To think my house guest is rather rude?

[dizzyrabbit]

We went for a pub lunch yesterday which I ended up paying for. The bill came and he didn’t even bother to look at it. I paid it with my card expecting him to give me some cash towards it but nothing. Then we ordered a takeaway for dinner which we also ended up paying for. He didn’t even offer to contribute. He’s came a long way to visit but I can’t help but feel like it’s taking the mick. I want to say something but don’t know what. I’m too nice for my own good. Vent over.

[MissJeanBrodiesprime]

@dizzyrabbit

He also did a poo in my en-suite bathroom.

May be because he didn’t like your hosting?

[LizzieW1969]

Why are people so hung up on the fact that the OP didn’t cook for her guest? This guest didn’t want that, he wanted the takeaway and to go out to lunch - and to go to the cinema!

If they all want an expensive weekend like that, then I guess that neither he nor the couple he’s staying with can afford to pay the full cost on their own and realistically they have to pay their share.

[IntermittentParps]

Why are people so hung up on the fact that the OP didn’t cook for her guest?
I know. Some people have a really weird idea about what a host(ess) 'should' do. 'Why couldn't you have done something simple like pasta with tomato sauce, or pasta with pesto, or even some ready meals?' Maybe (as she actually said) the guest wanted to eat out/get takeaways! And maybe she didn't fucking want to anyway? Why should a host automatically always cook?

[BlaBlaSmthSmth]

@LizzieW1969

Why are people so hung up on the fact that the OP didn’t cook for her guest? This guest didn’t want that, he wanted the takeaway and to go out to lunch - and to go to the cinema!

If they all want an expensive weekend like that, then I guess that neither he nor the couple he’s staying with can afford to pay the full cost on their own and realistically they have to pay their share.

I don't think people are 'hung up' on it, some people have just said it has changed their opinion on the situation 🤷‍♀️. Like I said, OP is the host it was her house so if she suggested she'd rather eat out/get take away, I can't imagine there are many who would say 'no I would prefer you to cook for me'

Still not on for him to go along with it and expect to be paid for but I don't see how OP can come here and talk as much shit about her friend after her admission. Neither are blameless and both are lacking in communication skills.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@IntermittentParps

Why are people so hung up on the fact that the OP didn’t cook for her guest?
I know. Some people have a really weird idea about what a host(ess) 'should' do. 'Why couldn't you have done something simple like pasta with tomato sauce, or pasta with pesto, or even some ready meals?' Maybe (as she actually said) the guest wanted to eat out/get takeaways! And maybe she didn't fucking want to anyway? Why should a host automatically always cook?

If you come to see me, I can assure you you'll prefer a restaurant meal or a simple cafe meal to my cooking. I don't cook for myself so why should I cook for a guest. I tell my guests to make themselves at home so I act normal with them.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"If I'd travelled to see a friend and they decided they'd rather eat out I'd be a bit put out after the expense of travel and would resent having to pay for expensive meals. "

Was it an expensive meal out or just a meal out?
I suppose then you just say you're on a budget and suggest eating at home? But I don't think having someone to stay means you automatically have to cook for them. I suppose you have to make sure you have food in if you live far away from a shop.

[PeachyPeachTrees]

If I host and I cook then I expect no money but if guest brings a bottle of wine, then great.
If I choose to eat out then I would also expect no money from guest unless I stayed at theres before and we ate out and I paid.

[Cimone]

Yes he is rude. You are hosting him for the weekend, sure. Providing the space, and some entertainment or whatnot. However, as a good guest he should be paying for a meal, buying some wine, doing something to contribute to show his gratefulness for your hospitality. Since he is a friend, the likelihood of you not having him over again is rather slim. Instead of being passive aggressive, if he wants to come again just tell him that you expect him to cover an evening out for all, and to help with the cost of an at home meal. That it is not a vacation retreat but a friendship that you expect him to contribute his resources to just as you do. If he doesn't like it, then he can stay his butt at HIS house.

