AIBU to think this is anything but proof he has cheated.

[Cornnuts]

Sorry not AIBU but posting for traffic. I was looking for some old files on my husbands laptop that I needed. I have found screenshots of text messages he received in September 2018 from two different sources one saying ‘you’re test came back negative’ and the other ‘you’re clear’ from googling the numbers one is linked to government NHS chlamydia testing, the other is free test.me which is an STD testing site. We have been married 2 years and together 10. I’ve been lying here all night going through every possible scenario that somehow this has an explanation. There isn’t anything I can think of apart from he has cheated. I don’t know what to do or think. I will talk to him today but I don’t know if I’m ready to hear what this means. I love him and thought he loved me. We are trying for a baby. I just can’t even think that he would do this. Sorry not even really a question. Suppose just looking for a hand hold and somewhere to vent.

[maudspellbody]

I am so, so sorry.
You are reacting in the way you are because you are in shock and reeling and your first instinct is to make everything ok.

You also still love him, because that doesn't turn off - and it will be amplified because you feel you risk losing him right now.

You need to find your anger and you need to use it. He is not your friend. He is treating you with utter disrespect and is lying through his teeth.

You need to tell him that you don't believe him and that his lying is making you lose all respect for him - and completely destroying any remote possibility of you getting through it. You don't 'think' he is lying. You 'know' he is. Because really and truly, he is. His story is utter and complete bollocks.

I know how you feel. It is utter devastation and disbelief.

I am so, so sorry

[maudspellbody]

I am so, so sorry.
You are reacting in the way you are because you are in shock and reeling and your first instinct is to make everything ok.

You also still love him, because that doesn't turn off - and it will be amplified because you feel you risk losing him right now.

You need to find your anger and you need to use it. He is not your friend. He is treating you with utter disrespect and is lying through his teeth.

You need to tell him that you don't believe him and that his lying is making you lose all respect for him - and completely destroying any remote possibility of you getting through it. You don't 'think' he is lying. You 'know' he is. Because really and truly, he is. His story is utter and complete bollocks.

I know how you feel. It is utter devastation and disbelief.

I am so, so sorry

[Palavah]

Like yesterday after we talked we were both so upset I had my famil and friends to go to after and he was on his own and I made sure he told his mum before I went so he had support. Like I care about him so much.

You care about him and you're looking out for him. He still isn't being honest with you.

He bought condoms ans fully intended to have sex with a colleague while you were ill in hospital? He's cheated on you before and needed and STI test but still lying about that.

In any case, you want children, he doesn't.
He is not going to make you happy. You are young enough to move on and find someone who wants yo start a family with you.

[RonnieBob]

He’s had time to build up his cover story.

He doesn’t want children even though you do.

And now you’re starting to believe him

Good luck OP because if you stay with him you sign up for a childless life of lies and mistrust.

(*Caveat that childless is fine but only if you’re happy with that too).

[DrManhattan]

He is trying to manipulate the situation. Don't fall for it

[MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood]

Ask yourself op. He told you he doesnt love you and isnt happy.

What happens in another ten years id he leaves you, meets someone else and has a baby with them. It happens so often. How would you feel at that point, past the posing you could start a family easily.

Dont let this man waste your time.

[Brenna24]

Wow. He is working his way through the script nicely. Deny, blame, minimise and only admit to what you can't get away with denying. He is a cheat and a liar. At least when you first confronted home.you got some honesty. Run a mile. If he can't accept what he has done you have no hope of getting past it.

[Tavimama]

Ask for the number of this woman so you can talk to her. If nothing happened, then he has nothing to worry about. If, however, there is a relationship, she's going to be brutally honest - are you ready for what she might say? For your own peace of mind, talk to her. At least then you will know. Hugs to you lovely.

[CaptainAthena]

Oh OP, I really hope you come back to this thread for support love

I've read variations of this hundreds of times on here over the years and it's always the same outcome, they think they are so bloody clever but there is nothing original about these sleazy scummy men.

I hope you're ok, you will be fine one day and you can have a beautiful life without this loser

[MadeForThis]

He's told you a story that explains what he thinks you already know.

He's lying

[Scarydinosaurs]

What he do if you did this to him?

Would you want him to want you still if you’d done this to him, or would you think he would be a mug if he took you back?

[Paperthin]

I am sorry OP, your last post really shows how much he is hurting you. This is what makes me angry though - he was contemplating cheating ( oh sorry talking 🙄) when you were in HOSPITAL with Covid and Pneumonia- forgetting everything else that would be enough for me. I know it hurts but thank goodness you don’t have DC together. He needs to go and leave you to have the life you deserve.

