DP comment about my son on social media

[tvsettin]

DP of seven months and I live 90 miles apart but see each other most weekends. I have a 3 year old DS who's face I do not post on my public social media. DP doesn't have any children.

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes. Last night on a video call when discussing this, DP laughed and said "I wonder how many people would unfollow you if you posted your DS".

I said I used to post him and didn't lose any followers and he said "that was before your account blew up. Thirsty men would definitely unfollow you if they knew you had a kid."

This has upset me, I'm struggling to put into words why. DP thinks I'm being sensitive and that he was laughing at the men, not me.

AIBU to feel like that was a shitty comment to make?

Yep he’s a dick. Unfollow him - dump him. It shows what he really thinks of you, you don’t want him to end up being a (useless) step dad.

Honestly it sounds a bit jealous/controlling to me?

Yeah, I don't like that it's like he's making out that you should be grateful that he wants you because most men wouldn't because of your "baggage"

I'd be bloody insulted.

Unless you have some sort of porn Instagram and your account is about making money out of attracting men and making them think you're interested in them and you're all bikinis and duck face which I'm assuming is not the case .

That’s an unpleasant comment implying that you’re less than because you have a child (but he will tolerate it and you should be lucky.)

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

I'd be bloody insulted.

Unless you have some sort of porn Instagram and your account is about making money out of attracting men and making them think you're interested in them and you're all bikinis and duck face which I'm assuming is not the case .

Nothing even remotely pornographic, no overly revealing photographs. Maybe some cleavage occasionally but just in clothes I would normally wear day to day or to go out.

Men do comment/follow me but so do girls and women.

Sounds like he's trying to take you down a peg.

@1FootInTheRave

Sounds like he's trying to take you down a peg.

If I say that to him he'll be upset/offended that I'd think that of him.

So he's allowed to upset you but you're worrying about upsetting him? Kick him to the kerb, he sounds like a total wanker

It depends why you have a lot of followers imo. If it's a lot of men following you and liking your pictures because you're attractive and post lots of selfies then I can see his point that they probably wouldn't want to see pictures of your son and I agree that it says more about the random men following you than it does about your son.

I don't know, a load of random men commenting on your photos and following you (I'm assuming you don't know them personally), does seem sleazy to me (on their part) so I imagine he's probably right about the type of men they are and why they are following you.

Ps. I can totally see why you're offended too btw.

He's trying to imply that the "real you" is not as attractive as the "Insta you" because you have a child in real life.
This is an interesting insight into how he views your child/you as a mother.
Does he think having a child has made you available to be his partner where you would be out of his league otherwise?
Or does he expect gratitude from the single mother for dating her?
You know him, I don't.
A giveaway is the reaction if you aren't at home with your child on a night you usually would be. You could have asked a friend/family member who called to sit in your home while your child slept so you could pop to the shop doesn't have to be an event or anything.
If he's horrified that your not where your "supposed" to be, dump him.

Of course he’d be upset or offended. He doesn’t want you to realise he wants to take you down a peg or two. It was a sly comment designed to make you question yourself/your account and to imply he’s doing you a favour.

@PorkNPickle

It depends why you have a lot of followers imo. If it's a lot of men following you and liking your pictures because you're attractive and post lots of selfies then I can see his point that they probably wouldn't want to see pictures of your son and I agree that it says more about the random men following you than it does about your son.

I don't know, a load of random men commenting on your photos and following you (I'm assuming you don't know them personally), does seem sleazy to me (on their part) so I imagine he's probably right about the type of men they are and why they are following you.

You're totally right, and this is why I'm not sure if I am being sensitive.

The page is predominantly photos of me, so maybe people wouldn't want to see my son, but I interact with all my friends and family on there too and post other content on my stories (not main feed) such as nice photographs I've taken on walks, my cat, friends, family, activism posts etc.

Going against the grain I didn't actually read this as you did.

My Instagram account is on private and my profile picture doesn't have my DD in it, I've often made similar jokes when random men follow me that they wouldn't do that if they knew what was on there (as in all family pics).

I would have said and interpreted this in the same way he did - making fun of the men.

