ClaudiaJ1 · 01/12/2021 04:08

@PinkFing

Someone who had low self esteem and thought that being spoken to like shit all the time was ok. If I was like this I wouldn’t even had posted and been upset at his actions

But it's not just about how he speaks to you, it's also how he treats you. It's his actions. He shows you and the baby are NOT a priority to him. As others have said, our partners would be up like a shot worried about us if we were like how you were. Yours told you, a 37 week pregnant woman and mother of his child to 'be quiet' and he then went back to sleep. That is the action of a man who treats you like shit. If he loved you, he would be worried out of his mind, up with you, helping you. God, he made you, a 37 week pregnant woman, come home by a bus for petes sake, because he is too much of drinker/druggie to save up for a car like normal people. OP, that is simply NOT NORMAL. No one would expect a 37 week pregnant would to take a bus. He'd be there to greet you to pick you up, or have his mother or a friend or your mother/father/friend meet you to pick you up. Tell your friends he had you catch a bus back at 37 weeks pregnant and just released from hospital. Ask for their response to that. They'll probably say if they'd known they would have picked you up or arranged something.

You might not have low self esteem, but your expectations are so rock bottom like someone above said, they are so rock bottom they are underground. I would have expected my partner to quit boozing and drugging when we were trying for a baby, and I would have expected a basic car by now. I also would not have been expected to make my own way home on a bus, at 37 weeks pregnant. I would have expected my partner to have arranged time off some time during the day to pick me up or have arranged someone to meet me at the hospital and pick me up.

These are basic normal human decencies. Things that a man in love would be bending over backwards to do. The man you are with, is more scum. Sorry, but he is not father material, not at all. To be honest he sounds to be not happy with this pregnancy at all and it sounds like he is dreading becoming a father. His absolute lack of any concern for your health and wellbeing, whatsoever, shows this. People here are trying to tell you he is scum, he is useless, which he is. Please listen.
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ClaudiaJ1 · 01/12/2021 03:53

@Austen33

He expects you to give up excessive shopping. You expect him to give up excessive partying. Both seem sensible.

If you don't give the baby his name, don't expect him to bond quickly.

@Austen33 If you don't give the baby his name, don't expect him to bond quickly.

You were joking....right?
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MiddayMass · 01/12/2021 03:09

Is he a chef, OP? 12 hours shifts late finishes? I can see why he values his sleep but it was absolutely no excuse to leave you to suffer in agony.

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MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 30/11/2021 22:49

My money is on wind up

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LadyEloise1 · 30/11/2021 20:02

As someone said upthread " He's a prince among men". NOT

You are in some sort of denial PinkFing.
He leaves his ill pregnant partner to get to hospital alone while he sleeps and gives out to her for disturbing him when she is so poorly.
He then lets her get a bus home from the hospital. He wants to control her maternity pay though and has told her she's cr*p with money.

You are either very gullible or stupid ( sorry ) to believe him when almost everyone on the thread tells you to dump him as he certainly hasn't got your back.

Or it's a wind up.

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cooldarkroom · 30/11/2021 19:59

So, You might have had a serious health problem, but he got cross.& at no point supported you.
He doesn't "do" nights
Money is tight, but he is pissing it up against the wall.
You got the bus home after a night under surveillance in hospital.
What a peach.
Who cooked the dinner tonight ?

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Bigoldhag · 30/11/2021 19:27

He is shit, and I know when you’ve got a matter of weeks to go, you probably don’t want to even think it because it feels too late.

He’s not a good partner and I don’t think he will be a good dad either.

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PinkFing · 30/11/2021 19:23

I got a bus home. He was at work. He’s in catering so late nights are normal

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tattychicken · 30/11/2021 19:05

Where was he last night at nearly midnight when you came home from hospital? How did you get home?

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PinkFing · 30/11/2021 19:00

I wouldn’t. I love working. It’s my friendship group as well as my work so no chance!

Also we are both used to having two wages.

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Throckmorton · 30/11/2021 18:52

As you are not married, for the love of God do not give up your job to be a SAHM. It would make you incredibly vulnerable financially

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Hoolahupsaresquare · 30/11/2021 18:46

I hope we are all wrong and he turns into a doting dad when the baby is born.

The idea that he can treat his heavily pregnant DP like he has this morning to you would be a dealbreaker for me to be honest with you.

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PinkFing · 30/11/2021 18:45

Someone who had low self esteem and thought that being spoken to like shit all the time was ok. If I was like this I wouldn’t even had posted and been upset at his actions

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Hoolahupsaresquare · 30/11/2021 18:41

I’d be interested to know what your interpretation of having low standards would be for a partner ?

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PinkFing · 30/11/2021 18:38

@DrSbaitso well that’s it. We’ve been really happy leading our life as 20 somethings with jobs but no other responsibilities and now he’s suddenly a 30 something with a baby on the way and I think he’s getting what he always wanted (a family) but he’s freaking out or avoiding the responsibility side too.

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DrSbaitso · 30/11/2021 18:36

@PinkFing

I’ve been with him for 5 happy years. He’s shown me he’s a good guy constantly which is why this has hurt me so much. I forgive way to easily I k ow

So you were happy for the five years he was able to do whatever he liked. Things are changing. Are you happy with how he is now?
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NollaigNollaig · 30/11/2021 18:34

@PinkFing

I’ve been with him for 5 happy years. He’s shown me he’s a good guy constantly which is why this has hurt me so much. I forgive way to easily I k ow

Yes such a good guy. I can’t imagine a better partner than someone who won’t take me to hospital when severely ill and pregnant as it disturbs his beauty sleep and who instead ignores me. What a prince among men.

You’re kidding yourself op. You’re having a baby with a inconsiderate druggie.
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Benjispruce5 · 30/11/2021 18:32

I hope you’re right but no decent partner would treat you that way, I’m sorry.Flowers

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PinkFing · 30/11/2021 18:31

I’ve been with him for 5 happy years. He’s shown me he’s a good guy constantly which is why this has hurt me so much. I forgive way to easily I k ow

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Benjispruce5 · 30/11/2021 18:29

You were easily swayed by a ‘sweet text’ and seem to live in hope that he’ll change. He’s shown you who he is, believe him.

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PinkFing · 30/11/2021 18:25

I haven’t got low standards. I posted because I was really hurt and surprised by his actions.

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Benjispruce5 · 30/11/2021 18:06

Rubbish partners not getting up in the night are shameful. What if they were single parents? They do it became you allow them to. Live with it and put up with it if that’s what you want but don’t complain, leave!

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Benjispruce5 · 30/11/2021 18:04

Exactly @NollaigNollaig as I said upthread, I’d accompany a stranger if they needed me to! Low standards indeed.

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