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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was done on purpose by SIL

205 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 17/02/2018 08:23

Was FILs 60th birthday party last night and SIL had done a photo board and DH had sorted out the music play list. We get to the venue and DHs aunt is looking at the photo board, I hear her say Chocy has been completely missed out, she then turns, sees me and says I think you might be a bit upset.
There are pictures of FIL, MIL, SIL, grandchild and other friends and relatives but not one of me.

There were lots of pictures of mine and DHs wedding but they are all pictures taken with their family and friends during the course of the day that do not have me on, there are even pictures of DH with DS Just after he was born but none with me on.

I have been married to DH for 13 years so been part of the family for a long time.

DH noticed and said he was going to say something but I said to not bother as the party was happening and nothing could be done. He said he was going to have a word today with SIL.

Anyone half way through the party FIL seems to notice and comes over and gives me a hug and says he is sorry and he does not know what SIL was thinking.
My and SIL do have a backgroung, she ran out screaming and crying when we got engaged, tried to get DH to leave it wedding reception to sit outside with her as she was feeling a bit ill. There has been loads of other stuff and I am thinking this has got to have been done on purpose.
DH is going to have strong words but I know she will just say it was a mistake

OP posts:
WindowsSmindows · 17/02/2018 08:26

Of course it was deliberate but I wouldn't do or say anything.
She sounds pathetic and quite clearly mad.
Don't engage with her behaviours, laugh at them.
It isn't a battle between two equal opponents so don't act like or is our you'll give fuel to her fire.
It's a loser trying to drag you down into the trenches, don't react.
Rise above.

Namechangetempissue · 17/02/2018 08:28

She sounds dreadfully jealous -but on the plus side, the rest of the family noticed, apologied and think it was a shit thing to do and they seem to really care about you.
She has made herself look a total dick, not you.

Namechangetempissue · 17/02/2018 08:29

Oh and to add, I wouldn't say anything either. She will cry and attention seek. Don't give her the satisfaction of giving a shit.

Troels · 17/02/2018 08:30

She sounds immature, it was done on purpose. Ignore ignore ignore. The family already know whats she's like.

Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 17/02/2018 08:30

I know she was the one that looked bad. I have again asked DH not to say anything as she will be expecting this to cause a drama. I think not saying anything will really piss her off and she will wonder if I even noticed. She was not there when I looked at it the first time and made sure I did not go back to look

OP posts:
FittonTower · 17/02/2018 08:30

Sounds like it probably was done on purpose. Does it bother you? My SIL is a bit odd and this is just the sort of thing she'd do, it doesn't really bother me tho - I know my in-laws love me, I know everyone knows she's a strange one and is prone to dramatics/passive aggressive photo collage-ing. It's just her, she dislikes me, there's not a lot I or anyone can do and I'm happy it's not really about me.
If it does bother you, and you think it will make a difference then let your husband speak to her. I know how exhausting this stuff can be so I hope you enjoyed the party!

MrsSunflower · 17/02/2018 08:33

Definitely deliberate. My SIL has form for this sort of thing too and on FILs 60th birthday, left my name off a joint gift that DH, siblings and I bought....which then meant that it looked as though I’d turned up for a birthday weekend with no gift. I’ve been with DH for 11 years so not exactly fly by night! Try and ignore her silly behaviour. Easier said than done I know but given your FIL and other family members noticed, she’s the one that looks like an arse for missing you off the photo board...

Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 17/02/2018 08:34

Most of the family know what she is like but my MIL always sticks up for her. They are like two peas in a pod and I suspect they are both narcissists.

My FIL will not say anything in front of them because anything for a quiet life, in the past when he has stuck up for me or DH then my MIL and SIL have made his life hell

OP posts:
Madonnasmum · 17/02/2018 08:36

That is terrible and you have every right to be upset. Agree with pp, ignore her. Everyone can see what she did, and she looks the idiot. If it makes you feel any better my SIL insists on 'family' pictures when the whole bunch meet up, but it always happens when I've left the room. I see the photos once they've been printed out and I think WTF and giggle to myself. I just think some SIL cannot bear the thought of another female in their DB's life. Weirdos.

