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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is OH - regarding dinner out with girlfriends

225 replies

ChristmasNightOutMeh · 15/12/2019 08:26

NC.
For background baby is 5 months old EBF. (Will sometimes take milk from a bottle or cup). Feeds to sleep at night. Can be hard work in the evenings when she's tired. This is the same if I'm here.

I went out a few weeks ago, wasn't even gone 2 hours before OH called asking when I was coming home because baby had been crying for an hour and nothing would settle her.. when I got home, she was asleep in his arms..

So meant to be going out for dinner with a couple of friends. This will be only the second time I've gone out in an evening and left him with baby.

This morning he's in a mood because "oh that'll be fun for him".

AIBU to leave him for a couple of hours knowing it might be hard work?

More so, I'm annoyed he is making me feel bad and guilty for leaving her, knowing she'll probably cry at some point.

Should I cancel?

OP posts:
RhymingRabbit3 · 15/12/2019 08:28

Does he go out in the evening and leave you with the baby alone? If so, it is not unreasonable for you to do the same. It's not every night!

BitOfFun · 15/12/2019 08:29

Do not fucking cancel. Jesus.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 15/12/2019 08:30

Time he learned how to settle his own child. He manages the first time. Tell him practice makes perfect!

MyReadingChallenge · 15/12/2019 08:30

Ignore him! Go! I bet he doesn’t stay in every single night in case the baby cries....
Very important that you get some time away to be you and maintain friendships.

puds11 · 15/12/2019 08:31

What @BitOfFun said. Tell him to suck it up. She’s his child too. I’d be ignoring my phone if I was you. Nothings going to happen to her and he might learn to be less pathetic!

Piixxiiee · 15/12/2019 08:31

Go. You deserve a few hours. Hes her father, time to step up!

peachypetite · 15/12/2019 08:32

Go out and let him get on with it.

Thedeadwood · 15/12/2019 08:32

So you’ve had a baby with a selfish prick. Does he normally do anything to help with the baby day to day?

KatherineJaneway · 15/12/2019 08:32

YANBU. The sooner he learns to settle his own child the better.

Iwantacookie · 15/12/2019 08:32

Hes being an arse. Just tell him babies are bloody hard work and often like to cry for no reason. Hibvu you need time off to recharge.

Dumptyhumpty101 · 15/12/2019 08:32

Do not cancel and do not let him get in your head and affect your night. He is the baby’s father and he can spend one evening parenting.

misspiggy19 · 15/12/2019 08:33

No don’t cancel.

Bananalanacake · 15/12/2019 08:33

is he controlling in other ways.

Brimful · 15/12/2019 08:33

You are not being unreasonable. He's being selfish and ridiculous, he's a parent too. It's just a couple of hours. Turn your phone off and enjoy your evening!

CalleighDoodle · 15/12/2019 08:33

Wow he has had six months if not learning how to
Parent. He can start now. Do not cancel. Do not cut your night short. Tell him what time youll be back and stick to it.

inwood · 15/12/2019 08:34

What an arse. Do not cancel!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 15/12/2019 08:34

He is being unreasonable. Its normal and healthy to have the odd few hours away from your baby, and I think if you are EBF its actually very important as it can feel quite oppressive and pressured knowing that the baby wants you most and depends on you for food and everything. It's not healthy to spend 24/7 with everyone.

He is saying that so you feel guilty and come back earlier etc. Does he really think you shouldn't have any night out ever incase he has to deal with a crying baby for a few hours?

The only way she will get better at settling for him is if he does bedtime more often

ivykaty44 · 15/12/2019 08:35

Go out with your friends
If he calls then do remind him that last time you got home and baby was sleeping 💤
Have a great night

mindutopia · 15/12/2019 08:35

Everyone has to figure out how to parent. The more one on one time he gets, the easier it will become. Our youngest is older now, but dh and I both get nights and weekends away. It’s never ‘fun’ for the one who is stuck at home doing everything themselves, but that’s the reality of sharing the load. He’ll need to figure out what works to soothe your baby just like you’ve had to do.

Awrite · 15/12/2019 08:37

He's going to have to learn how to comfort his own baby. Otherwise, everything will be on you. Forever.

Don't rush home either, when he inevitably phones you telling you to come home.

MinnieMountain · 15/12/2019 08:37

"Yes, it will be fun for you. You can bond with your child."

CosmoK · 15/12/2019 08:38

Do not cancel. So what if it's hard work for him. I'm sure he'll survive.

My DH has never, ever phoned me to come home because he couldn't cope with parenting his own child.

If you cancel you'll set a precedent.....and you'll be saying you agree that you are responsible for all childcare. I'll say it again ....do not cancel.

AlwaysCheddar · 15/12/2019 08:40

Do not cancel and do not go home early. Your dh is a prick.

Cambionome · 15/12/2019 08:42

DO NOT CANCEL!!

Grobagsforever · 15/12/2019 08:44

If the baby will take a bootle or cup then he's being a selfish, lazy prat

Do not cancel

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