Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was done on purpose by SIL

205 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 17/02/2018 08:23

Was FILs 60th birthday party last night and SIL had done a photo board and DH had sorted out the music play list. We get to the venue and DHs aunt is looking at the photo board, I hear her say Chocy has been completely missed out, she then turns, sees me and says I think you might be a bit upset.
There are pictures of FIL, MIL, SIL, grandchild and other friends and relatives but not one of me.

There were lots of pictures of mine and DHs wedding but they are all pictures taken with their family and friends during the course of the day that do not have me on, there are even pictures of DH with DS Just after he was born but none with me on.

I have been married to DH for 13 years so been part of the family for a long time.

DH noticed and said he was going to say something but I said to not bother as the party was happening and nothing could be done. He said he was going to have a word today with SIL.

Anyone half way through the party FIL seems to notice and comes over and gives me a hug and says he is sorry and he does not know what SIL was thinking.
My and SIL do have a backgroung, she ran out screaming and crying when we got engaged, tried to get DH to leave it wedding reception to sit outside with her as she was feeling a bit ill. There has been loads of other stuff and I am thinking this has got to have been done on purpose.
DH is going to have strong words but I know she will just say it was a mistake

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 18/02/2018 18:34

I know. I know. I commented on a thread about parents, who were so in denial about their child abusing son, who’d been let out of prison (ops bil iirc), that the op was treated abysmally for refusing to let their children go anywhere near that person. It was an eye opener. I do appreciate it will never change. Unfortunately my sub conscious isn’t quite there yet.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/02/2018 18:36

Sersioulycanitget
Looks like they have no respect for you either Angry

DagenhamRoundhouse · 18/02/2018 18:39

She sounds unhinged. Don't give her any attention. It's what she wants.

Tistheseason17 · 18/02/2018 18:44

Ooh, your SIL is off the scale!
Ignoring her is working a treat- great job!
Really pleased your DH is supportive!

whoareyoukidding · 18/02/2018 18:48

Why do you continue to visit your in-laws or invite them to your place, choky? I too had/have a vile SIL and I went nc with her and my 'D' B. It didn't bother me but it did upset me how they treated my mum, who only wanted to be involved in the lives of her grandchildren. But they wouldn't let her even see her GC. And mum had done nothing wrong.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 18:51

Op I had not seen your last update, brilliant Grin

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 18:52

mummy no not at all!!

RandomMess · 18/02/2018 18:53

What is most awful is that MIL seems complicit in it all Sad

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 18:58

I think some mils see dil as competition to their daughter. Also if its a narc scapegoat golden child scenario there is no chance for dil

Oldieandgoldie · 18/02/2018 19:08

I love Rudi’s message!

Maybe get him to say, oh it didn't bother us in the least but I just thought I would let you know that a lot of people noticed and spoke to us and were shocked you had been so petty.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/02/2018 19:15

Oh lordy, I do hope that your SIL gets rejected for adoption. The thought of a little girl thrusted into a situation of being touted and paraded as the girl that her brother and sister in law dont have, feels me with dread.

I'd write to adoption agency, both you and your DH. Make it clear that she is a narcissist, never spends time with her own bio child and only wants a girl because her brother doesnt have one.

I'd imagine that she'd be the scapegoat, against the second coming that is her DS.

lilypoppet · 18/02/2018 19:17

Of course it was deliberate, my SIL would have done the same. But be the better person and ignore it.

Pearlsaringer · 18/02/2018 19:24

I love the idea of getting MIL framed photos of you all for her Christmas/birthday presents until the end of time. Lovely, smiley family pics, you and your doting DH gazing into each other’s eyes. Bigger and bigger pictures every year, till she can’t move for them. And if you can take a ‘candid’ photo of SIL at your next family event, none too flattering, gobful of food etc, and add that to the collection so much the better.

