AIbu .. Woman contacting my husband?

[Awfullyconfusedwhat]

Just trying to get your perspective. I've been married 17 years and have two kids.
My husband has taken up cycling and has joined a club. My daughter was on his phone and noticed he has two texts with a woman asking if he was going for the cyclists drink and then another saying.. I'm getting a bike , do you fancy doing my training programme? I've noticed before that she has commented on the clubs posts saying she can't wait to go out for a drink with them to see my husband dancing
He hasn't replied but I texted her back pointing out the fact that my daughter had seen the message ( true) and that it probably wasn't too appropriate to be asking for my husband's services when he had family and commitments.
Some of my friends think I've done the right thing but AIBU? Dreading seeing her at the school playground!

So was he ok with you texting her!?

Can your OH behave like the adult he is? Has he given you any reason to doubt him in the 17 years you've been with him? If you had spoken to him about it would he have responded appropriately? Ultimately, do you trust him?
If you answered yes to these questions then YABU. Massively. I feel sorry for your OH.

What does your DH think about it?

Personally, I would not have replied for DH but I'd also be unhappy with the messages.

Unless your DH us the cycle club trainer??

There's no excuse and you've put yourself in the wrong, highlighted your insecurities - based on nothing.

You don't get to control a spouse's friendships; if this is a friendship then what gives you the right? You just sound like an insecure person who behaves like a 'guard dog'. Not your job and that's not a marriage, not in my book.

I wouldn’t worry. We seem to all have to have secret lives from one another according to most of the responses here. It’s just a txt.

She didn't ask your husband to be her personal trainer though... she asked him if he would do her training plan.

Op you really over reacted here and have embarrassed yourself and your husband.

He's an adult, he could have replied himself and said he had family commitments and couldn't manage it.

Going for competitions is entirely different from asking another woman's husband if they fancy meeting for a drink or to be their personal trainer

I also think this message is you trying to justify yourself tbh. She didn't ask him out for a drink according to your original post, she talked about going out for a drink with the group and seeing your husband dance - on a public forum. That sounds totally normal and friendly and not at all flirtatious tbh. And asking him for help with training is not unusual for a club, especially if he is friendly / approachable. My FIL is part of a cycling club and has loads of other members, male and female, asking him for advice by text or phone. And they even socialise sometimes My MIL doesn't bat an eyelid at it, because she trusts my FIL and knows it's normal and my inappropriate.

Not inappropriate that should say!

You sound possessive and controlling. In fact if she is gunning for your Dh she might well think she's in with a chance !!
Did you answer as him or tell her it was his wife texting on his phone ?

How was your daughter on his phone while she was also in the shower?

This seems quite an overreaction - which makes me wonder if he’s had a previous indiscretion??

I think you’re bang out of order actually! Talk to your husband and let him deal with it.

Going against the tide here but I do think she was over friendly, esp with the comments on social media. I would be feeling similarly threatened.

I probably wouldn’t have done quite the same, would have chatted it thru with DH and had him respond, but if I were you I would chat with your DH about what’s occurred and why you felt threatened and own it.

I’m cringing on your behalf. You sound a nightmare. If my husband did anything like that to me.......::::: I would be fucking livid!

Men and women can be friends.

Yeah, you’ve made a tit out of yourself.

Completely out of order on your part. You sound controlling, jealous and insecure.

You’re checking your husbands text messages and then respond back. Out of order. Marriage is based on trust and respect. I’d be really pissed off with you.

Men can have female friends without wanting to run off with them.

Oh and then be very genuinely nice to her at the school drop.

I think it was silly - it would have been far more effective if he agreed with you for him to just message her and say it’s not appropriate.

I suspect somewhere out there a women with an interest in cycling is telling a story about "poor Mr Awfully and his crazy controlling wife". Oops.

My friends husband has just done my training programme- shit we must be having an affair.

Nothing wrong at all with nipping this shit in the bud, OP.
She was only ever after one thing.'Fancy meeting for drinks?' You best believe you needed to police that friendship.
You can't worry about 'humiliating poor DH'.
How did she even get his number in the first place? He needs to explain that.
You've made a fool of yourself? Really?
She's the fool here, not you.

Mortified for you

You have been completely unreasonable.