Telling 9yo DC that santa doesn't exist

[Jessica60]

My recently turned 9 year old figured out the tooth fairy doesn't exist this morning as I forgot to put money and remove tooth.
She then said "does Santa even exist"
It was first thing in the morning, really early and I just replied "no he doesn't " I did this as I thought she had already worked it out and didn't want to lie. She then had a full on meltdown and couldn't believe he wasn't real. I then explained the story of the real saint nic but she has been upset all day.
Was I unreasonable telling her at this age?
If I had time to think i would have probably come with a good excuse.

Obviously I'm not referring to households who don't celebrate Christmas there

Who would have thought Santa would caused such a riot

The OPs child is 9 . NINE . If she asked, she knows. If she was 4 or even 7 then I could agree it’s a shame , but after around 8 years old , if you’re lying to your DC after they’ve asked you , then that’s more for your benefit and is bordering on ridiculing them. Kids are cruel!

@ItsMeAgainAndIHaventChanged

How do you all manage the other Christmas mystery? I mean all the fuss about a single mother?

Ah now there is a great opportunity to talk about sex inequality 2000 years ago and how nothing much has changed

Am amazed kids can reach nine still thinking Santa exists.

I'm so glad the is santa real talk never had to happen with my dc, now almost 16 and 14. We just never spoke about it. We all just went along with santa is real, even now santa still brings all the gifts. My dd14 kinda laughs and does a little eye roll, when I talk about santa, but none of us have ever uttered the words 'santa is not real'. (Obviously they know he is not, but there was not traumatic reveal)

It was the same for me when i was growing up as well. I do think some parents put to much pressure on themselves to explain the whole santa thing.

I told my DD when she was about that age. She came home from school saying kids had been teasing her about believing and said “I don’t mind them teasing me if I’m right but if I’m wrong and he doesn’t exist please tell me”. So I did- what else could I do?

We immediately reverted to pretending he’s real, just with her in on the secret.

6 was the last time I believed in Santa.

I remember the next year when I thought about santa and my mind put it together ... it isn't real.

9 is very old to believe in anything like that

@sTRUTHiomimus

This is such a sad thread. My children all believe in Santa and they are 16, 18 and 22.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

@BananaPB

Obviously I'm not referring to households who don't celebrate Christmas there

Sorry - should have clarified the same. I mean children in cultures that do celebrate Christmas

My DD twigged at 6 because she knows magic isn't real and God doesn't exist. She realised Santa needed magic for it to make sense and stopped believing. She wasn't bothered at all as his non-existence fits better with her general understanding of reality.

So children in 'cultures that at do believe in Christmas' who know Santa isn't real have their innocence snatched but children - presumably, Muslim, Jehovah's etc - are still innocent

For clarification

I said:

Fucking hell. Save your sympathy for those children who don't get presents or a proper Christmas. Finding out Santa isn't real doesn't actually compare.

Which was referring to children who live in a family or culture that celebrates Christmas and that are poor or abused or having to live in shit situations. As opposed to Christmas 'being ruined' because a child works out about Santa.

@YourFinestPantaloons

So children in 'cultures that at do believe in Christmas' who know Santa isn't real have their innocence snatched but children - presumably, Muslim, Jehovah's etc - are still innocent

I would have thought that they know he's not real from the beginning because they might ask their parents about it and need them to explain that their household don't celebrate it.

I still remember the revulsion I felt when i was five or six and a little boy in my class said “yes, Mrs Thomas I believe in the tooth fairy”.
I wish I’d asked him if he really believed or was just sucking up ( a concept that seems to have disappeared in my lifetime).

I did explain the saint nic story and the magic continues after she calmed down and that she is part of the secret to make it special for others. This after initially confirming to her that he doesn't exist.

There is a point where innocent Christmas magic tips into being clueless and deluded

when i figured out that Santa doesn't exist, i started being disappointed with presents. Because parents knew better (that i wanted toys, not clothes)
It's kinda sad when magic goes away.

Had the conversation with Ds today. Bless him, he said he knew-he’d seen something on YouTube last year and was sad and wished he could go back to believing again but was generally fine about it.

He also said he felt bad that we’d spent so much on presents for him over the years now that he knew they hadn’t all come from Santa! (I assured him we’d never spent more than we wanted to!)

Son is 9 and I confirmed lack of Santa existence this year. He's autistic and I was receiving a forensic level of questioning around logistics. In fact have done for a few years which I've managed to answer vaguely - however this year he was planning on staying up all night to prove Santa isn't real. As his sleep is terrible anyway and I recognise the steely glint of fixation that would result in an all nighter- I confirmed his suspicions as indeed correct.
This seems preferable to a friend who's Y6 son discovered there was no Santa on Christmas Eve as she left the presents. He was really upset and in tears about it.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Why did you do that? I mean I guess she's the age that kids start to work it out (though the young end) but you didn't need to blurt it out did you?

The young end?? My entire family figured it out by 6🤨

@Itsnotdeep

My 9 yo still believes. I am not planning on telling her otherwise yet - I suspect she'll find out at school at some stage, but she isn't unusual in her class I don't think (year 5).

No she doesn't.

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

I find it hard to believe a 9 year old still believes in Father Christmas i think most stop at about 5 but pretend to parents in fear the gifts will stop.

Actually I think that a lot keep it up for old time's sake, sticking to the routines and traditions you grew up with. It's why you should never start a Christmas tradition you're not prepared to continue for at least 25 years (that means 600 unique Elf poses, you have been warned).

Often it’s the kids humouring they parents!

I wouldn't tell an outright lie in response to a direct question. I would however filibuster to let them down gently. Given the discovery about the tooth fairy, OP, you really ought to have expected this question to come next. I'd ask questions back. "What do you think?", "what makes you think that?", and give vague answers which are in the spirit of neither confirming nor denying. If really pressed, then I'd move onto discussing myths and legends, and how they have a basis in fact, by relating the tale of St Nicholas of Myra and how we maintain the tradition.

Dd2 aged 8 told me she knew Santa wasn't real but she carried on pretending for dd1 who was 11 before in the midst of a catty fight Dd2 told dd1 Santa wasn't real and she didn't believe her!