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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Telling 9yo DC that santa doesn't exist

224 replies

Jessica60 · 16/10/2021 21:43

My recently turned 9 year old figured out the tooth fairy doesn't exist this morning as I forgot to put money and remove tooth.
She then said "does Santa even exist"
It was first thing in the morning, really early and I just replied "no he doesn't " I did this as I thought she had already worked it out and didn't want to lie. She then had a full on meltdown and couldn't believe he wasn't real. I then explained the story of the real saint nic but she has been upset all day.
Was I unreasonable telling her at this age?
If I had time to think i would have probably come with a good excuse.

OP posts:

purpleme12 · 16/10/2021 21:47

Oh my gosh that's really hard
I can see why you went down that route if she was questioning it

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 16/10/2021 21:50

Why did you do that?
I mean I guess she's the age that kids start to work it out (though the young end) but you didn't need to blurt it out did you?

TurnUpTurnip · 16/10/2021 21:51

My kids figured out ages ago he wasn’t real, at 5 and 7 however I’ve never really confirmed it but I wouldn’t tell them he was/wasnt I just say it’s up to you what you believe

Mistressofnone · 16/10/2021 21:58

He doesn't exist?

PlanDeRaccordement · 16/10/2021 22:01

Well, the lie was going to bite you back eventually. At least you were honest and did not keep on lying to her about Santa. So YANBU to admit the truth to her.

IsItTooEarlyforPies · 16/10/2021 22:10

“ He doesn't exist? “.

There is always one on threads like this

OP my 8 year old recently asked if Santa was real and she asked me to tell her the truth. I was really disappointed as I feel it’s rather early for her to know but what else could I do? She would have been very annoyed to later find out I had lied to her (even more by insisting he exists ) .

I’m still feeling disappointed now but I’m trying to convince myself that she has gained the realisation that I’ll always be honest with her.

ItsMeAgainAndIHaventChanged · 16/10/2021 22:11

Well, better today than Christmas Day.
It’s weird how protected children are these days.
If you find out when you’re four like me, it’s not a big deal because Christmas isn’t such a fixed routine.

Hankunamatata · 16/10/2021 22:13

OP that's something I would do first thing in the morning as I'm not a morning person .

IsItTooEarlyforPies · 16/10/2021 22:14

OTOH her cousin aged nearly 10 asked my SIL if Santa was real and SIL insisted he was and she must believe or he won’t deliver presents.

DN had asked as children in her class are saying Santa isn’t real. I cringed as DN then went in to school and insisted he IS real, I think she will probably feel silly when she finds out .

When does Santa become more for the parents’ benefit than the child ? Yes it’s fun and disappointing when it ends , but if your child is asking, it seems unfair to carry it on for your sake.

Shouldbedoing · 16/10/2021 22:14

Time to.let her in on the real secret which is that the grown ups make the magic for the little ones and she is now grown up to make the magic too.

Hankunamatata · 16/10/2021 22:14

Luckily Santa is a glorified delivery driver in our house as kids were told that we send Santa money and he delivers and it was only ever one santa present, everything else was from family. We did this as kids got really upset about those adverts where kids dont get anything at Christmas and doing shoe box appeal at school

Jangle33 · 16/10/2021 22:20

I’m interested at the posters that think 9 is young.

What is a more average/acceptable age then?

Mistressofnone · 16/10/2021 22:21

@IsItTooEarlyforPies sorry 😄

OP I think you did the right thing as she asked you outright and you answered honestly. I think a double-whammy will be easier in the long run and she will remember that if she asks you a question you will be honest.

Christmas is still magical even without Santa. I feel bad that my parents forked out so much, for a mythical man to get all the credit!

IsItTooEarlyforPies · 16/10/2021 22:27

@Jangle33 I think 9 is in the older range personally. I am surprised to read on here of 10 and 11 year olds still believing. Kids are brutal and once one child blurts it to the class, the cat is out the bag .

toconclude · 16/10/2021 22:31

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Why did you do that? I mean I guess she's the age that kids start to work it out (though the young end) but you didn't need to blurt it out did you?

At 9? Really? I find it unbelievable that this is a serious comment. Most 5 year olds have figured it out, if only because they talk to each other But then, I didn't bring mine up to believe fairy tales were real in the first place, and they seem to have survived the experience quite happily.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 22:34

Jesus, people acting like knowing Santa is real is gonna give a 9yo PTSD is ridiculous and hilarious in equal measure.

She'll be fine. 9yo's can be drama llamas - trust me, I have one!

I think it's waaaaay weirder when people let their kids go to secondary school still believing.

My 9yo I think figured it out last year. She threw the odd comment in to conversation about Santa not being real and I just never corrected her. Then again she was born a cynic like her mother

DeepaBeesKit · 16/10/2021 22:35

I always thought the whole point was that you never really deny the existence of Santa. As kids get older and question you just say "you can make your own mind up what you believe" and they figure it out for themselves?!

By the end of junior school I doubt many NT children haven't figured out that one old guy in a red suit does not deliver presents to 2 billion kids globally, in the space of one night, on a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer.

fiveminutebreak · 16/10/2021 22:40

My 7 year old DD was told by an older friend that he doesn't exist....she then asked me to tell her the truth, so I did. She was v upset, and I was a bit sad that she'd found out so young but actually it's fine. I've told her that we can still enjoy the story of Santa and pretend he visits if we want but she also knows the real meaning of Christmas so it's not a huge loss in some ways..

IsItTooEarlyforPies · 16/10/2021 22:42

@DeepaBeesKit my dd needed to be told specifically whether he is real or not. Telling her she can believe what she wants would not work as she struggles to comprehend unless she has been told specifically.

Runningforcakes · 16/10/2021 22:43

I was going to break it to mine gently fairly soon as I can tell he’s uncomfortable with half knowing /half not wanting to.
I’m going to ask if he wants to take turns to ‘do the elf’ and hopefully that will lead into the conversation of what’s real and what’s not and show him how much fun it can be on the other side!

DysmalRadius · 16/10/2021 22:43

YANBU for being honest, but I think the bluntness was probably a bit much for her to handle.

ItsMeAgainAndIHaventChanged · 16/10/2021 22:44

My best friend had to be reassured that he wasn’t real when she was three or four because she found the idea of a man coming into her room in the night so upsetting.

Yahyahs22 · 16/10/2021 22:48

I always find this is funny subject. So many people I know personally have issues with parents raising their children to believe in God. But find it perfectly acceptable to lie and say santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc are real. To them, God is very real and they're telling the 'truth' to their kids. To the others, they know full well their lying to their kids but do it anyway, mostly used as a weapon to get the child to behave.
I personally have no issue with how people chose to raise their children as long as there's no child abuse involved. I just always find the hypocrisy quite amusing.

BananaPB · 16/10/2021 22:48

I think 9 is on the old end tbh. Mine were 5/6 when they worked it out and were absolutely fine about pretending for others. They liked being in on an adult secret and were happy to play along for those who believed. Christmas is no less magical just because a child knows the truth.

BananaPB · 16/10/2021 22:49

Better today than Christmas Eve - that would have been a shocker

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