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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP comment about my son on social media

223 replies

tvsettin · 21/10/2021 17:18

DP of seven months and I live 90 miles apart but see each other most weekends. I have a 3 year old DS who's face I do not post on my public social media. DP doesn't have any children.

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes. Last night on a video call when discussing this, DP laughed and said "I wonder how many people would unfollow you if you posted your DS".

I said I used to post him and didn't lose any followers and he said "that was before your account blew up. Thirsty men would definitely unfollow you if they knew you had a kid."

This has upset me, I'm struggling to put into words why. DP thinks I'm being sensitive and that he was laughing at the men, not me.

AIBU to feel like that was a shitty comment to make?

OP posts:
frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:28

You could always post a pic of you with dc (back of head for example) & analysis the engagement?

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:29

@AlbertBridge

It's not about followers or likes, it's about the comment my DP made and what that represents.

Well, in your OP you said the comment came about during a conversation ABOUT your followers:

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes. Last night on a video call when discussing this

Yes, because DP said I looked nice in my recent post, then pointed out how much my engagement had increased. I didn't bring it up.
OP posts:
BaggyBloomers · 21/10/2021 19:31

@aSofaNearYou

Going against the grain I didn't actually read this as you did.

My Instagram account is on private and my profile picture doesn't have my DD in it, I've often made similar jokes when random men follow me that they wouldn't do that if they knew what was on there (as in all family pics).

I would have said and interpreted this in the same way he did - making fun of the men.

You know his personality and what tone he used best, though.

I'm going against the grain here too because I also read it as he was making fun of men.
namechangetheworld · 21/10/2021 19:31

Come on, you're being disingenuous. You're obviously aware that the majority of your male followers are primarily interested in your selfies for wank fodder as opposed to your "outfits" or "walking routes". Your DP's comment was totally valid. Maybe it was an offhand comment, maybe he's just not too keen on a load of randoms wanking over his girlfriend's photos. As is his right.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2021 19:32

If you're purposely building up followers OP, with a view to earning money from them, you're probably going to have to develop a bit of a thicker skin.

You know how brutal social media can be.

All your DP has done is point out that some 'thirsty/desperate' men, wouldn't be as interested if they knew you have a child.

And it's true. It would also be true if they found out you have a DP.

Igneo · 21/10/2021 19:33

He didn't pose it as if I became a mum account. He literally said I'd lose followers if I posted a photo of DS. It upset me
I think you are BU here, because the effect of both of these would be the same. You just don’t like the more personal angle he took by naming your son in the way he commented.
I wonder if you don’t like the reality of what he has pointed out to you, that you are selling yourself as wank-fodder, rather than upset that he made a comment.

Are you happy with getting money for being wank-fodder?

Gilda152 · 21/10/2021 19:33

I think you know he's right. You have a private account with your son on it. But the public one omits your day to day life with your son - for his safety and privacy fair enough. But you are trying to portray a different public persona to that of your private life. No issue with that as long as you are honest with yourself about why. Your DP is right that your male followers would probably drop off and you know he's right also. If you're looking for validation from others and monetising it too, you kow already that to do that you need to present as an 'available person'. This is not new, it's age old. I don't see anything wrong with what your DP said, he was completely astute in his observation and he's best placed to know how men think, more than women are.

HostaFireAndIce · 21/10/2021 19:34

Unless he's generally an arse, I don't see a big problem with what he said. It's like my elderly mother; she kept telling me she got propositions from men in America. I told her it was because her relationship status is set to single. I wasn't saying anything about her personally!

crazeelala2u · 21/10/2021 19:34

@aSofaNearYou

Going against the grain I didn't actually read this as you did.

My Instagram account is on private and my profile picture doesn't have my DD in it, I've often made similar jokes when random men follow me that they wouldn't do that if they knew what was on there (as in all family pics).

I would have said and interpreted this in the same way he did - making fun of the men.

You know his personality and what tone he used best, though.

This is what I immediately thought as well. My profile picture has professional makeup and hair and I'm dressed to the 9's. However, when I get random requests I laugh because everything else is my family stuff and I'm dressed in sweats or my baggy tshirts and shorts. NOTHING they'd want to see.

I don't take what he's saying against you AT ALL, it's about the men I inferred. My bf says the same, if my grown kids were on there, it'd be totally different.

heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 19:34

@frazzlesmore

it's about the comment my DP made and what that represents.

