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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP comment about my son on social media

223 replies

tvsettin · 21/10/2021 17:18

DP of seven months and I live 90 miles apart but see each other most weekends. I have a 3 year old DS who's face I do not post on my public social media. DP doesn't have any children.

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes. Last night on a video call when discussing this, DP laughed and said "I wonder how many people would unfollow you if you posted your DS".

I said I used to post him and didn't lose any followers and he said "that was before your account blew up. Thirsty men would definitely unfollow you if they knew you had a kid."

This has upset me, I'm struggling to put into words why. DP thinks I'm being sensitive and that he was laughing at the men, not me.

AIBU to feel like that was a shitty comment to make?

OP posts:
Waterfallgirl · 21/10/2021 20:16

@Anonymous48
Me and you both!

OP just to clarify - you make money from your Instagram? I don’t have Instagram - how does that work and what do you sell? Do you sell pics of yourself?

Def not judging just trying to understand ?!!

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 20:16

@heebiejeebies45

There is a fair bit of me, but I'm fully covered up in the majority of the photos and I do actually have photos on there in sweats. It's not a "sexy" page at all

But it isn't hard to understand that if you go from posting pictures of yourself and your day or whatever your feed is made up of. To then posting a picture of your son (even if you don't post him frequently and just post him here and there) that the 'thirsty men' may lose internet in your posts and may not want to continue following you anymore?

Whether you agree with that statement or not, surely that's not difficult to understand?
Or are you really not willing to try and accept this viewpoint? If it's the latter then I have no clue why you'd post on the AIBU board

Or are you really not willing to try and accept this viewpoint? If it's the latter then I have no clue why you'd post on the AIBU board

Have you missed where I have said I WANT to accept this viewpoint, I want that to be the correct interpretation. So bizarre.

OP posts:
Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 20:17

Hey OP, do you post many romantic pictures of you and DP on your public account?

No, I don't. But that's a whole other story.

OP posts:
Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 20:18

What is it you promote op ?

Mainly things to do with fashion, some things to do with my degree and my cat too.

OP posts:
Honestmary · 21/10/2021 20:20

@tvsettin

I'm curious, honestly. Why do folk do this, do you get money? Or is it just self-esteen? (outing myself as really ancient here!)

Either, or both. The motivation behind my account is money.

Ooh, genuinely interested to know how you get money from this?
Yuppie20 · 21/10/2021 20:21

I don't know, seems like his comments have been blown way out of proportion to me. I take from it that he said you have male followers that obviously find you attractive (why else would random men follow you if your not promoting something?) And joked that if they knew you had a family it would take away the attraction.... I don't find that really a bad comment tbh 🙃

Aspiringmatriarch · 21/10/2021 20:22

I think it was an unpleasant comment. I mean it definitely wasn't a compliment, was it? 'You know how you've worked hard to build up followers... most of the men on there are just using you as wank fodder but if they knew you were a single mum they'd be totally turned off and wouldn't even bother'.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 20:22

OP just to clarify - you make money from your Instagram? I don’t have Instagram - how does that work and what do you sell? Do you sell pics of yourself?

So the majority of money on Instagram comes from brands. For example, a clothing company may approach and offer x amount of money for x amount of posts wearing (and promoting) their clothes.

A lot of "influencers" also get free things in exchange for a post.

Some also get money through affiliate links, so brands will give a link to post and the influencer will get x amount of money every time someone clicks on it.

OP posts:
spotcheck · 21/10/2021 20:24

@Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou

He has a point. Its unfair but women with get more attention when they look unattached. The minute they post photos with their child, that attention drops. Surely you know that?
This. All the live long day
PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 21/10/2021 20:24

@LittleDandelionClock

What a nasty fuking arsehole Hmm He sounds like he is jealous and insecure. Jealous of you having lots of followers, and also jealous that men look at your account/read your posts/like your pics.

FFS @tvsettin bin this horrible, jealous, spiteful, negging, petty, childish twunt. A man who is jealous of his partner's success - and jealous of men connecting with her/talking to her, is NOT a man you want to be in a relationship with.

I have around 500 followers on instagram, around 50% women/50% men, and I post mostly nature pics and animal/bird pics, and have 20 or so of me. Just like the women, the men follow because they like my pics, and I follow some of them and like their pics too! Nothing seedy or weird in it like some are implying.

The posters thinking it's odd or 'wrong' clearly do not have instagram, or any clue what it's about.

@LittleDandelionClock

Your IG account sounds very different to OPs, though.

Mine is full of my dogs. I get lots of followers, who I don't now, presumably like seeing pictures of my dogs !

