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Original poster

Telling 9yo DC that santa doesn't exist

224 replies

Jessica60 · 16/10/2021 21:43

My recently turned 9 year old figured out the tooth fairy doesn't exist this morning as I forgot to put money and remove tooth.
She then said "does Santa even exist"
It was first thing in the morning, really early and I just replied "no he doesn't " I did this as I thought she had already worked it out and didn't want to lie. She then had a full on meltdown and couldn't believe he wasn't real. I then explained the story of the real saint nic but she has been upset all day.
Was I unreasonable telling her at this age?
If I had time to think i would have probably come with a good excuse.

OP posts:
AliceMcK · 16/10/2021 23:48

I would have covered my mistake, pretended the money had fallen, which I’ve done before or made an elaborate lie about something must have held the tooth fairy up and then faked a note saying she’d been so busy or sick.

It was pretty mean saying Santa dosnt exist just because your screwed up on the tooth fairy.

I would be doing lots of grovelling to make Christmas up to her. But that’s me.

SallyWebsterr · 16/10/2021 23:49

Im another who has never confirmed. My teenagers obviously know but I have always just said people who don't believe don't get presents. They stopped writing letters around age 10 but still give me a list and I don't mention ordering anything, it just turns up on Christmas day.

womaninatightspot · 16/10/2021 23:51

I'd agree 9 is on the old end. Normally the Santa isn't real goes round school age 5-6 as older siblings tell younger.

YourFinestPantaloons · 16/10/2021 23:51

but I have always just said people who don't believe don't get presents.

What a shitty thing to say - so when they feel they no longer believe they're gonna worry the presents won't come.

stayathomer · 16/10/2021 23:58

I think 9 or 10 is normal for finding out, can't believe 5 to 6 is normal for some but obviously it is. I just think it's always better earlier in the year as the slight bitterness or whatever you'd call it would still be fresh!

Ionlydomassiveones · 17/10/2021 00:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Clocktopus · 17/10/2021 00:09

Luckily Santa is a glorified delivery driver in our house as kids were told that we send Santa money and he delivers and it was only ever one santa present, everything else was from family. We did this as kids got really upset about those adverts where kids dont get anything at Christmas and doing shoe box appeal at school

This is how we do Santa too.

We buy the gifts and we send them to Santa for safekeeping, he brings them back on Christmas Eve. That way they know not to ask for anything ridiculous like a pony or a flying car, they know to thank the relevant gift-giver, and they know that this is why some people get lots of gifts and others don't get as many (or any).

My eldest two DC asked me at around age 8 or 9 whether he was real and I asked what they thought. One DC said they thought he was real so I said well that's good and he'll be here in a few weeks (or words to that effect). A couple of weeks after Christmas they asked again and I asked the same question, this time they said that they thought he wasn't so I sat down and explained it. The other DC when I asked what they thought straight away said he's not real so I sat and explained it. Both were fine with it, I explained that it's a bit of fun to help make Christmas magical for little ones and that now they know about it they can help.

scarpa · 17/10/2021 00:21

People are so weird about Father Christmas/Santa!

9 is plenty old enough to know the truth (but I'm biased because we never did Santa in our house and I always thought it was a bit silly so I imagine other parents hated us for being smug know it alls ruining Christmas for their kids).

Maybe your delivery wasn't ideal but you can spin it as her being a big girl now and being old enough to help keep the magic going for younger ones or whatever.

HiJenny35 · 17/10/2021 00:25

How odd, daughter is 9 year olds and at least 50% of her class still very much believe. My class year 5 so 10 year olds at least 1/3 of the class still believe and we are London so hardly sheltered. They've all been talking about doing santa lists and what they want santa to bring already. Yes couple of pupils every year say he doesn't exist and all the ones that do just think they are talking rubbish and carry on regardless. Most of them still talk about the tooth fairy and unicorns too. It lovely. No idea why you are all so keen on making them grow up so quickly.

