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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP comment about my son on social media

223 replies

tvsettin · 21/10/2021 17:18

DP of seven months and I live 90 miles apart but see each other most weekends. I have a 3 year old DS who's face I do not post on my public social media. DP doesn't have any children.

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes. Last night on a video call when discussing this, DP laughed and said "I wonder how many people would unfollow you if you posted your DS".

I said I used to post him and didn't lose any followers and he said "that was before your account blew up. Thirsty men would definitely unfollow you if they knew you had a kid."

This has upset me, I'm struggling to put into words why. DP thinks I'm being sensitive and that he was laughing at the men, not me.

AIBU to feel like that was a shitty comment to make?

OP posts:
Maxstrong · 21/10/2021 19:00

Do you accept requests from strangers to see your personal photographs?

LittleDandelionClock · 21/10/2021 19:01

He is not a good man @tvsettin You really don't want to spend your life with him IMO. He sounds spiteful and petty and vindictive and jealous. All awful traits.

PropertyUndecided · 21/10/2021 19:01

@aSofaNearYou

Going against the grain I didn't actually read this as you did.

My Instagram account is on private and my profile picture doesn't have my DD in it, I've often made similar jokes when random men follow me that they wouldn't do that if they knew what was on there (as in all family pics).

I would have said and interpreted this in the same way he did - making fun of the men.

You know his personality and what tone he used best, though.

I’m with @aSofaNearYou. If most of the men see following you for your sexy photos, they’re likely to unfollow if you start posting photos of your child because that’s not what they’re after.

If my dh said that to me, I’d not be offended . But then again, I don’t post photos of myself on insta so I probably don’t understand how it all works

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:02

Could be something as simple as she shared a pic of a canal with a fish swimming in it, and put #canal #fish on her post when she posted the photo, or posted a pic of a cat, and put #catsofinstagram #cats, and men interested in fishing - and cats - saw the pic when they were looking for pics featuring their interests, and liked the look of the account and the pics, and followed her. It's REALLY not that unusual for this to happen.

As someone who works a little bit in social media & knows people who work in it a lot it really doesn't work like the above anymore.

It takes quite a bit of work & commitment to get your photos to appear at the top in searches & you have to engage with other accounts to achieve that.

TheAverageUser · 21/10/2021 19:03

It sounds more like he was making fun of the men following you than you. The implication is they want to follow an attractive single woman which I'm sure is true of a lot of social media.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:03

@Maxstrong

Do you accept requests from strangers to see your personal photographs?
No I don't. The settings on my private account are so that I accept o deny follow requests, I am only followed on there by close friends and family. The same as my Facebook.
OP posts:
SunshineCake1 · 21/10/2021 19:03

Wtf does thirsty men mean? Sounds creepy.

Dump him.

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:04

He literally said I'd lose followers if I posted a photo of DS. It upset me.

Why would it upset you though?

He sounds spiteful and petty and vindictive and jealous. All awful traits.

I just don't understand how you can infer this from that comment

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2021 19:04

@SunshineCake1

Wtf does thirsty men mean? Sounds creepy.

Dump him.

Thirsty means desperate.

I think it's an Americanism.

heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 19:05

@TheAverageUser

It sounds more like he was making fun of the men following you than you. The implication is they want to follow an attractive single woman which I'm sure is true of a lot of social media.
This is literally it! No clue why people are saying to dump him, he's a horrible person etc. What about what he said has upset/offended you?
frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:06

The settings on my private account are so that I accept o deny follow requests, I am only followed on there by close friends and family. The same as my Facebook.

Although if they are all family & friends then I don't think they would be put off by picture of child as they would know about them. I'm confused how your account is blowing up if you only engage with people you know though.

heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 19:06

@LittleDandelionClock

He is not a good man *@tvsettin* You really don't want to spend your life with him IMO. He sounds spiteful and petty and vindictive and jealous. All awful traits.
@LittleDandelionClock how did you get all of that from one little sentence?
Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:06

Why would it upset you though?

I did say I'm struggling to articulate why. I think it is because it seems like he's trying to take me down a peg, as someone else has said. Or trying to say the "real me" isn't as good.

OP posts:
DedalusBloom · 21/10/2021 19:07

I think you might be being a little disingenuous. You have 2 accounts - one personal where you post pictures of your son ( which presumably is private?) and a public one which showcases more of your professional life ( as in: you're an influencer or similar?)