I genuinely don't understand what it's meant to represent? That other men find you attractive but they would find you less so if they knew you were a mum?

@frazzlesmore we have both been making similar comments suggesting that the OPs partner was focusing on the men that follow her and the comment not necessarily being towards the OP at all. Neither of us have got a response from the OP in regards to this viewpoint so maybe the OP wants to stay upset!
MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 21/10/2021 19:36

It sounds like a dig at your followers not at your son.

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:36

@heebiejeebies45

Perhaps that's where the discomfort has come from for the OP as she doesn't want to acknowledge that aspect but as @WorraLiberty says if you are going to shill on social media you need rhino skin!

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:38

@Igneo

He didn't pose it as if I became a mum account. He literally said I'd lose followers if I posted a photo of DS. It upset me I think you are BU here, because the effect of both of these would be the same. You just don’t like the more personal angle he took by naming your son in the way he commented. I wonder if you don’t like the reality of what he has pointed out to you, that you are selling yourself as wank-fodder, rather than upset that he made a comment.

Are you happy with getting money for being wank-fodder?

What a butterfly ridiculous thing to say. How do you know if that post constitutes "wank fodder". I have said, countless times, I don't post anything even remotely "raunchy" or provocative. I am followed by all kinds of people.
OP posts:
Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:39

heebiejeebie

I haven't responded to everyone on here, not just you two. I have stopped responding to frazzle because they clearly haven't read the thread and keep asking me things I have already answered.

OP posts:
mewe3 · 21/10/2021 19:39

Why do mumsnetters say you should dump someone so flippantly😂 it's an accurate comment, not because you're less for having a son more because men are thirsty and are probably not following to see your son.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 19:41

If you're purposely building up followers OP, with a view to earning money from them, you're probably going to have to develop a bit of a thicker skin.

I have very thick skin. Unpleasant comments are totally different coming from your partner, than they are coming from complete strangers.

OP posts:
heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 19:42

[quote frazzlesmore]@heebiejeebies45

Perhaps that's where the discomfort has come from for the OP as she doesn't want to acknowledge that aspect but as @WorraLiberty says if you are going to shill on social media you need rhino skin! [/quote]
Maybe so! And hahaha that is so true, social media can be a bitch! Especially IG lol

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:42

@tvsettin why is it unpleasant? do you think he was being rude about your son?

overnightangel · 21/10/2021 19:44

@AryaStarkWolf

Yeah, I don't like that it's like he's making out that you should be grateful that he wants you because most men wouldn't because of your "baggage"
Yep 100% this. It’ll only get worse from here. It’s only been 7 months, get the fuck away from him
heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 19:45

@tvsettin

heebiejeebie

I haven't responded to everyone on here, not just you two. I have stopped responding to frazzle because they clearly haven't read the thread and keep asking me things I have already answered.

Fair enough! I still think points from both of us along with other pp have been very valid however maybe because we are agreeing with your partner is isn't necessarily what you want to hear
heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 19:46

@mewe3

Why do mumsnetters say you should dump someone so flippantly😂 it's an accurate comment, not because you're less for having a son more because men are thirsty and are probably not following to see your son.
Honestly😂

I'm starting to view it as a cop out from some posters instead of giving a genuine, thought out response😂

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 19:47

have stopped responding to frazzle because they clearly haven't read the thread and keep asking me things I have already answered.

I did get confused as I initially didn't realise you had two accounts but I asked you lots of things that you ignored 😆

Dontbeme · 21/10/2021 19:47

@tvsettin has there other little comments from him over the time you've been dating? Little remarks designed to get under your skin but seemingly innocent on the face of it? It just seems like if you were happy in general with this guy that this one particular comment could be read a number of ways and brushed off and forgotten. The fact it's niggling you could be a red flag being sent up to be alert.

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 21/10/2021 19:47

Anyone who spoke about my child in even a remotely negative way would not be getting any more of my time.

TractorAndHeadphones · 21/10/2021 19:48

So you have a public social media account in which you pose photos of yourself , which you plan to make money with. What exactly is your angle?
Since you haven’t named anything specific but generic ‘activities’ and ‘engagement’ I’m going to presume there’s a fair bit of you, and while you’re not wearing anything raunchy you’re certainly not there in your sweats and PJ’s?

I used to have a public account (president of a uni society) and while my pictures weren’t raunchy/provocative they were well taken and I looked good. The amount of thirsty men /random DM’s I got was crazy.

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