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Original poster

To think this was done on purpose by SIL

205 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 17/02/2018 08:23

Was FILs 60th birthday party last night and SIL had done a photo board and DH had sorted out the music play list. We get to the venue and DHs aunt is looking at the photo board, I hear her say Chocy has been completely missed out, she then turns, sees me and says I think you might be a bit upset.
There are pictures of FIL, MIL, SIL, grandchild and other friends and relatives but not one of me.

There were lots of pictures of mine and DHs wedding but they are all pictures taken with their family and friends during the course of the day that do not have me on, there are even pictures of DH with DS Just after he was born but none with me on.

I have been married to DH for 13 years so been part of the family for a long time.

DH noticed and said he was going to say something but I said to not bother as the party was happening and nothing could be done. He said he was going to have a word today with SIL.

Anyone half way through the party FIL seems to notice and comes over and gives me a hug and says he is sorry and he does not know what SIL was thinking.
My and SIL do have a backgroung, she ran out screaming and crying when we got engaged, tried to get DH to leave it wedding reception to sit outside with her as she was feeling a bit ill. There has been loads of other stuff and I am thinking this has got to have been done on purpose.
DH is going to have strong words but I know she will just say it was a mistake

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/02/2018 11:55

Of course it was deliberate but I wouldn't do or say anything.
She sounds pathetic and quite clearly mad.
Don't engage with her behaviours, laugh at them.

THIS ^ - what Windows says.

This is exactly the sort of thing my sisters do - they did similar to me at my Dad's funeral. Everybody mentioned, eneverybody in the pictures except yours truly (I'm no oil painting, but honestly - I wouldn't frighten the mourners).

When they went on afterwards about "lovely funeral" (it wasn't - arsehole vicar got the name wrong) and "lovely wake" etc, I just agreed and said - "Mind - I didn't realise you were so frightened of the competition. You obviously left me out because I would have eclipsed you. Hahahahaha" (Though I didn't feel like laughing and had spent an evening crying about it)

Do NOT let her see she has scored a hit. She sounds a witch.

GabsAlot · 17/02/2018 11:55

wow what a piece of work

for what its worth you sound like a good person op rise above it and if she formally applies for adoption tell them even anonymously what really goes on in that house

CheeseGirl4 · 17/02/2018 12:00

I disagree with the passive 'rise above it, it will bother her more approach'. I don't think she does do it for the drama, she does it to win.

Every little dig she makes which goes unchallenged is a win, every time she's allowed to get away with piss-poor behaviour is a win. People who behave like this get away with it simply because nobody ever challenges them.

I'm not saying that needs to be you, or it needs to be on this occasion, but her behaviour will never stop if you ignore it.

endofthelinefinally · 17/02/2018 12:04

Obviously SIL will be doing all the care for her mother when she gets old.
You will owe her nothing.

YouOKHun · 17/02/2018 12:12

So she's just showcased her weird bitter jealousy thing for you....literally showcased it on a notice board at a big family occasion

^ this! And other comments of the same ilk. She’s made a fool of herself and now you need to make it clear you ‘didn’t notice’ and laugh it off. That will have much more power than tackling her direct and letting her know it was upsetting. What a brat she is.

Piffle11 · 17/02/2018 12:13

Oh that's very mean ... but at least now she's shown her true colours! My college boyf was very close to his sister: when they were together she was all over him, to a ridiculous level. When people saw them together on campus they thought he was cheating on me! Once we were all going to the theatre and her 'date' turned out to be an ex of my BF: she walked in with this woman and said 'oh, I forgot, you two used to shag, didn't you?' !!! And if you went to MIL's house you wouldn't know I existed ... there's not one photo of me anywhere (yet she claims to like me). The photos of our wedding are of MIL and her DH, my DH and his best man, BIL and his family ... even her DNieces and DNephews. We've been together 12 years.

Piffle11 · 17/02/2018 12:14

@CheeseGirl4 I agree. Shut her down once and for all.

theunsure · 17/02/2018 12:18

I'd ignore her but plot your revenge.
At the next family gathering that is about her, make sure to arrange something to upstage her.

Or I'd make a lovely collage pic of absolutely every single other person in the family including any pets but leaving her out and either make it into a Christmas card or get copies made for everyone including her as a gift.
I love a bit of silent revenge!

gottachangethename1 · 17/02/2018 12:21

I agree with ignoring. My sil has been causing misery amongst my ils and they are buying into her drama. I always make sure I am extra friendly towards her (knowing she has slagged me off to others) just because I refuse to let her have all the attention her silly behaviour brings. It infuriates her, but she can’t do anything about it.

diddl · 17/02/2018 12:34

" “I want a girl because you don’t have one” "

Thatis vicious!

I agree that it's best to say nothing.

I mean she can choose whatever pics she wants to give as a present, as anyone can.

MIL sounds just as bad though.