It doesn't matter if you're fully clothed, showing cleavage or semi naked - if you're hashtagging #selfie etc then yes the fap brigade are trawling those and other tags for wank material. Your partner knows it and is being honest.

It's not great that happens, it's not great that he very probably is trying to undermine you because he feels insecure and wants to assert his dominance over you. Honestly, he does sound like at best, a thoughtless idiot and at worst, a gaslighting prick.

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:07

It sounds more like he was making fun of the men following you than you. The implication is they want to follow an attractive single woman which I'm sure is true of a lot of social media.

Exactly! I mean is this really a new concept?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 21/10/2021 19:07

*It depends why you have a lot of followers imo. If it's a lot of men following you and liking your pictures because you're attractive and post lots of selfies then I can see his point that they probably wouldn't want to see pictures of your son and I agree that it says more about the random men following you than it does about your son.

I don't know, a load of random men commenting on your photos and following you (I'm assuming you don't know them personally), does seem sleazy to me (on their part) so I imagine he's probably right about the type of men they are and why they are following you.*

This, to a certain extent. And I’d guess that you do know this, but you’d rather not acknowledge it, so you’re annoyed that he’s referenced it out loud.

Plenty of men follow “everyday” women. They’re intentions are the same. It’s a different way of scratching the same itch.

If you started posting photos of your son, you wouldn’t be scratching that itch.

It’s no slight on your son - it wouldn’t matter if you had the best child in the world. It’s just not what they are there to see. It’s not the account or audience that you’re building.

That’s fine. Plenty of people have instagrams with the intention that it boosts their self esteem. It’s fine for you to do the same. Just make sure that 1) You don’t become reliant on it. Men are fickle, accounts change, you could get banned tomorrow, it’s not reliable. And 2) You’re comfortable with it.

Your response to this suggests that one of those isn’t true, potentially both.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:07

@frazzlesmore

The settings on my private account are so that I accept o deny follow requests, I am only followed on there by close friends and family. The same as my Facebook.

Although if they are all family & friends then I don't think they would be put off by picture of child as they would know about them. I'm confused how your account is blowing up if you only engage with people you know though.

No. Again, like I have said. I have a public account where I don't post DS, and then I have a private account.
OP posts:
frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:07

So there's 2 accounts? one personal & one public? I'm confused now

Grellbunt · 21/10/2021 19:08

TBH he is probably right. But surely if you have the self confidence to have a non-private Instagram account you already know that and can handle that knowledge ? I don't really understand why anyone would voluntarily show strangers photos of their normal life because given the amount of harassment I've had just going about my normal life I just wouldn't trust men to be "innocent"!

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:09

@frazzlesmore

So there's 2 accounts? one personal & one public? I'm confused now
Yes, I've said this from my very first few posts on this thread.
OP posts:
Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:10

I think you might be being a little disingenuous. You have 2 accounts - one personal where you post pictures of your son ( which presumably is private?) and a public one which showcases more of your professional life ( as in: you're an influencer or similar?)

Yes, the one where I post my son is private. I have posted my son on my highlights, e.g. the back of his head but I do not post his face. That is for his own safety and privacy.

OP posts:
MissAmbrosia · 21/10/2021 19:10

I am mystified by Instagram. Who wants to follow some random person to see what they are wearing taking the kids for a walk? Unless friends or family. Or odd, sad or pervy people.

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:10

I did say I'm struggling to articulate why. I think it is because it seems like he's trying to take me down a peg, as someone else has said. Or trying to say the "real me" isn't as good.

I don't understand how it can be interpreted as taking you down a peg?

I don't even understand the real me thing.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2021 19:11

@tvsettin

Why would it upset you though?

I did say I'm struggling to articulate why. I think it is because it seems like he's trying to take me down a peg, as someone else has said. Or trying to say the "real me" isn't as good.

It's not about the 'real you'.

If he's calling the men thirsty, he probably thinks they wank over your photos and some men prefer the object of their desire, to be single and child-free.

Although God only knows why that'd make a difference in the wanking stakes 🤷‍♀️😂

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:11

Who wants to follow some random person to see what they are wearing taking the kids for a walk? Unless friends or family. Or odd, sad or pervy people.

There is that.... 😆