To think my house guest is rather rude?

[dizzyrabbit]

We went for a pub lunch yesterday which I ended up paying for. The bill came and he didn’t even bother to look at it. I paid it with my card expecting him to give me some cash towards it but nothing. Then we ordered a takeaway for dinner which we also ended up paying for. He didn’t even offer to contribute. He’s came a long way to visit but I can’t help but feel like it’s taking the mick. I want to say something but don’t know what. I’m too nice for my own good. Vent over.

[woodhill]

@ozymandiusking

As he is a guest, and normally I assume you would cook, It's up to you to pay for meals out.

No way

[ozymandiusking]

As he is a guest, and normally I assume you would cook, It's up to you to pay for meals out.

[HideousKinky]

If I am a guest staying in someone's home I always try to engineer an opportunity to take them out for lunch/dinner at some point, as a way of saying thank you. This is in addition of course to bringing flowers/chocolates/whatever on arrival and sending a card to thank them afterwards.

A host has obligations, but a guest does too.

[CharityDingle]

@user47000000000

DHs bro does this. I hate it, turns up for Xmas every year with not even a bottle of wine and eats and drinks for 5 solid days. I know it’s on us as he’s coming to us but I think it’s a cheek to bring literally nothing and quaff through nice wine every night

Hide the wine. Or get something not particularly nice for him, and keep the good stuff for yourselves.

[puffyisgood]

In an 'average' house guest situation, I'd definitely expect the costs of meals out to be shared equally between guests.

I'd expect deviation from this expectaion where one or more of the following conditions were satisified:

(a) an obvious, significant, difference in the financial means of the guest[s] and host[s];
(b) the stay having already involved a lot of effort on the host's part [e.g. because of length of stay, quantity and quality of homecooking, offering lifts around, number of guests, laundry, etc];
(c) the restaurant in question being very much the choice of one side of the relationship, which the chooser is kind of inviting the other side to try out;
(d) etc.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Kind of depends on financial situation of friends. I think this is key! But sometimes the wealthiest of people are the most stingy (how do you think they hold onto their money?).

[HeronLanyon]

But an invite is not an order to attend ! If friend invites me and I say yes then I fully expect a mix of them cooking and us eating out locally with me paying to say thank you for the break ! Sometimes friends refuse and we split the bill. Really not fussed but will always offer to treat friends to something meaningful as a thank you.
As a host again I’m not too fussed what happens but generally they offer and we split or they pay for something. Kind of depends on financial situation of friends.

[woodhill]

It did sound like the guest in question was keen to come,

I would probably take the host out to dinner as a thank you and bring gifts like flowers, chocolates and wine.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

No @woodhill I would agree with that. It would really need to be negotiated before going out or given as an option but with the clear proviso that it's 'going Dutch' or otherwise (not sure if I can say that these days???).

[woodhill]

I'm happy to provide food and meals but not funding takeaways or restaurants necessarily.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

I wonder if this is a generational thing? It's entirely different if someone has invited themselves to stay but if an invitation has been issued (and guests have travelled to see you etc.) then the onus should not be on the guest to pay for everything! Seriously?

[woodhill]

@fatimashortbread

He is a guest; host pays

No way unless it is my family e.g. dcs

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

People from different cultures would have different views on the etiquette of playing host/being the guest though? That would make a huge difference. In some cultures, they'd be horrified if you put your hand in your pocket to pay for anything!

[MrsClatterbuck]

I once hosted someone from overseas. Not a friend but someone who was travelling around Europe and had stayed with a bunch of students at our local church. Me and DH had got to know most of them well and became like honourary parents to them. Anyway this person came to stay at our house for 2/3 nights. We took them out for a really nice meal not expecting them to pay anything but I took them the next day out and about to see around some places of interest. I paid for everything. Lunch admission to National Trust property. Fare on ferry to get there. Didn't have to get ferry but thought they would like something different. It would have been nice if they had offered to buy a coffee though.
Anytime we have stayed with family or friends we have always taken them out for a meal or bought them something nice.

[burnoutbabe]

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

If I host I would fully expect to provide all 'eaten in' meals. However, if my guest suggested going out for a meal (on them) I would graciously agree .

And hosting a single person is entirely different in so many ways (including expense!) to the challenges of hosting a family.

True. We don't know if op is a family or a singleton. It's often much easier fir the single person to travel and be put up in spare room then have a family visit a single person (who doesn't have space for everyone to sleep comfortably)? (And may not have a child proof place if that's ab issue)

[Raindancer411]

I would say learn from you mistake and next time get him to stay in a hotel, or don't have him come full stop.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Was it the guest who was suggesting meals out though? I thought it was the host because they didn't like cooking?

[Notwavingbutdrowing3]

@fatimashortbread

He is a guest; host pays

I disagree

If a guest visits and wants takeaway snd then a meal out, I wouldn't expect to have to fund this. I'll happily cook what we have in, but I'm not made of money. If I could afford to eat out or takeaways regularly, I might feel differently. But it is a bit CF to see staying at a friend's who's kind enough to put me up and provide breakfast lunch etc to then expect them to fund my meals out as well.

[fatimashortbread]

He is a guest; host pays

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

If I host I would fully expect to provide all 'eaten in' meals. However, if my guest suggested going out for a meal (on them) I would graciously agree .

And hosting a single person is entirely different in so many ways (including expense!) to the challenges of hosting a family.

[IntermittentParps]

But then what is hosting if just providing a bed to sleep in?
People seem to think on here that hosting means 'running round after someone'. If I have a friend to stay (or go to stay with a friend) it's so we can spend time together. No one expects to be fed all the time at the other's expense and effort.

[Idogiveadamn]

Given that you have come on here to complain about your "guest" I don't think you should ever have anyone stay with you. Whatever they do or don't do, they will be judged (and referenced on here). If you are actually running an hotel, let people know, so that they can expect to pay for everything. Otherwise, don't have guests. Ever. The vibe in your home when guests arrive must be awful.

[burnoutbabe]

You'd expect the guest To also provide entertainment and conversation! Not just the host.

(Sorry post cut off mid post)

I'm just not sure why a guest should be soooo greatful to be provided a bed when they have made the effort to visit that they need to treat the host to gifts and meals out. The host should be grateful they don't have to travel/pay out petrol to see their guest surely?

[burnoutbabe]

But everyone is saying they don't expect to cook for guests or provide any food.

(And you'd expect the guest to also price

[Cimone]

@burnoutbabe

But then what is hosting if just providing a bed to sleep in? Your not really providing any hospitality are you? Beyond maybe a teabag, milk and clean sheets (one hopes)

When you have guests and you cook for them, clean up behind them, make sure they have towels and soap and food and drinks you are hosting them. You provide entertainment, conversation, companionship while they are under your roof. The least they can do is show some thanks by offering something in return.