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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is anything but proof he has cheated.

215 replies

Cornnuts · 14/07/2020 05:28

Sorry not AIBU but posting for traffic. I was looking for some old files on my husbands laptop that I needed. I have found screenshots of text messages he received in September 2018 from two different sources one saying ‘you’re test came back negative’ and the other ‘you’re clear’ from googling the numbers one is linked to government NHS chlamydia testing, the other is free test.me which is an STD testing site. We have been married 2 years and together 10. I’ve been lying here all night going through every possible scenario that somehow this has an explanation. There isn’t anything I can think of apart from he has cheated. I don’t know what to do or think. I will talk to him today but I don’t know if I’m ready to hear what this means. I love him and thought he loved me. We are trying for a baby. I just can’t even think that he would do this. Sorry not even really a question. Suppose just looking for a hand hold and somewhere to vent.

OP posts:
Epson880 · 14/07/2020 05:33

So sorry to hear this OP. I guess the only thing you can do is talk to him ASAP. Not much use - sorry; just didn’t want to not reply when you sound so upset (inevitably) Flowers

Mixedandproud · 14/07/2020 05:36

I an very sorry to hear this.
I think you are right to be concerned he has cheated. I would immediately stop trying for a baby and talk to him about it.
Also get yourself STI checked just in case.

The only other possible explanation I can think of could be an ex girlfriend got in contact to say she had tested positive for chlamydia and he was just checking to make sure he was clear. But in which case why not explain to you what had happened and be open about it?

022828MAN · 14/07/2020 05:39

He may have had some strange symptoms (UTI related) and panicked and got a test?
But in all honesty I would be thinking the same as you.

CazzaCat · 14/07/2020 05:52

@Cornnuts the only way you’ll know is to catch him off guard and ask him outright.

It could be that he’s been spooked by something from his past that’s caused him to get a test and he felt too embarrassed to tell you. He should have a though obviously but it could be a forgivable explanation. Depends how good a liar he is I suppose.

Yeahnahmum · 14/07/2020 06:00

Red flag alert.
Get to the bottom of this before starting a family with this potential cheater

jessstan2 · 14/07/2020 06:02

The only reason your husband had an STI check is that he cheated and felt guilty. Thank goodness it was negative, that's one thing you don't have to worry about but it is not a good idea to become pregnant with someone who is unfaithful to you. If he has done it once he is likely to do it again.

You must address this issue with him and find out exactly what happened. You know him well enough to be able to tell if he is waffling.

I'm so sorry, this is very hurtful but please, no babies.

fuckingfuckers · 14/07/2020 06:14

There are a few possibilities

He had some strange symptoms and was sent for the test by the GP. Maybe he thought you cheated until the results came back and never mentioned it.

I have a friend that regularly goes for STD checks despite being in a long term relationship because she believes you never know. Could he be like this?

He was cheating and concerned.

The thing that makes it odd to me is not that he had the test but that he screenshot it. That means he sent it to someone. Why would he need to?

Thehop · 14/07/2020 06:15

Can’t chlamydia lay dormant for years? An ex could have got in touch?

I’d be thinking the same as you but talk to him first.

theendoftheworldasweknowit · 14/07/2020 06:17

The only other plausible scenario is he thought you were cheating, took a test, and when it came back negative, gave his head a wobble and realised he was being ridiculous.

However, the more likely scenario is he was cheating.

(I'm assuming his name was in those screenshots, i.e. he was definitely the subject of those tests?)

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's never easy.

TheFuckingDogs · 14/07/2020 06:20

I do agree with the pp about the need to screenshot the results but apart from that it still could be a simple explanation - weird symptoms, Dr suggested it, he thought you were cheating.
Is there other factors that now looking back make you suspicious?

Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 14/07/2020 06:21

I would be suspicious of cheating as well, but I don't think you should run away with that idea just yet. You don't have enough info to be certain.

I do find it odd that he would keep screenshots of his results. Sounds like he was sending them to someone.

Are there any other signs at all?

Coronabegone · 14/07/2020 06:26

Talk to him, it's the on,y thing you can do.

It doesn't sound good, but he may have an explanation.

CazzaCat · 14/07/2020 06:34

@Cornnuts did he have a stag do before your wedding? One last fling?

mayormaynot · 14/07/2020 06:35

Are the screen shots of the results to his phone? Just checking they are not from a friend who's sent them to him because they are in the clear.

When you talk to him make sure you get a very clear explanation. If this is fudged over with excuses, accusations as to why you were looking at his pictures, or anything that is not 100% reassuring then please do not have a baby and please leave So many women choose to believe a faux excuse as then their life can 'carry on' but they later regret it.

TheWitchCirce · 14/07/2020 06:38

There are other plausible alternatives, although as others have said the screenshots suggest sharing the results with someone else.

You have the element of surprise so look him in the eye and have the conversation, If he gets defensive and accuses you of snooping , he's playing for time.

Anordinarymum · 14/07/2020 07:01

If it were your son and these were his messages you would be pleased that he was taking his sexual health seriously but it's not your son, it's your husband.

You need to ask the questions and you need to do it now

Cheesecakejar · 14/07/2020 07:06

Are you sure the screenshots weren't sent to him by someone else? Anything I get sent saves to my phone so you could find all sorts on the camera roll!

Jessbow · 14/07/2020 07:09

‘you’re test came back negative’ and the other ‘you’re clear’

Is that EXACTLY what they said? if do they are not from an official body!

DrManhattan · 14/07/2020 07:13

you are going to have to ask him. Do it sooner rather than later and give yourself time to think about his response. Take care xx

MiddleClassProblem · 14/07/2020 07:24

I think he could think you cheated.

He may have had a uti.

There are other options so talk to him.

PurpleFlower1983 · 14/07/2020 07:28

My friend found out she has chlamydia when she was pregnant, questioned her husband who swore he had not cheated and later tested negative. She had been asymptomatic for a lot of years.

022828MAN · 14/07/2020 07:35

@PurpleFlower1983

My friend found out she has chlamydia when she was pregnant, questioned her husband who swore he had not cheated and later tested negative. She had been asymptomatic for a lot of years.
As someone that has worked in sexual health this is HIGHLY unlikely. More likely her husband chested and then got treated himself.
unicornparty · 14/07/2020 07:40

They say 'you're' instead of 'your' so can't be from an official company.

unicornparty · 14/07/2020 07:40

Well the first one anyway.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 14/07/2020 07:43

I got a test after weird symptoms after pregnancy (turned out hormones just getting back to normal) but the doctor said they couldn't do any further investigations until they'd ruled it out. But I think I told my husband.

Other possibility is he thought you were cheating and wanted to check. Were you going through a bad patch then? I'd have expected some other behaviour though such as accusations.

But the most likely reason is he did something stupid and got checked after. Did he go on a trip or anything around then?

Be prepared for him to lie when you ask him. It might not give you the closure you need