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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is OH - regarding dinner out with girlfriends

225 replies

ChristmasNightOutMeh · 15/12/2019 08:26

NC.
For background baby is 5 months old EBF. (Will sometimes take milk from a bottle or cup). Feeds to sleep at night. Can be hard work in the evenings when she's tired. This is the same if I'm here.

I went out a few weeks ago, wasn't even gone 2 hours before OH called asking when I was coming home because baby had been crying for an hour and nothing would settle her.. when I got home, she was asleep in his arms..

So meant to be going out for dinner with a couple of friends. This will be only the second time I've gone out in an evening and left him with baby.

This morning he's in a mood because "oh that'll be fun for him".

AIBU to leave him for a couple of hours knowing it might be hard work?

More so, I'm annoyed he is making me feel bad and guilty for leaving her, knowing she'll probably cry at some point.

Should I cancel?

OP posts:
CanIHaveADrink · 16/12/2019 17:57

@PlentyOfBiscuitsWithTea, the mother offering botte to a baby who is normally EBF is probably one of the hardest thing to do.....
If anything, it shoud be the dad who is doing that when he is thereat the weekend (if and only IF they want said baby to also be happy with a bottle). Havinh saiod that, ds2 never had a bottle. No one managed to convinced him otherwise (not his dad, not the nursery and certainly not me)

nuxe1984 · 16/12/2019 17:57

You're using the fact of him working away for 4/5 nights as an excuse - and he is too - poor me, I'm away such a lot and don't get any chance to relax at home and now you're leaving me with the baby for 2 hours …

EVERY night he's away from home he's able to relax without dealing with HIS child. You're the one at home doing it all. So to take the occasional night off (and 2 nights in 5 months is hardly excessive) is not unreasonable.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 16/12/2019 18:00

No! Your husband is being vvu and a bit of a dick! Go out have fun, leave post it’s with instructions if you have to - tell DH if he is worried to call his mum not you!

FelicisNox · 16/12/2019 18:00

YANBU and you know you're not, he on the other hand is being a selfish knob.

As a wise woman once said: he is parenting HIS child not "babysitting".

Being a parent is 50/50 so tell him to stop behaving like a selfish, petulant child or you will start going out once a week every week and really give him something to moan about.

Changedusername76 · 16/12/2019 18:02

Am I right in assuming that he thinks that she may need feeding and that’s why he’s so nervous? You should def go out just reassure him that it won’t be milk that she needs so he will be fine.

willowmelangell · 16/12/2019 18:08

DO NOT CANCEL.
Feed before you go. Express into a bottle. Leave a you-smelling-top.
Baby will not go hungry in 2-3 hours.
Have a great time and switch your phone off!

Aridane · 16/12/2019 18:10

I'm with The handmaidens / penis defenders here.

Baby is EBF, fed to sleep and may or may not take expressed milk in a cup. So yes an unsettled / screaming baby is a near certainty. But if OP thinks that's ok, then that's ok

ThistleTits · 16/12/2019 18:22

Don't you dare cancel and turn your phone to silent. The child is as much his responsibility as yours. Would he cancel his plans if he thought you would have a rubbish night?

Hollywolly1 · 16/12/2019 18:37

I think the OP is getting very harsh and unfair replies here.If the husband is worried about his 5 month old baby surely the mum would want and expect to be rang,I think people asking her to switch off her phone are being the verrrry unreasonable ones,you can't switch off being a mum and of course she deserves her nights out.She said herself he's not at all selfish.

fruitbrewhaha · 16/12/2019 18:38

Why can't you go out after putting her to bed, I used to do that when they were little. And then i had until about midnight until they woke up again.

fruitbrewhaha · 16/12/2019 18:39

Also put her to bed earlier if it's hard work because she's tired. You are waiting until she is overtired and then it becomes an issue.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 16/12/2019 18:54

Firstly, you should go out after following the advice given here ie feeding her and her dad putting her in a sling, leaving a bottle. Secondly, learn from this and don't feed any subsequent babies to sleep, they need to self settle.

