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Original poster

Telling 9yo DC that santa doesn't exist

224 replies

Jessica60 · 16/10/2021 21:43

My recently turned 9 year old figured out the tooth fairy doesn't exist this morning as I forgot to put money and remove tooth.
She then said "does Santa even exist"
It was first thing in the morning, really early and I just replied "no he doesn't " I did this as I thought she had already worked it out and didn't want to lie. She then had a full on meltdown and couldn't believe he wasn't real. I then explained the story of the real saint nic but she has been upset all day.
Was I unreasonable telling her at this age?
If I had time to think i would have probably come with a good excuse.

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 16/10/2021 22:50

I find it hard to believe a 9 year old still believes in Father Christmas i think most stop at about 5 but pretend to parents in fear the gifts will stop.

Mmmmdanone · 16/10/2021 22:53

Exactly this happened with my dd at about the same age. I was distraught as I thought she was ready for it but clearly wasn't. It all worked out fine but did make me question the whole Santa thing! Glad to say her younger brother never seemed fully in on the whole thing. Although I now wonder if part of the magic of Christmas passed him by! It's quite a dilemma. I don't believe anyone is scarred for life though. I remember believing and it was lovely!

Whstdoyouthink · 16/10/2021 22:56

You think a 5 year old has worked it out. Crikey me, where is the innocence in children now. Let’s send them back down the cold mines again.

TammyTwoSwanson · 16/10/2021 22:58

Yabu for just blurting it out like it's no big deal. I was about 8 when my mum did similar and I felt so betrayed and stupid.

BananaPB · 16/10/2021 22:59

@Whstdoyouthink

You think a 5 year old has worked it out. Crikey me, where is the innocence in children now. Let’s send them back down the cold mines again.
Mine worked it out at 5/6. Dc3 told me that if Father Christmas was real, we wouldn't need children's charities as kids in poor households would get loads of presents at Christmas while kids in rich households would get one or two if they were good because they didn't need as much stuff.
YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 23:01

@Whstdoyouthink

You think a 5 year old has worked it out. Crikey me, where is the innocence in children now. Let’s send them back down the cold mines again.
Because there's no in between - kids either believe in Santa or get sent down the mines 😂
TurnUpTurnip · 16/10/2021 23:02

Mine knew at 5 because he asked for a magic wand and didn’t get one so decided he’s not real then!

jetadore · 16/10/2021 23:03

The ease with which young children believe in Santa explains the enduring popularity of religion for me. In this case surely she’d have found out for herself soon enough (prob from school) so I wouldn’t worry too much.

ShepherdMoons · 16/10/2021 23:03

I was told age 7 that Santa didn’t exist by friends at school. I remember being devastated. I asked my mum and she basically told me the truth.

Would I have preferred her to keep up the magic/lie? Yes! My dd is 8 and still believes, if she asks if he’s real I’m going to say I don’t know and leave it at that.

HamCob · 16/10/2021 23:05

DS is 9 and said to me the other week that some children at school don't believe Santa is real and he wasn't sure. Said similar last year and I'm surprised he hasn't just come out & said he doesn't think he's real!
I said 'well what do you believe?' and he said he thinks he definitely is 😳 I said something deliberately vague along the lines of yes, well the magic of Christmas is definitely real and that's what he represents

We've never gone down the route of Santa bringing all the presents. He just fills the stocking and family buy the big stuff. Also the Santa's that are in grottos etc aren't the actual Santa, just helpers as he can't be everywhere at once. He does sometimes make guest appearances though.

I'm guessing the end is pretty much nigh for us, it's really sad. Got a few more years with DS2 who is 6 hopefully

purpleme12 · 16/10/2021 23:07

@ShepherdMoons

I was told age 7 that Santa didn’t exist by friends at school. I remember being devastated. I asked my mum and she basically told me the truth.

Would I have preferred her to keep up the magic/lie? Yes! My dd is 8 and still believes, if she asks if he’s real I’m going to say I don’t know and leave it at that.

