To think my house guest is rather rude?

[dizzyrabbit]

We went for a pub lunch yesterday which I ended up paying for. The bill came and he didn’t even bother to look at it. I paid it with my card expecting him to give me some cash towards it but nothing. Then we ordered a takeaway for dinner which we also ended up paying for. He didn’t even offer to contribute. He’s came a long way to visit but I can’t help but feel like it’s taking the mick. I want to say something but don’t know what. I’m too nice for my own good. Vent over.

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

Definitely DO NOT book the cinema tickets, ask him to book. Again, as the guest I'd have offered to pay as a 'thanks', but clearly he isn't the sort.

[allycat4]

I think it's your job as host to provide the meals!

[icedcoffees]

I voted YABU because you just paid without saying anything, and then bought a takeaway on top!

Why didn't you say something?

[dizzyrabbit]

@LemonRoses

It’s all about clearly communicating your expectations.

I know. I’m just awful at this. I’m socially awkward.

[TidyDancer]

@giletrouge

Cinema - "Can you book the tickets then, I'll knock what we owe you off what you owe us for the takeaway - it'll prob come out even."

Yep, do this. He's got an opportunity to make things even with this.

I wouldn't be inviting him again either way though.

[Tonkerbea]

Well the onus is not just on OP. It's also on the guest to be polite and not take advantage, thus creating an awkward situation!

[LemonRoses]

dizzyrabbit much more awkward if you’ve not communicated clearly initially.

[honeylulu]

Do not pay for the cinema! His turn to treat you. Pre-empt it by suggesting he books the tickets in advance to make sure you can all get in. Don't offer money towards it. If he asks just laugh and say "we treated you yesterday, your turn!". If he is a real CF (as opposed to a bit thoughtless) he might delay the ticket issue until you arrive at the cinema and hang back hoping you go in front and pay, but stand firm. Do you think he would just buy a single ticket?

[maddy68]

Perhaps he doesn't have the money. He was expecting to stay with you for a couple of days not go out perhaps.

Just cook a spag bol tonight

[Fourandtwentymilliondoors]

It’s interesting reading the responses on here. If we have people come to stay with us then we pay for everything. We only have people stay who we love and enjoy treating and our view is that if they have gone to the time and expense to come and see us, we cover everything else.

A lot of the time of course our guests insist on contributing and occasionally have treated us but by and large we expect to (and are happy to!) pay for everything while they stay with us.

[rainbowstardrops]

Hmmm I'm a bit on the fence here. I'd say as the host, you provide meals etc but then again, I wouldn't have gone for a pub lunch AND a takeaway. I'd have probably cooked something at home. He should have at least offered to pay in the pub even if you declined his offer.
I definitely wouldn't be paying for cinema tickets though! Why can't he go and see a film when he goes home?
Also, do you get invited to his and if so, what's the set up then?

[HollowTalk]

I don't think he owes you for the takeaway unless you offered a meal and he said he would rather have a takeaway. Don't even think of paying for the cinema though. There isn't anyone in the world who'd expect you to do that.

[EeeppP]

Depends. Did he spend a small fortune travelling to you? Petrol/train fares?

[TheGoogleMum]

I'm not made of money so after paying I'd probably say "you owe me x, if you want to bank transfer it?" Which I know would make some people cringe but I doubt I'd have enough spare money to pay for a guest unexpectedly!

[MinnieMountain]

When we stay with someone we always pay for a meal to say thank you and bring some alcohol.

I agree that host pays for home made meals, but it’s taking the piss to have pub and takeaway yet still expect the host to pay for those.

[IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves]

Tell him how much the ticket is and ask him if he wants to book online or pay when he gets there.

[Aprilx]

I think expecting money for a takeaway or the passive aggressive “knock it off what you owe us for the takeaway” is terrible. You don’t have house guests and then expect them to pay for food that is consumed in the house, be it takeaway or food purchased from the supermarket.

He should not expect you to pay for his cinema ticket, you should each pay for your own and I think he should have expected to pay for his own pub meal. Although if the pub were your suggestion, I think you should have offered to pay for him.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

He’s a classic sponger.
You have to say, ‘Come on, your turn now.’

We once had a Canadian cousin (50 ish) who I’d never even met before, stay for 10 days. He was apparently allergic to putting his hand in his pocket for anything - and I took him round London to see the sights, paying for everything.
He wanted to go on a bit of a pub crawl with 30-ish dd, but it wasn’t until after he’d let her pay for 2 rounds that she said, ‘Your turn now.’

Never again. He didn’t even send so much as an email to say thanks for having him.

[Crinkle77]

@ShadowInVain

Hmm, if he's your guest, it's really for you as the host to provide his meals.

Home made meals at home I would but not takeaways and restaurants out.

[Beamur]

I think splitting bills is different when they're a guest than if you're out with friends.
Personally I would offer to pay (if I was the guest) but it's not so unusual to feed/entertain people staying with you.
I think expecting you to pay for cinema tickets and snacks would be rude though and if they don't offer to book them and start hinting you should, maybe suggest you stream a film at home instead and cook as you can't really afford it...

[pinkyredrose]

What did he say when you asked for his half of the pub lunch?

If he wants to go to the cinema he can go, you don't need to go do you?

If you don't want to be walked over then don't act like a doormat.

[newnortherner111]

Not offering is wrong in my opinion. Perhaps if he suggests the cinema, say 'I'll leave it to you to book and choose the seats' or something like that.

[Heyyeahyouwiththesadface]

@dizzyrabbit

I did think about offering to pay for it but I don’t like that it’s just assumed that I would. I would prefer him to offer to pay his share then I would have said not to worry and that it’s on me. That’s the way it should work in my head lol

Who said ‘let’s go to the pub for lunch’ ?
If you did maybe he thinks you were treating him? Not something I would assume mind.

About tonight, why not just say that it’s a bit much after lunch out & a takeaway last night as you wouldn’t normally spend so much over a weekend? Maybe he will take the hint and pay his way then.

[WimpoleHat]

If you have a guest, then you pay for meals at home (and I’d include a takeaway in that, to be honest). But if you go out, I’d expect the guest either to offer to pay as a “thank you for having me”, or to split. I certainly wouldn’t expect to be taken to the cinema….

[WimpoleHat]

(To be fair, it does depend on why he’s a guest. If he wanted to come because you live somewhere lovely, then the above definitely applies. If he’s come to fix your boiler/babysit your kids/do you a favour, then it’s rather different!)