You know his personality and what tone he used best, though.

I think its a bit creepy to have strange men following you. For photographs of your cleavage. Why would you encourage that kind of thing. Or have I misunderstood.,

What. A. Prick.

Sometimes, there are moments when the mask slips just a little, and you get a quick glance as to who a person really is. This is one of those moments. This would be a deal breaker for me.

He's shockingly immature, shallow, and insensitive.

@Viviennemary

I think its a bit creepy to have strange men following you. For photographs of your cleavage. Why would you encourage that kind of thing. Or have I misunderstood.,

That's not the whole point of my Instagram, I will just take a photo in whatever I've worn on a particular day and on some days that may be more low cut. I'm not posting anything raunchy or putting on specific clothes to take photographs in that I wouldn't wear when out and about with DS.

@aSofaNearYou

Going against the grain I didn't actually read this as you did.

My Instagram account is on private and my profile picture doesn't have my DD in it, I've often made similar jokes when random men follow me that they wouldn't do that if they knew what was on there (as in all family pics).

I would have said and interpreted this in the same way he did - making fun of the men.

You know his personality and what tone he used best, though.

This is how I read it too. Why would random men follow an account full of pictures of kids ? ( not talking about obvious reasons here)

I took it to be a (horribly) accurate comment on what men are like.

From a man’s point of view.

I don’t see it as being a nasty / dismissive comment about you at all.

@Brightmagic2021

That’s an unpleasant comment implying that you’re less than because you have a child (but he will tolerate it and you should be lucky.)

This. He is implying other men won’t find you attractive as a mother - so you are ‘lucky’ to have him as a DP.

I once had a friend say similar he got dumped as a friend. Vile I think my ex friends actual comment was something like - no man wants to raise another mans child it’s just nature - cuckoo in the nest.

15 years later he’s still unmarried at aged 50

I've always been a big LTB person but I think you are unreasonable and being irrational here. It is a fact that men don't tend to follow women who post a lot about their kids. A FACT. It's mainly women who are interested in reading about kids. The term 'too much baggage' is often said because men often, naturally, don't want to get involved with a woman who has children. Rightly or wrongly, that is nature. If men who follow you saw you posting about your kids a lot, duh, of course you would lose followers. Your DP is saying nothing but the honest factual truth. If something as straightforward, factual and innocuous upsets you I would hate to see you handle a worry. Your DP said what any man would say truthfully. It's so innocuous, I don't get why it would remotely upset you. And I'm extremely sensitive and say LTB at the drop of a hat on here.

I’m an old fart and only just joined Instagram
I was horrified to find my account was not private and I had 10 strangers following me without my knowledge
I found a teenager to help me fix this
Personally I did it really weird anyone who likes random strangers following them
Why would you want strangers looking at your pictures? Are you not scared of stalkers or creeps?
I’d listen to your boyfriend comments closely and be alert to any controlling or jealous behaviour
If your account is not private never post your kids face

Let’s call a spade a spade, he’s implying that your new followers consist of a lot of men who want to fap over you and if they knew you were a mother and saw a picture of your child your sexual value would decrease (because single mums/mums in general can’t also be sexual beings to these types) and so would unfollow.

That’s pretty nasty any way you look at it and I think also shows he buys into this mindset. It’s a put down basically about your value as an attractive woman and the fact he’s even thinking like that with regards to you is telling. As is that you feel he’d take offence at you being hurt by his shitty comment.

What a nasty fuking arsehole He sounds like he is jealous and insecure. Jealous of you having lots of followers, and also jealous that men look at your account/read your posts/like your pics.

FFS @tvsettin bin this horrible, jealous, spiteful, negging, petty, childish twunt. A man who is jealous of his partner's success - and jealous of men connecting with her/talking to her, is NOT a man you want to be in a relationship with.

I have around 500 followers on instagram, around 50% women/50% men, and I post mostly nature pics and animal/bird pics, and have 20 or so of me. Just like the women, the men follow because they like my pics, and I follow some of them and like their pics too! Nothing seedy or weird in it like some are implying.

The posters thinking it's odd or 'wrong' clearly do not have instagram, or any clue what it's about.