Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling 9yo DC that santa doesn't exist

224 replies

Jessica60 · 16/10/2021 21:43

My recently turned 9 year old figured out the tooth fairy doesn't exist this morning as I forgot to put money and remove tooth.
She then said "does Santa even exist"
It was first thing in the morning, really early and I just replied "no he doesn't " I did this as I thought she had already worked it out and didn't want to lie. She then had a full on meltdown and couldn't believe he wasn't real. I then explained the story of the real saint nic but she has been upset all day.
Was I unreasonable telling her at this age?
If I had time to think i would have probably come with a good excuse.

OP posts:
Skysblue · 17/10/2021 23:39

Yabu to tell her they were real in the first place.

choli · 18/10/2021 01:50

It's sad when kids have to pretend - sometimes for years- to believe in a lie to make their parents happy.

Fetarabbit · 18/10/2021 01:53

@PlanDeRaccordement

Well, the lie was going to bite you back eventually. At least you were honest and did not keep on lying to her about Santa. So YANBU to admit the truth to her.
Does it 'bite back'? In real life i have never met anyone who has been annoyed or upset about finding out their parents have lied to them about santa. Some were upset when they found out he doesn't exist, but not at adults.
Explosivefarts · 18/10/2021 02:28

@choli

It's sad when kids have to pretend - sometimes for years- to believe in a lie to make their parents happy.
Yep my 10 year old niece is petrified to tell her parents she knows he isn’t real. As she was told if you don’t believe you won’t receive . It’s so cruel . It’s all for the parents benefit after they start questioning .
Topseyt · 18/10/2021 02:52

I always find it very amusing to see the knots people tie themselves up in over this.

It isn't a conversation I ever bothered to instigate with my three. They just worked it out for themselves, and long before they went to secondary school. Long before they were 9 too.

My youngest is now 19 and the older two are in their twenties. They are certainly not traumatised for life because of having realised that Santa was not real and was a childhood fantasy.

Explosivefarts · 18/10/2021 05:09

I think elf on the shelf etc just makes it all so much unbelievable to kids and they see through it faster .

YourFinestPantaloons · 18/10/2021 07:17

I've always touted Elf on the Shelf as something fun for them to wake up to in December rather than a real elf spying o them (how creepy!). They do comment that the closer to Christmas we get the lazier "the elf" gets Grin

Clocktopus · 18/10/2021 07:44

I fucking hate the elf but the kids love it. Ours doesn't spy on them, he just sits under the Christmas tree and randomly (when I remember) does non-mean pranks like putting food colouring in the milk or hanging the clean laundry on the Christmas tree.

Amymamabear89 · 18/10/2021 07:45

I only recently told my lad- but that’s because a) he was going to secondary school and didn’t want that to blow up and b) he had been questioning for a little while. I think pretty much knew as he wasn’t upset. When he asked if he was real I said what do you believe, he would tell me and I would say well then. That’s the most important thing. The. When it was ‘time’ i said that there was someone a long time ago that was well a Santa and people loved caring and giving and the love so much they all wanted to become/help Santa. That’s why mums and dads do it and he gets to be a Santa this year for his new sister.
And he would still get presents lol
X

Cofifeefee · 18/10/2021 08:19

Is there any topic that creates such strife on MN?

On one side, you have posters that believe it's the tragic end of innocence.

On the other, there are posters that insist they know that the children of other posters that they've never met are just humouring their parents by pretending to believe.

If the worst thing that happens to a child is that they never do Santa Claus or that they find out he's not real after a few years of believing, they'll be ok.

Luckytattie · 18/10/2021 08:21

Most 5 year olds have figured it out, if only because they talk to each other

No, most five year olds haven't figured it out.

Sidehustle99 · 18/10/2021 08:45

There's always one AH in every class with woke parents that ruin it for the rest. But 5 is just so so young Sad what a shame.

ItsMeAgainAndIHaventChanged · 18/10/2021 08:53

Well you can call it woke, but my parents are in their eighties and can’t really credit that anyone can believe for very long after starting school. Children are much less independent than they were. It’s a modern thing to infantilise them for so long.

Luckytattie · 18/10/2021 09:06

Well if your parents go to some level of effort (and I wouldn't say lots is needed to make the "magic" seem real) then it's really very easy.