OP sounds like she mainly posts pictures of herself, posing in her day to day outfits, some do which show cleavage. If your account is open to followers, random unknowns who follow you are doing so for a reason.

And it's probably not because they like your earrings.

OP - I think your boyfriend is just telling it like it is.

5329871e · 21/10/2021 20:25

What’s the name of your Instagram account? I might follow you if I like your clothes Grin

heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 20:25

Have you missed where I have said I WANT to accept this viewpoint, I want that to be the correct interpretation. So bizarre

Yes I did actually, I've only just gone through all your recent posts and have seen where you said that. You tend to respond to all the other questions regarding what it is you post etc hence why I thought you wasn't interested in this viewpoint.
I do seem to be repeating myself tho so hopefully you can figure out what it is about his comment that upset you and are able to move forward

BSideBaby · 21/10/2021 20:26

*That’s an unpleasant comment implying that you’re less than because you have a child (but he will tolerate it and you should be lucky.)

This. He is implying other men won’t find you attractive as a mother - so you are ‘lucky’ to have him as a DP.*

Seriously? Is he not just pointing out the truth from a male perspective? That most men 'following' attractive women they don't know (formerly known as 'strangers') on Instagram are not interested in them as a person? It's a fact, and hardly worth dumping your DP over. Surely it's no shock to any grown woman that men can't cope with the 'baggage' of a woman with responsibilities?

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 20:26

@5329871e

What’s the name of your Instagram account? I might follow you if I like your clothes Grin
Haha I don't want to out myself!
OP posts:
NickiWap · 21/10/2021 20:28

Start posting pictures of your DS and see what happens. I don't think he was being mean, just honest about how men unfortunately react when the women they follow start posting pictures of their children

TurnUpTurnip · 21/10/2021 20:29

I think what he said was true

lnsufficientFuns · 21/10/2021 20:32

I can’t get past people discussing his many insta followed tbh 😂

TSSDNCOP · 21/10/2021 20:34

To be honest, I don't think he's unreasonable. Everything you've said points to a certain image you want to project, and I'm so doing are attracting followers.

Whatever your promoting doesn't involve kids be it cycling, fishing, lifestyle whatever. If it did either you'd have DS in the shots, but it seems you've decided against that particular image.

Presumably DP can see the demographic of your followers better than us, and is simply saying that in the context of your Insta you'd have less of them if you included DS.

He's not criticising DS. He's not criticising or trying to stop you. It's his observation, albeit perhaps clumsily put.

Journeyofthedragons · 21/10/2021 20:36

I wonder how many of the posters who say that the men are following because they like fashion/degrees/cats have DPs with a big following list on IG?

🤔

5329871e · 21/10/2021 20:37

Honestly though, if you posted about your kid most people would love it. I follow some random women just because I like the way they look, despite being a heterosexual woman myself. If your account is really innocent, I don’t think you’ll lose many followers.

I can also see it from your DP’s perspective. I’m guessing he’s not very familiar with Instagram, and might think it’s seedier than it is. I have over 10K followers on mine and my DH jokes about it sometimes, but I love it and it’s all innocent so it’s just a harmless joke.

Phrowzunn · 21/10/2021 20:38

I think if you were being really honest with yourself you would admit that the reason you don’t post pictures of yourself with your son or with your boyfriend is because that is not the image you are trying to sell on your public page. Your boyfriend knows this and maybe just wanted to point it out and make you aware that he knows this. Maybe because he thinks it’s a bit naff that a grown woman is trying to sell herself on Instagram. I know my husband would cringe if I created a new page with loads of selfies of me all done up and no mention of him or our children. Anyone with a brain would know that at least some of your following is going to be random pervy men. But you know this. And I think your boyfriend was maybe just pointing out that he knows this too.

Grellbunt · 21/10/2021 20:38

I think on balance it sounds a bit like it could have been malicious. Only you can tell... deep down you probably do already know.

Milkbottlelegs · 21/10/2021 20:38

They’re not following you because they like your personality OP. I think you’re being pretty naive here and he’s just telling it like it is for lots of men.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 20:42

I think if you were being really honest with yourself you would admit that the reason you don’t post pictures of yourself with your son or with your boyfriend is because that is not the image you are trying to sell on your public page

Is is completely false. I post my son, just not his face, as I have said. I don't post his face for his own safety and privacy. I don't post DP for a whole other reason. It's nothing to do with public image, posting DS would probably get me more followers as "mummy Instagram" is HUGE.

OP posts:
winterisaroundthecorner · 21/10/2021 20:44

Meh. You know he's telling the truth.

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