SchoolMoney · 17/02/2018 08:36

She sounds like a brat. Hopefully you got a photo with FIL on the night that can be displayed in one of your homes. Not that I think that would make her pout oh no...

Arapaima · 17/02/2018 08:37

What a nasty thing to do! It seems to me that it must have been deliberate.

Globetrotter100 · 17/02/2018 08:37

So she's just showcased her weird bitter jealousy thing for you....literally showcased it on a notice board at a big family occasion....all the lovely family have noticed and proactively addressed it with you suggesting she's out of her mind?

I know this must have stung you, and it's a petty, bitchy, unpleasant thing for her to have done, but I really do pity her Sad

Foodylicious · 17/02/2018 08:37

I think you should send FIL an extra present.
A beautifully framed photo of your little family to display proudly somewhere SIL will have to look at it every time she goes round Smile

Toast3 · 17/02/2018 08:38

She sounds unhinged. Her actions say more about her than you..
she embarrassed herself - what a petty thing to do!

TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 17/02/2018 08:39

'Oh, no I didn't notice.' will drive her crazy. All her hard work excluding you for nothing.

Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 17/02/2018 08:41

I would send a picture but we have done this in the past and they have not been put up. My MIL takes charge of what goes up in the house which is why there is a huge picture of my SIL graduating in the main longue, our tiny wedding picture which is a 6” by 4” is hidden at the back on the conservatory. Incidentally my DH has graduated twice once with a degree and once with an MA but no picture of him.
There is also picture of SILs DS all over the place but only a tiny one of our DS

OP posts:
MrsSunflower · 17/02/2018 08:45

Chocy, sounds as though out SILs and MILs could be the same. We have exactly the same situ here too with the family dynamics/ hysteria and “let’s make sure SIL is ok” rather than addressing her brat behaviour and I could talk about various scenarios for days..... I do think that mine is actually unhappy and jealous of what I have with DH. Not an excuse for her by any means as I’ve been on the wrong side of it for years but it does make you look at the behaviour from a different perspective and is therefore easier to ignore. Good luck!

expertonnothing · 17/02/2018 08:46

I feel like I've read this before on here...

Just ignore it OP. Your SIL doesn't sound very nice

Namechangetempissue · 17/02/2018 08:46

Thinking about it, it is just really feeble and sad isn't it? How embarrassing for her to be openly such a jealous twat. Just laugh at her. So you were not on a photo board...is that the worst she can do? The most inventive "slight" she can think of? Let her get on with it.

LokiBear · 17/02/2018 08:50

It's awful behaviour from your sil, but, the upside is that her family have decided her behaviour is unacceptable without you having to say a word. They've rallied around you. All she has achieved is disappointing them and making herself look bad. I'd smile and ride it out. Let her dig herself a hole.

SundaysFunday · 17/02/2018 08:52

This was obviously deliberate and SIL is clearly threatened by you. I would give FIL a lovely framed photo of you (and him) possibly with DH & DS as a gift, making sure he knows you have enjoyed being his DIL and knowing him for the last 13 years.

I wouldn't get DH to talk to SIL, but rather have a quiet word with his DM, explaining how she favours SIL, pointing out what SIL did and saying if they continue to exclude you family relationships will deteriorate and your family won't be attending as many family events etc.

SIL was obviously involved in the planning of FIL 60th, and she obviously provides the photos of herself to be put on display.

GnotherGnu · 17/02/2018 08:53

At most, all your husband should say to her is that she made herself look ridiculous because it was so blatantly obvious to everyone what she had done.

NurseryFightClub · 17/02/2018 09:00

Tell every one to ignore it, she's a drama llama.
Her issues don't let them become yours

Outlookmainlyfair · 17/02/2018 09:08

Of course it was on purpose, but it sounds like she was digging herself a hole. How lovely that your FIL noticed and commented and it’s is clear that others are on your side.
The only way to deal with it is to ignore!

NataliaOsipova · 17/02/2018 09:11

She sounds like a piece of work! Plus - what an amateurish attempt. She should have at least found a couple of unflattering photos of you to stick in there. A lot more subtle and actually probably more likely to annoy you, but wouldn't have made her look totally ridiculous in everyone else's eyes Grin

At least you have the moral high ground here. Just ignore her.....