[burnoutbabe]

But then what is hosting if just providing a bed to sleep in? Your not really providing any hospitality are you? Beyond maybe a teabag, milk and clean sheets (one hopes)

[Cimone]

@burnoutbabe

But then what is hosting if just providing a bed to sleep in? Your not really providing any hospitality are you? Beyond maybe a teabag, milk and clean sheets (one hopes)

When you have guests and you cook for them, clean up behind them, make sure they have towels and soap and food and drinks you are hosting them. You provide entertainment, conversation, companionship while they are under your roof. The least they can do is show some thanks by offering something in return.

[burnoutbabe]

But everyone is saying they don't expect to cook for guests or provide any food.

(And you'd expect the guest to also price

[burnoutbabe]

You'd expect the guest To also provide entertainment and conversation! Not just the host.

(Sorry post cut off mid post)

I'm just not sure why a guest should be soooo greatful to be provided a bed when they have made the effort to visit that they need to treat the host to gifts and meals out. The host should be grateful they don't have to travel/pay out petrol to see their guest surely?

[Idogiveadamn]

Given that you have come on here to complain about your "guest" I don't think you should ever have anyone stay with you. Whatever they do or don't do, they will be judged (and referenced on here). If you are actually running an hotel, let people know, so that they can expect to pay for everything. Otherwise, don't have guests. Ever. The vibe in your home when guests arrive must be awful.

[IntermittentParps]

But then what is hosting if just providing a bed to sleep in?
People seem to think on here that hosting means 'running round after someone'. If I have a friend to stay (or go to stay with a friend) it's so we can spend time together. No one expects to be fed all the time at the other's expense and effort.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

If I host I would fully expect to provide all 'eaten in' meals. However, if my guest suggested going out for a meal (on them) I would graciously agree .

And hosting a single person is entirely different in so many ways (including expense!) to the challenges of hosting a family.

[fatimashortbread]

He is a guest; host pays

[Notwavingbutdrowing3]

@fatimashortbread

He is a guest; host pays

I disagree

If a guest visits and wants takeaway snd then a meal out, I wouldn't expect to have to fund this. I'll happily cook what we have in, but I'm not made of money. If I could afford to eat out or takeaways regularly, I might feel differently. But it is a bit CF to see staying at a friend's who's kind enough to put me up and provide breakfast lunch etc to then expect them to fund my meals out as well.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Was it the guest who was suggesting meals out though? I thought it was the host because they didn't like cooking?

[Raindancer411]

I would say learn from you mistake and next time get him to stay in a hotel, or don't have him come full stop.

[burnoutbabe]

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

If I host I would fully expect to provide all 'eaten in' meals. However, if my guest suggested going out for a meal (on them) I would graciously agree .

And hosting a single person is entirely different in so many ways (including expense!) to the challenges of hosting a family.

True. We don't know if op is a family or a singleton. It's often much easier fir the single person to travel and be put up in spare room then have a family visit a single person (who doesn't have space for everyone to sleep comfortably)? (And may not have a child proof place if that's ab issue)

[MrsClatterbuck]

I once hosted someone from overseas. Not a friend but someone who was travelling around Europe and had stayed with a bunch of students at our local church. Me and DH had got to know most of them well and became like honourary parents to them. Anyway this person came to stay at our house for 2/3 nights. We took them out for a really nice meal not expecting them to pay anything but I took them the next day out and about to see around some places of interest. I paid for everything. Lunch admission to National Trust property. Fare on ferry to get there. Didn't have to get ferry but thought they would like something different. It would have been nice if they had offered to buy a coffee though.
Anytime we have stayed with family or friends we have always taken them out for a meal or bought them something nice.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

People from different cultures would have different views on the etiquette of playing host/being the guest though? That would make a huge difference. In some cultures, they'd be horrified if you put your hand in your pocket to pay for anything!

[woodhill]

@fatimashortbread

He is a guest; host pays

No way unless it is my family e.g. dcs

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

I wonder if this is a generational thing? It's entirely different if someone has invited themselves to stay but if an invitation has been issued (and guests have travelled to see you etc.) then the onus should not be on the guest to pay for everything! Seriously?

[woodhill]

I'm happy to provide food and meals but not funding takeaways or restaurants necessarily.