Flowersinthefireplace · 17/10/2021 00:38

@HiJenny35 have you done a class survey?! How would you know that?! My 6 year old doesn’t believe but she would never tell others in her class as she knows it’s not kind

foxgoosefinch · 17/10/2021 00:41

I assumed 8 y o DD had figured it out last year, but she woke up to us at 3am putting the stocking back, and was so upset she was really shaking and crying and terribly distressed. I had to come up with something like Santa can’t come in because of Covid this year so he’s given us the presents, as I really couldn’t bear to ruin her Christmas right on the day itself.

I hadn’t expected her to be quite so upset. I figured it out around 8 but had younger siblings so kept quiet about knowing! Not really sure if she does still believe now; I’d kind of like to sit her down in advance and properly tell her. Her reaction made me sad we’d ever gone along with the whole thing in the first place to be honest.

Flowersinthefireplace · 17/10/2021 00:41

Realising Santa doesn’t exist doesn’t equate to a parent trying to make their child grow up too quickly. I mean it’s fact. And children who are encouraged to question and investigate their world and thoughts are likely to come to the conclusion Santa doesn’t exist far before 10 years old!!!

ballsdeep · 17/10/2021 00:42

Op why did you do that?!?!
No wonder she's upset.

Flowersinthefireplace · 17/10/2021 00:45

Jeez. Why oh flipping why is this even a thing? What’s with the earnest need to sit children down and tell them some dramatic truth about something that’s essentially a bit of a fairy tale. Do you need to do that with Shrek? Or that Woody and Buzz Lightyear aren’t actually real?

Your analogy makes no sense. No-one ever pretended Shrek etc are real. Yet parents go out of their way to pretend to their kids that Santa is real way beyond when they should . Then feign astonishment when their children are shocked and distressed that their parents have lied to them about such a big thing.

JaninaDuszejko · 17/10/2021 00:45

DS (9) wouldn't go to bed on Christmas Eve last year so I said 'go to bed or Santa won't come' and he looked straight at me and said 'Mummy, I'm looking at Santa right now'. I just chuckled and said 'if you're not sure tonight might be a good night to believe' He's our youngest child and was open about not believing younger than his older siblings. The eldest was closer to 10 before she said anything. Figuring it out is cool though, we tried to keep Santa low key but they are surrounded by it when they are little, but all were quite pleased with themselves when they worked it out.

Clocktopus · 17/10/2021 01:39

9-10 is fairly standard here for working it out. We have a three tier school system so when they go to middle school in year 5 (age 9) you can guarantee they'll hear it from the year 7s & 8s once Christmas approaches, that's when they come home and ask if Santa is real.

Pesimistic · 17/10/2021 02:25

If they ask its only fair to tell them, they wouldn't have asked the question in the first place if they hadn't worked it out slightly for them selves

choli · 17/10/2021 02:29

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Why did you do that? I mean I guess she's the age that kids start to work it out (though the young end) but you didn't need to blurt it out did you?
The young end? At 9?
Springplanting · 17/10/2021 02:33

well the donkey horse has well and truly bolted. yes it was harsh she lost the tooth fairy and santa in one day. i would have said ''well what do you think about it?'' a way of letting her figure it out without the cold hard reveal.

FindingMeno · 17/10/2021 03:07

I have chosen never to confirm or deny his existence.
We all pretend to believe and its fun!

Zfactorstar · 17/10/2021 04:03

From my experience of working with kids of all age groups including littles the parents that scream about not having kids grow up to fast are also the ones that don't want them to grow up at all.

Explosivefarts · 17/10/2021 04:03

If she is asking at 9 she is old enough to know the truth. Mine were a similar age .

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/10/2021 05:57

Yes the young end. Kids tend to work it out by themselves between 9-11.

Soubriquet · 17/10/2021 06:01

My 6 year old told me that Santa doesn’t exist. I didn’t deny or confirm either way but I accept this year that he won’t believe

AnkleDeep · 17/10/2021 06:05

Most DCs find out in the playground around the age of seven. Her friends must surely have said something if she told them she still believed.

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