To think my house guest is rather rude?

[dizzyrabbit]

We went for a pub lunch yesterday which I ended up paying for. The bill came and he didn’t even bother to look at it. I paid it with my card expecting him to give me some cash towards it but nothing. Then we ordered a takeaway for dinner which we also ended up paying for. He didn’t even offer to contribute. He’s came a long way to visit but I can’t help but feel like it’s taking the mick. I want to say something but don’t know what. I’m too nice for my own good. Vent over.

[HappyWipings]

Just tell them that you will be staying in tonight and cook enough for everyone. Also , don't say yes/invite them to stay again.

[JellyNellie]

OP I'd of expected to pay if I'd of been in your situation! We live far from all our friends and family,so when they travel to see us we pay all meals & drinks and the same when we travel to them they pay for us? Isn't this common sense? I wouldn't expect a penny personally.

[ShallWeStartTheMeeting]

I'm sorry but since when has hosting become- paying for out of house activities?
He's not your teenage son!

If you are worried about confrontation, just tell him (as someone previously mentioned) to book his tickets online. Then watch what he does...
Alternatively when you get there just buy your tickets and let him pay for his- in a casual way.

[DrManhattan]

I would let him buy the cinema tickets.
Don't invite him again. Meet up somewhere else in future.
I don't know the guy but he seems awkward that he can't even offer to contribute to meals out / take aways. Lacking in social skills imo

[ShallWeStartTheMeeting]

If I have guests I provide cooked meals but unless I specifically invite them to a meal out the outside the house costs are shared.
Takeaway ordered without consultation and expected to be paid for, is cheeky.
If you had suggested it then fine but if he just ordered and waited for you to pay, that is entitled.

[notthemum]

I may have missed something here but are you just Friends ? If so hòw and for how ĺong ?
Did you call and invite him to visit or did he caĺl you .

[TabithaTiger]

That's very rude. When I stay with friends, I always offer to take them out for a meal and will pick up the bill for coffees, takeaways, etc. You should have said 'right, shall we split 50/50 or would you prefer we each pay for what we had?'

[Zilla1]

TBH OP I don;t think's it's you who are socially awkward. Everyone might have different expectations but if I were staying as a guest then I'd have offered to have paid for all the pub/restaurant meal and all the takeaway and then possibly negotiated down to paying half or possibly insisting on still paying all, unless the host had previously insisted on a 'my treat' as the basis for their invitation to the guest for the whole visit.

[quizqueen]

If I was invited to stay with someone, I wouldn't expected to have to pay for expensive meals out which I hadn't budgeted for. I would expect to fed at their house and then return the offer to stay at mine sometime.

[IntermittentParps]

If I stay with someone I insist on covering at least some of our meals out and other expenses. At the very least I'd go halves, especially on takeaways and things.
For the cinema thing, if he suggests it just either say 'I don't fancy it but you crack on' or 'Yes, sure' and then wait until he has to say something about the tickets, then make clear you think it's his turn.

[Tistheseason17]

I don't think you'll find your voice.
Expect to pay for the cinema and snacks, too.
He's not your friend. He has not had to pay for accommodation so you really do not owe him anything.
If you can't say it - text it!

[Batsy]

My friends are lovely, as when i go to visit them (3hr drive away) i'm never allowed to put my hand in my pocket once "You've driven all this way to see us, its the least we can do."

I always DO at least offer to contribute though, and they invariably refuse... but maybe thats the difference? It'd be polite for your guest to at least offer.

[omgthepain]

Type him up a bill and present it at the end of the weekend

[IntermittentParps]

quizqueen, how do you know what he's been expecting though?
And if he hasn't budgeted for eating out, then when the OP suggested the pub lunch (if it WAS her who suggested it), he could have said, 'I'm a bit skint actually, do you mind if we just eat in?'
Same with the takeaway.

[Namechangeforthisquestion7]

YABU and also being a bad host. The host is supposed to provide the meals. You could have cooked at home instead of going out or getting take away. When the bill came did you say anything like "shall we split this" at the time? If not, it would be massively rude to try to reclaim something later on even against cinema tickets or whatever. If he's asking to go to the cinema you say at the time of booking let's split this, otherwise, explain it might be too much and suggest netflix instead.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

He absolutely knows you find it hard to raise your voice and he is taking advantage of it. He is happily using your weaknesses against you.

He’s no friend OP.

[LizzieW1969]

I always DO at least offer to contribute though, and they invariably refuse... but maybe thats the difference? It'd be polite for your guest to at least offer.

^I think this is the point really. His behaviour is rude and entitled, especially with regards to the meal out.

[ForeverSausages]

You say he's come a long way to visit and I'm guessing he's paid to get to yours and back home? When we visit friends & family they pay for all food whilst we're there. Normally only a couple days. I think that's fair enough when we've spent £100+ getting there. And it's the same when they stay with us. Never even considered asking them to pay half.

[MissJeanBrodiesprime]

If someone visits me from a distance I would expect to pay for the food, but I’d probably cook which does make it more straight forward. Anyone of my friends would always bring a bottle of wine with them and/ or some chocs as a way of saying thank you snd I would do this if I was a guest at someone else’s. Eating out does complicate matters but I think OP’s guest probably should have offered a contribution at least but again this depends on how far he’s travelled etc.

[Gingefringe]

Did you invite him over to stay with you or did he invite himself? If you invited him to stay then I would expect meals to be provided in the house, although meals out would be a different matter and would expect to be split (unless the host says at the start 'Im treating you to a meal out').
If he invited himself he's just a CF. I wouldnt offer to pay for the cinema - just get your own ticket.

[HearMeSnore]

Tell him you'd love to go to the cinema but you can't afford it. You blew your budget for the month on the pub lunch and takeaway and about staying in with sandwiches and board games instead?

Maybe he'll be embarrassed enough to stump up?

[robotcollision]

Did you suggest the takeaway and pub food? Is it possible he has very little money and was hoping you'd cook at home - so he was getting a free holiday?

If he wants to go to the cinema, why not say, 'Oh great, are you happy to you book us some tickets on your phone?'

[IntermittentParps]

YABU and also being a bad host. The host is supposed to provide the meals.
I've never heard of this as a hard-and-fast rule If anything, among me and my friends a stay at each other's houses is an excuse to eat out/have takeaways.
Having said that, when money has been tighter we've certainly done more cooking and eating in, by mutual agreement. Even then though, as a guest I'd either pay for or split the groceries bill, or pay for things like some wine/other drinks/chocolates/pudding.

[Batsy]

@ForeverSausages

You say he's come a long way to visit and I'm guessing he's paid to get to yours and back home? When we visit friends & family they pay for all food whilst we're there. Normally only a couple days. I think that's fair enough when we've spent £100+ getting there. And it's the same when they stay with us. Never even considered asking them to pay half.

this too... when friends come here, i dont expect them to pay either, its £60+ in fuel to visit.

Its rude to host someone and expect them to pay for stuff... if a meal out, take away and cinema is too much, then prep to cook at home for them instead.

[ShallWeStartTheMeeting]

Did he bring a gift when he arrived? Chocolate/flowers/wine?