[3rdNamechange]

I'm sorry.
He started taking to someone in April , so what about the emails from 2018 ? What was his explanation for those ?
I'd go and find someone else to have children with. He's lying and sneaking around now , it will just get worse. He's upset because he's been caught.

[IveGotFrills]

I don't buy this version of events op, it doesn't explain the other info you've shared at all. You are bound to be emotional and may need him to comfort you but you know this isn't true and is merely adding insult to injury by taking you for a fool. He sounds very unsuitable if you want children & he's wavering. Do what you need for you now but don't accept this tale as true without firm proof.

If he WhatsApp'd then if you/he deletes the app then reinstates all deleted messages return. X

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

I'm sorry OP.

One thing I would say is that I broke up with someone I didnt love any more once, he was a nice guy but I didn't want to be with me and he actually irritated the hell out of me. I cried non stop for an entire week. Change is scary. Ending something where it's not 100pc rotten will not feel 10ppc right. Even though i knew it was for the best, it was painful because nothing is ever black and white.

That's why he's crying. Not because he actually really loves you but because it's still upsetting being dumped and being found out and change is scary. Even if he has been cheating on you for years, and doesnt want kids, breaking up is still out of his comfort zone. And seeing a stranger distraught is upsetting, so seeing you upset, someone he once cared about, is sad for him.

None of that means he wants to be with you or you should be with him.

Also have you ever heard of a man go to sleep with someone and change his mind when he got off the train? If you've bought condoms, possibly the most clinical unromantic thing ever, then its planned and its happening.

Lastly...YOU were in hospital, and HE needed comfort because he was lonely?? How do you think he would react if you had a difficult pregnancy or birth?

[Mnhealth202020]

Don’t let him manipulate you OP

Your relationship is over

He doesn’t want children with you and he’s fallen out of love - he was actually telling the truth here. He’s only backtracking now and saying he now wants to be with you because he wanted to be the one to leave first - on his own terms, when he had another woman lined up to immediately replace you. He isn’t in the best position to leave you yet so he’s trying to continue to string you along.

[Cornnuts]

Thanks everyone for your replies. They have been really helpful in getting my head sorted and knowing what I had to do. He is gone. Moved out today and good riddance. I’m hurt and upset and mad and can’t believe he has done this and still has not had the balls to tell the truth or explain. He is still very much of the narrative we have made this decision together. I’ve been very clear this is his fault and from his actions and behaviour. He is a fucking bastard. He even said all forlorn‘I’ll leave the TV for you don’t worry’ as he bought it. How very fucking big of you!! Dickhead. But he is gone. I can take a breath and start to process all this. I’m so angry and upset Yet oddly detached like I’m watching this happen. Now to get myself through this. Have lots of irl support which I am very thankful for. It’s shit and going to be hard but I’m glad I found out now and can start moving forward.

[WhenPushComesToShove]

@IveGotFrills - If he WhatsApp'd then if you/he deletes the app then reinstates all deleted messages return.

I've never heard that before - are you certain?

[WhenPushComesToShove]

@Cornnuts be very proud of yourself and look forward to a future happy life with someone decent and loving as you deserve

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

Hes obviously cheated. Don't be a mug.

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

Just see your reply well done.

[finished31]

Oh sweetheart I'm happy and sad for you. Take some time. X

[Fairybird]

OP I’m so sorry. As someone who’s had the same thing happen to her, I know the pain and heartbreak and shock and confusion you’re going through right now. I promise it will get better with time. Glad to hear you have support from family and friends. Sending you lots of love xxx

[OnceUponAMidnightBeery]

@Cornnuts I’m so sorry you are going through this, but so, so happy for you that you have been strong enough to get rid of him when he has treated you so badly.

I really mean this, it shows a lot of courage to get to this stage, you’ve got more strength than you know. It won’t be easy for a while, but life without a liar and cheater will be so much better in the long run.

He’s strung you along, letting you think he wants the same things you do. Suddenly he doesn’t want kids, I’m guessing that’s because he doesn’t want to be tied down in case something ‘better’ comes along. He’s not worth the scrapings from under a wrestlers jockstrapyour toenail.

It won’t be easy, but there’s always someone here to talk to. I’ve have great advice at 5am!

[Emeraldshamrock]

A liar will always look to distract with a scenario when they passed the test. He might be telling the truth about the more recent one but only to deflect from his guilt.
I'm sorry OP. You won't be the first to be fooled by a cheater especially a jackal and hyde the perfect partner hiding the snake.
Total deal breaking.
Go all Jeremy K on him ask him to pay for a private lie detector test.