Maybe your parents just couldn't be arsed.

Sidehustle99 · 18/10/2021 09:10

And that's fine but why ruin it for everyone else? I don't think your DP age has got anything to do with it. My DC are just as resilient and independent as I was more than a few decades ago.

Luckytattie · 18/10/2021 09:19

Who are you talking to?!

Luckytattie · 18/10/2021 09:19

Oh I see now

reluctantbrit · 18/10/2021 09:37

It would be a lot easier if parents wouldn't make such a big thing about Santa.

Don't understand me wrong, he is a well known figure in our house, DD loved going to see him in December and writing a letter to him. She painstakingly asked what kind of treats he likes.

But he was never the magical being responsible for all the gifts and she never had to behave in order to get gifts. He brought some gifts and a stocking. That's all. No spying elves, no Santa-Cam or other ideas. She figuresd out herself that the Santa at the school or shopping mall was a helper.

Nothing of this means December is not a lovely time for us and Christmas itself can be as magically as you make it. DD is 14 and still writes a list, gets presents in two different wrappings and puts a treat and drink out. 5 years of knowing the truth has not changed that and it also hasn't destroyed any love for the time of year.

Luckytattie · 18/10/2021 09:38

She painstakingly asked what kind of treats he likes.

Painstakingly? Really?

It's a cookie and a glass of milk. Hth.

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 18/10/2021 09:40

This thread is so dramatic 😂😂

If they’re not scarred for life at the loss of their innocence and childhood magic, then they’re scarred for life because their parents dared tell them a lie about magic 😂😂

Mine know he doesn’t exist, we all just play along in a very tongue in cheek fashion.

I just don’t think it’s that deep either way

ItsMeAgainAndIHaventChanged · 18/10/2021 09:56

@Sidehustle99
“I don't think your DP age has got anything to do with it”
Well, I suppose you can have woke octogenarians, but it does rather lose its meaning if you just use the word to describe anything you don’t like.
Of course I’m generalising madly about infantilising children being a modern thing, but I do think the average age of disbelief has crept up for a while.

Goldbar · 18/10/2021 10:01

It's not so much the telling the 9yo, but it's the way you did it. You sort of killed the magic stone dead.

I don't remember when I twigged Santa wasn't real (probably around 6/7), but I'm grateful my parents never confirmed/denied it. So even though I didn't really believe, I sort of semi-believed now and then for a couple more years and it became this fun make-believe conspiracy at home that we all kept up together. A bit like fairies at the bottom of the garden and that sort of thing.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/10/2021 10:08

@Luckytattie

She painstakingly asked what kind of treats he likes.

Painstakingly? Really?

It's a cookie and a glass of milk. Hth.

Maybe in America, but def. not in the U.K.!

Who the hell wants a glass of cold milk on a freezing cold midwinter night? He expects at least a mince pie, and a nice warming tot of whisky, brandy or sherry.

I wouldn’t blame him for boycotting houses that only offer miserable milk and cookies. 🎅🏻🎄

Sidehustle99 · 18/10/2021 10:12

Sidehustle99
“I don't think your DP age has got anything to do with it”
Well, I suppose you can have woke octogenarians, but it does rather lose its meaning if you just use the word to describe anything you don’t like.
Of course I’m generalising madly about infantilising children being a modern thing, but I do think the average age of disbelief has crept up for a while.

Being 'woke' is not restricted by age. It's use dates back to the 1940's. And I agree using it to describe anything I don't like would rather make it lose its meaning. So I don't. In this case my use is accurate.

I think it's fine to believe what you do or don't in your own home. I just think is a shame when some obnoxious DC feels duty bound to share the truth with the rest of their class.

I mean if you feel that strongly about it why celebrate Christmas at all?

I do think the recent invention of Elf on the shelf and Santa Cams are way over the top. Christmas is enough work without that nonsense, but I wouldn't tell other people what's right for them.

DdraigGoch · 18/10/2021 10:16

@Luckytattie

She painstakingly asked what kind of treats he likes.

Painstakingly? Really?

It's a cookie and a glass of milk. Hth.

You speak for yourself. Whisky, please!
Swipe left for the next trending thread