Or is OH - regarding dinner out with girlfriends

[ChristmasNightOutMeh]

NC.
For background baby is 5 months old EBF. (Will sometimes take milk from a bottle or cup). Feeds to sleep at night. Can be hard work in the evenings when she's tired. This is the same if I'm here.

I went out a few weeks ago, wasn't even gone 2 hours before OH called asking when I was coming home because baby had been crying for an hour and nothing would settle her.. when I got home, she was asleep in his arms..

So meant to be going out for dinner with a couple of friends. This will be only the second time I've gone out in an evening and left him with baby.

This morning he's in a mood because "oh that'll be fun for him".

AIBU to leave him for a couple of hours knowing it might be hard work?

More so, I'm annoyed he is making me feel bad and guilty for leaving her, knowing she'll probably cry at some point.

Should I cancel?

I would have things better placed so it wouldn't be a struggle for your baby. Teach the baby to take the milk from the bottle and express it before you go out. Start slowly by going out for a couple of hours only. It can be very difficult to have a baby that doesn't settle specially if you have no way of feeding her. I think YABU to not be better prepared and started this process more gradually. I'd not leave my baby for 4 hours or more with someone that's not able to satisfy all its needs. And turning the phone off would be irresponsible

I don't think OP said she would stay out only two hours. She complained that her DH called after only two hours

Nearly47

OP said " I'm only planning on going for dinner. Not planning on drinking at all. Probably won't be much longer than 2 hours"

I think it's unlikely that a dinner with friends (including getting there, waiting for everyone to turn up, ordering, eating and having a good catch up) will be under 2 hours ... and OP doesn't really want to be clock watching.

@golfbuggy,

She complains that the first time she went out her DH called when " it wasn't even two hours". If I had left my EBF baby at home I'd definitely be calling to check if baby was ok probably every hour or less. I understand wanting the break but don't think she is going right about it. You don't just drop a baby with someone that isn't that experienced in looking after the baby and expect them to learn at expense of baby. I had a feeling from what she said above that she was planning to stay out for longer than a couple of hours.

An EBF baby you can't really leave, imo

Poor boobless dad and poor baby

Get the baby onto the bottle, then enjoy your freedom

But I am a lone voice on here so what do I know

An EBF baby you can't really leave, imo

For 2 hours??? really. you have to be with baby 24/7 if you EBF? Thank god, as a first time mum, I had a lovely and sensible mother in law who had breastfed all of hers and who was well capable of managing a baby (month old ) for an hour once I had fed him before I left. People make such slaves of women. And as for the man being not that experienced? he is the baby's father and regularly minds her - what other experience does he need?

She’s just as much his baby as yours, why the hell can’t he cope with looking after her?

You EBF. Yabu. At least until baby can take something else to be fed.
Not about OH.
I dont think he should be grumbling.
You deserve a break but I would get baby sorted first.

Nearly - yes I agree with you! I think the OP claiming she will be out for less than 2 hours is unrealistic, unless her friends live next door and they are going to the fast food restaurant down the road.

For 2 hours??? really. you have to be with baby 24/7 if you EBF?

At 5 months in the day we had a pretty good schedule of feeding and I could have timed a couple of hours away. In the evening I'd have been less comfortable because if either of them woke they were used to a feed to resettle. By 9 months they were both night weaned so it would have been fine.

Tell your husband to grow a pair

of boobs.

You don't just drop a baby with someone that isn't that experienced in looking after the baby and expect them to learn at expense of baby.

I'm sorry but this stood out for me- this is exactly what happens to most FTPs, just much earlier. Within minutes of being born DD1 was in my and DHs care, and neither of us had a baby before. You prepare yourself however you can but you have to learn as you go what works for your baby etc.

I've EBF both of mine, and will express a bottle to go out. Both have been reluctant to take it but if they're really hungry, they'll eat. If they're looking for comfort instead, then DH has had to find other ways - singing, rocking etc. But I don't see why it's the OPs responsibility to teach her husband how to parent. I don't expect her baby came with a manual for her. She's had to establish breast feeding, now he has to establish bottles and other ways of settling.

If I had left my EBF baby at home I'd definitely be calling to check if baby was ok probably every hour or less.

Why? Did you trust their father so little that you had to check up on him?

@DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn It's not matter of trust. I'd just worry if my baby was Ok. I think it's instinctive. DH is a great dad but I only left him with the baby for two hours or less until the baby could take the bottle. I just wouldn't be able to relax. And many times the only way to settle my first born to sleep was giving him the breast. I know it's not ideal but that was the reality. And to have a baby on your arms for an hour and but be able to settle it down is awful

It's not matter of trust.

It is. You don't trust their father to call if there is an issue. It's not "instinctive".

He's complaining because you're going out for 2 hours and then defending how great he is at the same time..um ok

@DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn,

You don't decide what is instinctive and what isn't. If you don't believe in maternal insticts have a look at the animal kingdom how protective some animals get. Or read up human biology.

Whoever said switch your phone off, that's just ridiculous. I have a strong, healthy nine year old and I never have my phone switched off when he's not with me. Jfc.

Sorry op but you're being unreasonable.

You chose to end, not get baby used to taking bottles and established the routine of feeding to sleep. If you now want nights out you have to work on changing these routines.

Are you working on not feeding baby to sleep or on getting them to take a bottle? Surely that's the first step in preparing them to be away from you?

My dd was breast fed (until she was 3) but would never take a bottle. It was a royal pain in the bum but I know that it was my fault because it was easier and more convenient for me to feed her to sleep than to try and settle her in other ways. Consequently I didn't leave her until.i knew that she could be reliably settled in other ways. It wasn't her fault that I chose to breast feed.

What a pathetic excuse for a father - he needs to step up and take on responsibilities for his own child.

What a pathetic excuse for a father - he needs to step up and take on responsibilities for his own child.

Absolutely. How pathetic that he hasn't grown a pair of breasts and started breast feeding his child.

No wonder breastfeeding rates are so low in this country when people think a woman has to be tied to her baby for the duration of breastfeeding.

I found with both my breastfed babies that their dad could settle them to sleep without feeding (obviously for him!) much better than I could. When they know there is milk there they want it. When it wasnt an option they seemed to accept it and eventually fall asleep (whereas with me they'd be screaming until I gave in).

Also at 4 months most babies should be able to be left for 2 hours, most will be in some sort of feeding routine and not cluster feeding etc (appreciate not all babies but the mum is likely to know whether they will need a feed in those two hours or not)

Also I think OP knows where she is going to eat out and how long roughly it will take better than most posters