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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is OH - regarding dinner out with girlfriends

225 replies

ChristmasNightOutMeh · 15/12/2019 08:26

NC.
For background baby is 5 months old EBF. (Will sometimes take milk from a bottle or cup). Feeds to sleep at night. Can be hard work in the evenings when she's tired. This is the same if I'm here.

I went out a few weeks ago, wasn't even gone 2 hours before OH called asking when I was coming home because baby had been crying for an hour and nothing would settle her.. when I got home, she was asleep in his arms..

So meant to be going out for dinner with a couple of friends. This will be only the second time I've gone out in an evening and left him with baby.

This morning he's in a mood because "oh that'll be fun for him".

AIBU to leave him for a couple of hours knowing it might be hard work?

More so, I'm annoyed he is making me feel bad and guilty for leaving her, knowing she'll probably cry at some point.

Should I cancel?

OP posts:
morechocolatte · 16/12/2019 20:22

He's being an arse. I exclusively breastfed both our DDs and had gone out for dinners every once in a while since they were about 5 months old. My DH just got on with it, because he's their parent, and found a way to calm them. Do not cancel if you want to go, don't pander to his moods.

peaceanddove · 16/12/2019 21:14

Wrangling an unsettled five month old isn't great fun, but it's hardly the end of the world. Especially if it's only for a couple of hours ffs. If all else failed DH used to pop DD in the car, play some music and go for a drive. Typically she'd nod off within ten minutes.

Sometimes being a parent is really tricky. Who knew Shock

Bluerussian · 16/12/2019 21:17

I think he should be able to manage, it's not like the op is out and about with her friends very often. He just needs to learn how to do the essentials properly which is not rocket science. Watching the op and then a couple of goes under supervision should be adequate training.

likeafishneedsabike · 16/12/2019 21:40

No wonder I was a basket case when DS2 was a baby: I thought that exclusive breast feeding meant you couldn’t leave them without their food source. I thought that was what I’d signed up for! So never left him with his non-lactating father.

Fowles94 · 16/12/2019 21:41

The baby will be okay for 2 hours unfed but any more is not fair on the baby. The dad will survive but I wouldn't want my baby distressed.

likeafishneedsabike · 16/12/2019 22:14

Ah yes, I remember the two hour rule (although I usually took advantage of it during the day). Feed baby to the brim and run off for a couple of hours.

likeafishneedsabike · 16/12/2019 22:16

So, correction. I did leave him, but not really for long enough to eat a meal in a restaurant. Judging by the huge majority of responses on here, I should have done and I might have been more of a functioning human being for it.

Lovely13 · 16/12/2019 23:02

Definitely go ahead out. Even if baby cries for a few hours, he’s not going to be damaged by it. And maybe son and father will learn a few bonding tricks off each other. My ex was amazing with first. Rubbish with second as never went near him. They still have a slightly wobbly relationship. Those first months and years count.

sunshinemode · 17/12/2019 00:06

I don’t know if the partner is being unreasonable or not but would anyone really want their baby left to cry for hours.

Aglet · 17/12/2019 07:40

Tell him to grow some and remind him that the baby is half his.

NearlyGranny · 17/12/2019 07:51

Tell him he'll cope: he's a parent and it's his job to cope. Tell him your phone will be on silent. Tell him to call
you only in an emergency and only AFTER he's dialled 999 for ambulance, fire or police. If he hasn't needed to dial 999 he doesn't need to call you. Tell him you'll be home when you're home.

That should fix it. Have a lovely time!

Zoejj77 · 17/12/2019 07:58

Go at least he realises how hard it is for your ALL the time

Merryoldgoat · 17/12/2019 10:17

@sunshinemode

I know - I find this all a bit baffling.

If your baby is crying because it's hungry, you're its food source and it won't take an alternative, surely you don't go out for hours?

Why on earth would you leave a baby to cry for hours if it's avoidable?

I didn't breastfeed for long so obviously my husband could do a 'full-service' from very early but still, keeping them happy was very much a joint effort.

Winter2020 · 17/12/2019 10:43

Sorry to disagree with almost everyone. You describe your baby as entirely breast fed and will "sometimes" take a bottle or cup. I think if you want to be able to go out you need to be mixed feeding and your baby reliably taking a bottle. How would you like to be asked to look after a baby and you have no reliable means to feed it. If you were asked to look after your baby for 3 or four hours now but are not allowed to breast feed would you not be anxious? I wouldn't like to be left in that situation.

NearlyGranny · 17/12/2019 11:00

Winter2020 Expressed breast milk.

Winter2020 · 17/12/2019 11:00

(Just read the full thread and actually thete are others who agree you shouldn't leave if baby doesn't reliably take a bottle)

Winter2020 · 17/12/2019 11:01

How can the OP mean expressed breast if the baby will only "sometimes" accept a bottle?

Hortuslover · 17/12/2019 11:04

Exclusively breastfed EBF

DappledThings · 17/12/2019 11:22

I also don't think it's as straightforward as some of these threads where the partner is just being a shit. I wouldn't have left either of mine for long if they weren't reliant sleeping and before they were weaned.

DC1 took an occasional bottle by 4 months but never as last one before bed. After he was down I could have gone out till about 11.30. DC2 never took a bottle ever but was also reliably sleeping through till about 12 by 5 months.

But if they were at a stage of still waking early evening I wouldn't have risked leaving them without their primary comfort.

youcancallmequeenE · 17/12/2019 11:28

Do not cancel!

And tell him not to fucking call you or text you to say baby isnt settling.

You don't call him and demand he comes home from work when your baby is miserable do you?

He needs to grow a pair and learn how to deal with a crying baby. The only way he can do that is if you let him.

Basically you have a responsibility to go out and turn off your phone

Devora13 · 17/12/2019 13:28

Sounds like he needs to find a way to relax with her, she's probably feeding off his anxiety. Bit out of touch with these things, but guess you can get baby massage tutorials or similar online?

NichyNoo · 17/12/2019 13:37

Can't believe you're even asking! Go out, have a drink and switch your phone off! The baby will eventually fall asleep as proven by your last night out. He is just as capable of winding, cuddling, rocking a baby. You don't need breasts for that.

Aridane · 17/12/2019 14:12

Tell him to grow some

Unfortunately for EBF baby, DH has balls not boobs -

TheReef · 17/12/2019 14:27

So he leaves you home alone with the baby 3/4 nights a week and us moaning about you going out for the second time in months.

Do not cancel

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 17/12/2019 15:31

TWO HOURS! ...ffs woman you will give yourself indigestion bolting your meal!

I posted earlier thinking it was going to be a late one, but really TWO HOURS...your baby is not going to starve in two hours and you must make it perfectly plain that no matter what, he is not to phone you at all that evening
He is being incredibly selfish if he does anything other than send you off with a smile and a wave.

Do not have any more children until he can manage the one you both have!

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