Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIbu .. Woman contacting my husband?

224 replies

Awfullyconfusedwhat · 01/07/2018 22:24

Just trying to get your perspective. I've been married 17 years and have two kids.
My husband has taken up cycling and has joined a club. My daughter was on his phone and noticed he has two texts with a woman asking if he was going for the cyclists drink and then another saying.. I'm getting a bike , do you fancy doing my training programme? I've noticed before that she has commented on the clubs posts saying she can't wait to go out for a drink with them to see my husband dancing
He hasn't replied but I texted her back pointing out the fact that my daughter had seen the message ( true) and that it probably wasn't too appropriate to be asking for my husband's services when he had family and commitments.
Some of my friends think I've done the right thing but AIBU? Dreading seeing her at the school playground!

OP posts:
InspectorIkmen · 01/07/2018 22:26

I think you’ve overstepped the mark here. You can’t be answering texts on your husband’s phone ffs! Does he know?

TheGreatestHo · 01/07/2018 22:27

Eeeee I probably would have spoke to him about it first

GreenMeerkat · 01/07/2018 22:29

I think you've been a bit unreasonable yes. Your husband hasn't text her back so I'm sure is more than capable of letting her down his own way. You may have now made things awkward and uncomfortable for him at his cycling club too.

Cheesecake53 · 01/07/2018 22:30

I would have done the same, OP. I would never ever text that to a married man.

WonderfulWonders · 01/07/2018 22:30

If my DH did that to someone who had texted me, I'd actually reconsider our relationship.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/07/2018 22:31

You don't own him. I would hate this, you either trust your husband or you don't - if he's faithful to you then it doesn't matter if the women is the most desirable woman in the world, he won't cheat on you.

The way you're going, you're at risk of pushing your husband away. You daughter needs to be more respectful too, it's out of order to read somebody else's texts and I'm sure she wouldn't like it herself.

ButterChickenwithyellowrice · 01/07/2018 22:31

You have totally humiliated him. I wouldn't forgive you easily if it was me (as a cyclist who cycles with both men and women and even goes away for weekends to compete with men!)

IrregularCommentary · 01/07/2018 22:31

I would be really pissed off if my dh replied to someone I was having a conversation with, from my phone, or without speaking to me first.

I think yabu and have massively overstepped the mark. I'd find it really disrespectful if I were your dh.

User467 · 01/07/2018 22:31

Sorry I think YABU. I don't think there's anything inappropriate in those messages.

Allabitmuchisntit · 01/07/2018 22:32

She’s getting a bike? So she’s not a member of the cycling club yet?

ButterChickenwithyellowrice · 01/07/2018 22:32

If my DH did that to someone who had texted me, I'd actually reconsider our relationship.

Actually so would 1.

Kelsoooo · 01/07/2018 22:33

Wow. So far over the line, you can't even see it now.

And that's you OP, not the woman from his club asking perfectly normal, friendly questions.

But way to model to your DD that men and women can only be talking to each other if one, or the other, or indeed both, want an intimate presumably sexual relationship

Lord.....

Itchyknees · 01/07/2018 22:33

Hmm. On the one hand it’s a bit OTT but on the other she won’t go anywhere near him now.

comedycentral · 01/07/2018 22:33

I can't believe you did that without speaking to him. It's up to him to manage his relationships with people. You sound a little bit controlling actually.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 01/07/2018 22:34

I think ywbu too.

Replying to his message (which he obviously wasn't bothered about since he didn't reply and he also allowed you and dd to go through his phone) was completely over the line.

ShotsFired · 01/07/2018 22:34

What would you have done if the texts were from a man?

I think you've way overstepped too, sorry.

Kelsoooo · 01/07/2018 22:34

Oh and yes, if my DH texted somebody back from my phone, in that manner without my prior consent....I'd be livid and as PPs have said, be reconsidering the relationship.

And I'm already teaching my DD not to look over shoulders as people are using their phones, because it's rude. I'd be fuming if she took it upon herself to read messages properly.

Limpopobongo · 01/07/2018 22:35

Sorry OP but your claws came out a bit too quickly there and its understandable but with 20/20 hindsight you should have kept your powder dry and kept watch.

You need to have a conversation about your actions with your DP.

As it happens, i know of a married woman who regularly cycles with a male friend. They have even attended cycling events together. They are just good friends,,honestly.. i can understand your thoughts though.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/07/2018 22:35

Your daughter wouldn't be having access to my phone again either; you neither. I'd be very angry that you'd thought you had the right to police my friendships this way.

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 01/07/2018 22:35

I’m so embarrassed for you.

Why on earth did you do that? She only asked for help with a training plan.

There was nothing inappropriate for your daughter to see, I’m seriously cringing for you. I would go mental if my husband did that to me

ShesSoUnusual · 01/07/2018 22:35

I would not have been happy about the messages she sent, but I wouldn't have replied on my DH's behalf. I think you've possibly made a bit of a fool of yourself there. I would have insisted on DH sending a text back shutting it down though and I might have made some kind of shitty comment at school, so that she knew he'd shown me and that I was onto her.

steppingonIego · 01/07/2018 22:36

Has your husband given you any reason to Suspect he would stray ?

Original poster
Awfullyconfusedwhat · 01/07/2018 22:36

I texted her back on my own number and spoke to him first about how upset I was.
The texts popped up on his phone when my daughter was having a shower.
There was no conversation as he hadn't replied or contacted her. It was just requests on her part about meeting for drinks or personal training.
Going for competitions is entirely different from asking another woman's husband if they fancy meeting for a drink or to be their personal trainer , I would have thought ..

OP posts:
Itchyknees · 01/07/2018 22:36

Marmalade she hasn’t even got a bike yet! She’s clearly angling for a bit o’ cock.

henpeckedinchief · 01/07/2018 22:37

YWBU to text her back, yes. The content of her messages doesn't sound at all inappropriate tbh and it was a pretty controlling thing to do.