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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP comment about my son on social media

223 replies

tvsettin · 21/10/2021 17:18

DP of seven months and I live 90 miles apart but see each other most weekends. I have a 3 year old DS who's face I do not post on my public social media. DP doesn't have any children.

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes. Last night on a video call when discussing this, DP laughed and said "I wonder how many people would unfollow you if you posted your DS".

I said I used to post him and didn't lose any followers and he said "that was before your account blew up. Thirsty men would definitely unfollow you if they knew you had a kid."

This has upset me, I'm struggling to put into words why. DP thinks I'm being sensitive and that he was laughing at the men, not me.

AIBU to feel like that was a shitty comment to make?

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 21/10/2021 18:35

It's not a slight against you. It's a comment about the nature of the men.
Out of interest why is your account blowing up -have you gotten on the radar of the bots?

toocold54 · 21/10/2021 18:36

Sounds like he's trying to take you down a peg

I agree, he’s definitely jealous that you get a lot of attention on there.

Like every female I get a lot of follows, likes and comments on Instagram and there is nothing special about me or my account. I have a couple photos of me and my DD and I find these are the ones that get the most attention - it’s a way of showing that they’ll be good partners as they like your child lol. I guess it’s a bit like when you start dating someone and they buy your child sweets and presents to show you that they care for them. So he’s going to be in for a massive shock if he thinks men are put off my a women having a child.

TractorAndHeadphones · 21/10/2021 18:38

Just to add OP it's very strange to have an increase in followers - and likes all of a sudden if all you're doing is sharing your very ordinary life and thoughts. I'd find it odd and creepy.
People are overreacting about his being jealous etc but this is Mumsnet. You know his character and if he is indeed jealous/controlling it will show up in other ways.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2021 18:38

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes

Why? I mean, is there a particular reason for it?

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2021 18:39

Your DP is saying nothing but the honest factual truth

Some honest factual truths don't need to said though, do they? Especially when it only serves to hurt and diminish someone. Perhaps you're someone who places value in being "brutally honest." In my experience, brutally honest people are simply bullies hiding behind the guise of being righteous.

happytoday73 · 21/10/2021 18:39

He's projecting his thoughts on to others... I think it tells you what he thinks about the fact you are a package deal

shinynewapple21 · 21/10/2021 18:40

All sounds a bit off TBH. What does he mean by 'thirsty men'? I don't get who your 'followers' are on your insta account.

LittleDandelionClock · 21/10/2021 18:44

@WorraLiberty

My Instagram account has recently started gaining a much higher amount of followers and likes

Why? I mean, is there a particular reason for it?

Could be something as simple as she shared a pic of a canal with a fish swimming in it, and put #canal #fish on her post when she posted the photo, or posted a pic of a cat, and put #catsofinstagram #cats, and men interested in fishing - and cats - saw the pic when they were looking for pics featuring their interests, and liked the look of the account and the pics, and followed her. It's REALLY not that unusual for this to happen.

Some people clearly have no CLUE about what instagram is about, and are trying to make it into something nasty and seedy. Says more about them really.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 18:44

My followers/likes are increasing because I'm posting more and doing other specific things, it's just how the algorithm works sometimes. Being more active on my account = more engagement

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Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 18:45

There's nothing seedy about it, there's 1000's of other women to follow for those reasons who post bikini/underwear posts of raunchy photographs. I totally respect their choice to do that, but I don't on my page

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TSSDNCOP · 21/10/2021 18:46

Have you wondered why your account is getting lots of followers? It seems to me he's pointing out you've got an open account on which you post glam photos of yourself (plus the cats etc). It may appear to the men following you that you're glam and childless, thus someone they may be more interested in.