Yes I think when mine ask I'm going to say I still believe and play the innocent If they truly don't believe then hey ho not much you can do She's 8 but a couple of years did say that at least one person, possibly two said he wasn't real. But she said she thinks they were lying and he was real. Thank God
sTRUTHiomimus · 16/10/2021 23:07

This is such a sad thread. My children all believe in Santa and they are 16, 18 and 22.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 23:08

@sTRUTHiomimus

This is such a sad thread. My children all believe in Santa and they are 16, 18 and 22.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lockdownbear · 16/10/2021 23:08

I think 7, 8, 9 are probably the ages most kids find out. Either questioning it or finding out from friends.

They'll be the odd 5/6 year old who figures it out, and equally the odd 10/11 year old who needs told before secondary.

purpleme12 · 16/10/2021 23:08

@sTRUTHiomimus

This is such a sad thread. My children all believe in Santa and they are 16, 18 and 22.
🤣 this did make me laugh
Middersweekly · 16/10/2021 23:08

I think most DC figure it out by 8/9. My DD was 8 when she walked past 2 Santa’s grottos with 2 separate men dressed as “Santa” on the same street. She was 8 at the time. She didn’t say anything at the time though then last year when she was 9 she started getting sarcastic and laughing when I mentioned Santa. She then confessed that she no longer believed in Santa and told me about how she figured it out the year prior. So I dropped the charade and told her not to mention it to any DC in her class who still believed. Your DC will get over it don’t worry. Sometimes I think the DC have worked it out a long time before parents want to give up the pretense. I know someone who honestly believed her 12yr old still believed…looool!

Whstdoyouthink · 16/10/2021 23:09

This truly is the saddest thread I’ve ever read.

Santa is real

Spongeboob · 16/10/2021 23:09

You fucked up by forgetting, then made it ten times worse with the Santa thing. They only get to be little for such a short amount of time. Yours was at the higher end of still believing. This is on you.
My 9 year old asked me for the truth about Santa last year. I was honest but also gutted that she asked. There's no reason to snatch innocence out from under them because you've fucked up. You were lucky she believed this long.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 23:11

Good grief!!

"You've fucked up"

"Snatching innocence"

Aside from some of you being tremendous drama llamas, of all the things we can fuck up on, telling the truth to kids really isn't one. Also, this may shock you, but children can still retain innocence and not believe in Santa.

Bitofachinwag · 16/10/2021 23:14

@Yahyahs22

I always find this is funny subject. So many people I know personally have issues with parents raising their children to believe in God. But find it perfectly acceptable to lie and say santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc are real. To them, God is very real and they're telling the 'truth' to their kids. To the others, they know full well their lying to their kids but do it anyway, mostly used as a weapon to get the child to behave. I personally have no issue with how people chose to raise their children as long as there's no child abuse involved. I just always find the hypocrisy quite amusing.
Yes I agree with you.
orangeautumnleaves · 16/10/2021 23:15

Well you told her the truth. I have always said that when my daughter asks I will be honest with her. She asked at 6. Wasn't expecting it so young, but I told her the truth but equally the story is still nice ( well apart from only good kids get a visit from Santa). But she goes along with it for her younger brother, hopefully keeps that up this Xmas!

Marvellousmadness · 16/10/2021 23:16

It is a miracle she even made it to 9 and still be a believer. You did the right thing by telling her :) though must have been just a bit disappointing to learn that both the toothfairy and santa aren't real, and finding that out in the same day. Shell be ok. Soon you'll be laughing about this

Flowersinthefireplace · 16/10/2021 23:17

I’d feel very weird continuing to lie to a 9 year old that Santa existed. But also surely they should have worked it out by now?! Around 6 is a normal age…

Flowersinthefireplace · 16/10/2021 23:17

They’re probably more upset that their parents have lied to them for years

PlanDeRaccordement · 16/10/2021 23:30

@Flowersinthefireplace

They’re probably more upset that their parents have lied to them for years
That’s my thought. We never lied to our DC about Santa, or other figures like Easter bunny, tooth fairy. They were still innocent and had great enjoyment of childhood.