Ginburee · 18/02/2018 19:26

I can totally appreciate how crappy it made you feel but agree that sometimes you have to turn the other cheek.
The MIL and dil will be aware as I am sure fil will have mentioned it to one of them. And good for him to acknowledge it. All I can say is that their dislike of you is probably because they see things in you that they wished they had themselves and are just bitter, jealous and twisted. They are projecting it on you and in this instance have made their true colours quite obvious.
My mother and I did a photo board for my father's funeral and tried to put photos of my dad with people that loved him and tried to include people we knew were coming to the funeral. Even though we don't like some of them and rolled our eyes in private we added them because that is what you do.
Carry on and be yourself. Xxx

manicmij · 18/02/2018 19:30

Know just how you feel. Had something similar but it was both me and husband (son of fil). Yes, deliberate. Didn't say anything at time but did raise it when saw POL next time. Why did sil do this. Wanted them to get to bottom of it as it was FILs party and their daughter who had ignored their son. Not really bothered I wasn't included but wanted an answer about husband. Never heard about it from them. Husband just basically had as little contact with family from then on. Nothing lost really.

GlomOfNit · 18/02/2018 19:37

Heh, there are NO photos that include me or my SIL's husband in the many family snaps and portraits on display at my PIL's house. Grin I used to be hurt about it because once you had a look around, it was fairly obvious. As if the people their DC had chosen to marry had been erased from their view of the world.

But hey, it's their house and their mindset. There are lots of my beautiful DC. I know they don't really like me or, I suspect, my SIL's husband, so why would they want us hanging on the walls? As I am occasionally heard to mumble during family events, I was only the bloody vessel for their grandchildren ... I try to let it roll off me.

sunshine11 · 18/02/2018 19:39

Awful behaviour from MIL and SIL.

I’ve gone NC with my dm and ds for these sorts of shenanigans. When I got engaged and showed my dm my ring the first thing she said “don’t show your sis she’ll be upset”. This is just one example of many things that make me realise it was a toxic relationship.

Just smile and rise above it. You have your family and she is probably extremely jealous hence her stupid behaviour.

Maidofastolat30744 · 18/02/2018 19:40

This reminds me of when SIL sent DH a 40th birthday card she had made, it was A4 size, many pages with photos of him as son, brother, nephew, father, uncle etc. But not one photo of him as husband with me!

He was livid, his mother tried to come out with a million reasons why it was acceptable, it clearly was not.

She has previous for this kind of thing, but even so I was very upset, as were all our friends when they saw it.

I do wonder what drives people to do this type of thing.

GrooovyLass · 18/02/2018 19:43

I love the idea of getting MIL framed photos of you all for her Christmas/birthday presents until the end of time. Lovely, smiley family pics, you and your doting DH gazing into each other’s eyes.

^^ this!

user1485851222 · 18/02/2018 19:43

My husbands family, gave him a picture frame filled with his grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, sibling, cousins, partners of siblings & cousins, for his birthday. Asked for pics off me. One of the 2 of us, was used, but didn't use the one of hubby and my son, his step-son who he has brought up for 16 yrs. A group photo from before I knew him, which included his ex-wife.... mmmmmmm. It's now hanging up in kitchen....

ConcernedDottir · 18/02/2018 19:47

How vile. Yes definitely done on purpose. But do you know what..? Other people noticed, and showed to you they cared. Whenever they think of that photo collection now, it won't be "and wasn't it funny to see great aunt mabels colourful hat collection" but "oh yes, that's the one where evil sister in law tried to edit out choccy - how awful"

KendalMintCakey · 18/02/2018 19:50

my husband family do this. His (vile) Mother puts a million photos up of his sister's kids and zero of ours. I sometimes wonder if it's cause he (hubby is her Xs but then so is his sister. Sister lost custody of her eldest to her X. (Actually that would crucify me).

LaSorpresa · 18/02/2018 21:02

I’d have been tempted to do a big thumbs-up selfie with the photo collage and stick it on Fbook or summat. Grin

Jux · 18/02/2018 21:04

I'm sorry you're stuck with this silly mare, but very glad neither of you said anything and that dh didn't even admit to looking. Much better to leave them feeling dissatisfied and that you didn't even notice the slight.

I really do think you should try to scupper the adoption, not through pettiness or revenge, but because a child already scarred will have even less of a chance at a good life if they are placed with SIL.

KendalMintCakey · 18/02/2018 21:14

Has she mental health problems?