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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my house guest is rather rude?

359 replies

dizzyrabbit · 25/07/2021 09:47

We went for a pub lunch yesterday which I ended up paying for. The bill came and he didn’t even bother to look at it. I paid it with my card expecting him to give me some cash towards it but nothing. Then we ordered a takeaway for dinner which we also ended up paying for. He didn’t even offer to contribute. He’s came a long way to visit but I can’t help but feel like it’s taking the mick. I want to say something but don’t know what. I’m too nice for my own good. Vent over.

OP posts:
Drivingmeupthewall · 25/07/2021 09:49

Who is he? Why is he there? Has he always been like it? How long is he staying for?

You’re going to have to find your voice if you want him to change his behaviour.

Original poster
dizzyrabbit · 25/07/2021 09:53

Just a friend who’s come up to visit us for the weekend. Staying just two nights. He’s always been abit weird with money but I can’t remember him doing this before.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 25/07/2021 09:54

How long is he staying?

If it was me I’d just suck it up and never invite him again.

grapewine · 25/07/2021 09:55

Has he spent a lot of money travelling to see you? I would have offered though.

Justmuddlingalong · 25/07/2021 09:55

If he's staying again tonight say something before going out. Refuse his visits in future. Grabby bastard.

AuntieDolly · 25/07/2021 09:55

Are you going out again today? Tell him it's his turn to pay. Or ask him if he needs your bank details to ping you the money for yesterday.

hashbrownsandwich · 25/07/2021 09:55

Suck it up unfortunately and just remember to mention if he comes again that it was expensive last time blah blah blah.

ShadowInVain · 25/07/2021 09:56

Hmm, if he's your guest, it's really for you as the host to provide his meals.

Original poster
dizzyrabbit · 25/07/2021 09:57

I did think about offering to pay for it but I don’t like that it’s just assumed that I would. I would prefer him to offer to pay his share then I would have said not to worry and that it’s on me. That’s the way it should work in my head lol

OP posts:
HavfrueDenizKisi · 25/07/2021 09:57

He should have offered to pay for at least one.

Me, I'd not have him back.

girlmom21 · 25/07/2021 09:58

Stop paying for food out if you're not happy to keep footing the bill...

Or if he's a good friend ask him if he forgot to bring his wallet on the trip 🤷‍♀️

bert3400 · 25/07/2021 09:58

I would expect him to contribute towards his meals, especially at a pub . CF

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/07/2021 09:58

When we rarely stay with people, we always take them out for dinner.
In the end though, I suppose it depends how important he is to you. If he’s a valued friend, I’d let it go.

KeyErro · 25/07/2021 09:58

YABU for not saying anything. "Dave, yours is a tenner, are you paying by cash or card"

But YANBU, he's being a cf, staying at someone's house doesn't mean they cover all your expenses.

bonfireheart · 25/07/2021 09:58

Well if you don't want to pay and he has form for this then stay at home and make him a sandwich.

WomanStanleyWoman · 25/07/2021 10:01

Is he staying again tonight? (I know you said he was staying for two nights, but I wasn’t sure if he’d already been there that long.) If so, avoid mentioning food today if you can. Don’t suggest any plans - leave it to him to make the move. It might make him realise another freebie is not forthcoming.

Original poster
dizzyrabbit · 25/07/2021 10:04

Yeah. He’s staying tonight and he wants to go to the cinema… I’m thinking this is going to get expensive.

OP posts:
MolyHolyGuacamole · 25/07/2021 10:04

I think you should have all split the bill at the pub, but sorry it's on you as a host to provide meals at home. If you'd been shopping and cooked dinner, would you have expected a share in the grocery bill? How you choose to provide meals in your home is up to you.

When I stay with people I always offer to pay for a takeaway as a 'thank you' for hosting, but i don't think it's cheeky for him to not offer to pay his share for a meal provided at your home.

Drivingmeupthewall · 25/07/2021 10:05

Ask him to book the tickets online and say you’ll give him the money for your tickets.

Original poster
dizzyrabbit · 25/07/2021 10:06

@MolyHolyGuacamole

I think you should have all split the bill at the pub, but sorry it's on you as a host to provide meals at home. If you'd been shopping and cooked dinner, would you have expected a share in the grocery bill? How you choose to provide meals in your home is up to you.

When I stay with people I always offer to pay for a takeaway as a 'thank you' for hosting, but i don't think it's cheeky for him to not offer to pay his share for a meal provided at your home.

Yeah, the takeaway doesn’t bother me so much. It just felt like a kick in the teeth because of the pub. If he’d paid his share in the pub I wouldn’t have minded paying for the takeaway.
OP posts:
HotChoc10 · 25/07/2021 10:06

If he wants to go to the cinema (and you want to go) just say, 'sure, I got our meals yesterday so can you get the tickets and snacks?'

giletrouge · 25/07/2021 10:07

Cinema - "Can you book the tickets then, I'll knock what we owe you off what you owe us for the takeaway - it'll prob come out even."

LemonRoses · 25/07/2021 10:08

It’s all about clearly communicating your expectations.

Onlinedilema · 25/07/2021 10:09

If he wants to go to the cinema let him pay.

PinkiOcelot · 25/07/2021 10:10

Tell him because you paid for yesterday, he pays for today. Tight arse. (Him not you)

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