Teaandcake1000 · 16/12/2019 18:59

Blimey, how did some of the posters on here get from what OP said to her being in a controlling relationship.
He’s not being controlling, he’s just scared. BOTH OP and DP need to put some prep work in to make sure the baby and DP are ready.
There’s no blame here, they both need to work out a system.

I hope you manage to find a way to make nights out work but TBH it may just not be the time yet.

Maryann1975 · 16/12/2019 19:09

I work in childcare. I have been left with several babies over the years who are EBF, I have managed to get through the session/day with them. It’s generally not easy, but it is certainly doable. Baby might cry, but the OP says the baby will be unsettled regardless of her being there or not. OP, go out, have a good night. DH needs to step up and do his best. The more he looks after his baby by himself, the easier it will become as he learns how to soothe her in his own way. Baby will take a bottle so he does have options (OP says this in her first post).

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/12/2019 19:11

I think your DH is getting a very hard time. If your baby feeds to sleep every night then depending on what time baby usually settles and what time the meal is then you are going to have a very unsettled baby. If the only thing that soothes baby to sleep is breastfeeding then DH can't do anything about it can he.

Womenwotlunch · 16/12/2019 19:13

Please do not cancel

IncrediblySadToo · 16/12/2019 19:30

If the husband is worried about his 5 month old baby

He’s NOT, he’s worried it ‘won’t be fun’ for him!

Someone needs to tell the deluded idiot, that patenting isn’t ‘all fun’.

I’ve looked after countless EBF babies & plenty of them weren’t keen on a bottle - but you do what it takes to settle them. She’s 5 months, not a new born. She’ll come to no harm not being fed for a couple of hours, she was asleep in his arms last time he made you come home. Tell him to crack on with settling hus daughter. He needs more practice, clearly. Every night he’s home he should be putting her to bed, not you.

IncrediblySadToo · 16/12/2019 19:32

he’s just scared

Scared?!

Come the fuck on. She’s a 5 month old baby. What the hell is there to be scared about? She’s not going to explode! She might cry, but he’s her DAD. Fir crying out fucking loud this place gets more pathetic by the day.

golfbuggy · 16/12/2019 19:36

She’s a 5 month old baby. What the hell is there to be scared about?

I guess you've never experienced a baby that cried and cried and was inconsolable? It's actually pretty frightening if you have no idea what is wrong, what you can do to help and, yes, you do go through phases, however irrational of thinking that the baby will never stop crying.

VeeJayBee · 16/12/2019 19:38

Sorry, does EBF mean Exclusively Breast Feeding or Expressed Breast Feeding?

If Expressed - then YANBU. Men kinda think it’s our job to be the first care giver and you should/need to go out!!!

If Exclusive - I’m in two minds. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable as such but I do kinda think you make your choices and breastbone feeding sort of means you need to be there on demand. I don’t say this for your partners benefit. He’s probably being selfish, sorry to say. But for your baby’s benefit, he/she’ll have got used to being fed by your breast, no?

I exclusively breast fed my DD and it was really hard for this exact reason of not being able to take a breather for a long time but I’d have felt bad if I knew she was crying for the breast when that was how I decided to feed her.

This won’t be a popular view and I do totally get the need to maintain your sanity!!! X

VeeJayBee · 16/12/2019 19:39

Not breastbone! My phones being weird!

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 16/12/2019 19:48

He's in no way selfish. He works away 4/5 days a week

Erm... isn't he? Do you get in a mood and say "oh that will be fun for me" when he tells you he will be away working?

No-one said it was going to be fun for him. But he needs to man up and get on with it.

cherish123 · 16/12/2019 19:59

I'd go out. He will just have to learn to settle her.

mauvaisereputation · 16/12/2019 20:18

TBH I have a 10 month old. She was EBF until 6 months when I returned to work but we managed to get her to drink from a cup in the day for my DH when she was at home with her. However, at bedtime and at night she will only accept breastfeeding. I haven't left her in the evenings or at night yet, as if my husband tries to put her to bed or soothe her at night, she will cry (whereas for me she feeds to sleep easily). Personally, I do feel it would be unfair to my DH and my DD to go out in the evening, knowing it's going to be horrible for both of them.

mauvaisereputation · 16/12/2019 20:19

(I mean EBF = exclusively breastfed - I presume this is what the OP means too?)

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