LittleDandelionClock · 21/10/2021 18:47

@tvsettin

My followers/likes are increasing because I'm posting more and doing other specific things, it's just how the algorithm works sometimes. Being more active on my account = more engagement
Cross post. Exactly what I said. Take no notice of the weird comments from people saying it's really odd that these men follow you. As I said, it's not that unusual OR weird Wink

Yeah of course a few men may look at a pic of you on there and think 'ooh 'ello she's all right' and may fancy their chances, but there will be waaaay more who follow you because they like your pics/share your interests.

TSSDNCOP · 21/10/2021 18:48

Maybe you're a glam cyclist then. That might explain all the extra followers.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 18:50

Even if I'm being followed purely for my looks, was DP correct in what he said? I really don't know if I'm being sensitive or not. I still feel really insulted

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frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 18:50

I think he's right though, I presume your followers prefer cleavage to kids?

InFiveMins · 21/10/2021 18:51

I didn't interpret the comment as offensive. I think he's right - a lot of men run in the opposite direction when there are children in the mix. I wouldn't take it to heart at all.

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 18:52

Although if it's not a private account I wouldn't post pics of your child.

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 18:52

frazzle

I'm not just followed by men, I'm followed by all sorts of people (hundreds of which, I know) and many have children. I also follow a lot of people who have children. My Instagram also isn't just based on my cleavage. Like I said before, I'm not posting myself wearing anything I wouldn't wear whilst out with DS

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Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 18:53

I said before, I have a private account where I post pictures of DS

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frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 18:53

My followers/likes are increasing because I'm posting more and doing other specific things, it's just how the algorithm works sometimes. Being more active on my account = more engagement

You must be liking & commenting on other accounts too though? that's how the algorithm works.

heebiejeebies45 · 21/10/2021 18:53

I don't understand the comments saying he sounds controlling or he's implying you're 'less than because you have a child,' or you have 'baggage.'

What he's said is absolutely true and me and my boyfriend have a similar running joke. We had our first baby in May, he isn't one to post on social media and I remember saying 'imagine some of the girls reaction on snapchat when they've found out you've had a babyGrin.' When he posted our baby on Father's Day the reaction is exactly what we had expected! When I announced my pregnancy on Twitter I had comments from guys who fancied me and were shocked and quite a few understandably unfollowed me!

Honestly it's just how some people are. He's definitely making a point about the men and how some people's interests in your post may magically disappear if you ever made it known that you had a child. It's more a comment about men/women/strangers on the internet then about you. I don't think there's anything to be upset or insulted about.

What is it about what he said that has insulted you OP?

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 18:55

@frazzlesmore

My followers/likes are increasing because I'm posting more and doing other specific things, it's just how the algorithm works sometimes. Being more active on my account = more engagement

You must be liking & commenting on other accounts too though? that's how the algorithm works.

Yes, I said and other things too. I like and comment on friend's posts all of the time.
OP posts:
frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 18:57

@tvsettin I'm not making a judgement about what you are posting but I still don't think your OP was wrong.

Years ago my twitter profile was headshot & blurb eg london girl likes cocktail. I used to get so many dm's & photos. Changed my blurb some years later (didn't bother changing photo) london mum of 3. Huge reduction in dms.

I follow fashion & travel bloggers, not interested in mum ones. If someone I was following started posting lots of kids photos I'd lose interest. Not sure why that's controversial.

frazzlesmore · 21/10/2021 18:58

DP not OP

Original poster
tvsettin · 21/10/2021 18:59

[quote frazzlesmore]@tvsettin I'm not making a judgement about what you are posting but I still don't think your OP was wrong.

Years ago my twitter profile was headshot & blurb eg london girl likes cocktail. I used to get so many dm's & photos. Changed my blurb some years later (didn't bother changing photo) london mum of 3. Huge reduction in dms.

I follow fashion & travel bloggers, not interested in mum ones. If someone I was following started posting lots of kids photos I'd lose interest. Not sure why that's controversial. [/quote]
He didn't pose it as if I became a mum account. He literally said I'd lose followers if I posted a photo of DS. It upset me.

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