Oldraver · 17/02/2018 12:37

OlGA omg photoshopping you out..Shock

I thought my MIL was bad enough cutting me out was bad enough. SIL kept gatecrashing our photos...as in the photographer was trying to get you know shots of the newlyweds when SIL would sidle up and link arms with DH. One of these shots DH is leaning his head toward mine, my veil is blowing all over and SIL is on the side.

So when MIL chopped me off there is this odd picture of him and SIL with his head angled away from her and my white veil all over the shop. I wa sangry at first but just laugh about it now

Namastethefuckawayfromme · 17/02/2018 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Namechangetempissue · 17/02/2018 12:41

Thing is, you can't shut someone like that down. They don't get it. She will cry, claim bullying, become suicidal/have panic attacks, act dramatically at family events. She will love the attention telling her off brings. She WANTS a reaction. Who screams and sobs and runs away at an engagement announcement? Its all about the drama. Ignoring every feeble dig (and they are feeble) is the best thing you can do. Let her get on with it, if the worst she can do is leave you out of a photo board then that's just laughable.

Namastethefuckawayfromme · 17/02/2018 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/02/2018 12:53

Exactly. Her behaviour will never stop at all, regardless of whether the OP ignores it or tries to fight it - because the SIL has always ruled the roost, backed to the hilt by her mother.

There is no winner here - just a lot of losers, and more potential losers if the OP takes the fight on.

Ignoring it is the only way forward, because she doesn't get the drama she's looking for.

MissEliza · 17/02/2018 12:54

I get treated like this and while I keep my mouth shut, I'd be happy if my dh said something about it. I understand you wanting to avoid confrontations but your SIL really needs to know that you are your dh's closest family, not her and you are his priority.

IggyAce · 17/02/2018 13:14

I agree ignore don't give her the attention she craves.
I'd be tempted this year to have a family photo shoot (you, DH and ds perhaps even dn) I'd get a lovely shot of you, DH & ds together and one of ds & dn together. I would get them put onto canvas a3 or a big bigger is a reasonable size and give them as gifts to mil & fil and sil. I would tell extended family all about the beautiful photo gifts so they ask where they are or to see them if mil tries to hide them.

MissEliza · 17/02/2018 13:20

Iggy we did this when our dcs are little and I have just realised the canvas we gave to MIL is no longer there! Also I remember my df actually gave my db and SIL a picture of my baby dd in a beautiful frame. Next time I visited, I saw the photo had been replaced in the frame with one of db and SIL! My dps told be not to make a big deal about it Hmm. It's just so pathetic and petty!

Motoko · 17/02/2018 13:30

I like what ReanimatedSGB suggested.

I agree with PP saying, ignore the silly bitch. Don't feed the drama llama. Actually, whenever you see her, practice a sweet but patronizing smile, just for her (say to yourself silently something like 'There you are, you mad twat, and don't you look particularly fuckwitted today?')

ittakes2 · 17/02/2018 13:43

She sounds terrible and jealous unfort - but the fact her dad is giving you a hug and apologising for his daughter and the aunt sounds like she cares about you too... I think you seem a much loved family member and it’s you that has the upper hand.

JuneBuggy · 17/02/2018 14:26

OP, like many others on here, I could have written a very similar post! Your SIL & MIL sound just like mine - SIL is irresponsible, narcissistic and brattish. MIL excuses it and snaps at anyone, including FIL, who dares to suggest SIL’s behaviour is unacceptable because “SIL is stressed / lonely / tired / [insert other ridiculous excuse for being an utter twat here]”

Like I suspect your SIL is, mine is jealous - DH has the stable job, partner, family, mortgage, etc. and is younger than her - she seems to believe she should have had all of that first despite never having a serious relationship.

I stopped letting her upset me years ago. Now DH and I grit our teeth whilst around her and laugh about what a silly person she is later Smile

Either way, your SIL has accidentally shown her true colours by trying to upset you - her whole family now know how petty she is so it’s a win really!

Original poster
Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 17/02/2018 15:40

Well we took the high ground and did not say anything. About half an hour ago MIL rang to speak to DH. About half way through the conversation she asked if either of us had looked at the photo board. DH replied no we did not have time with doing the music and speaking to friends and family eh. He said MIL sounded gutted, thinking her and SIL were in it together now

OP posts:
SootyandMathew · 17/02/2018 15:48

Good woman. And don't plan a revenge either. Keep the high ground, you don't need to bring yourself down to their level.

problembottom · 17/02/2018 15:55

That's horrible. You definitely handled it the right way, you'll have driven them mad with the lack of reaction.

My SIL can be very rude, she once came to visit our home with DP's family and very pointedly blanked me the whole time. No-one said anything to her! Whenever DP mentions her cuntiness to PILs they say the poor lamb is VERY busy as if that excuses it. True, she's a head teacher with teenagers, very busy indeed, but DP has a ridiculously busy and stressful job flying here there and everywhere and he manages not to be a twat.

CommanderShepard · 17/02/2018 16:00

My SIL is not dissimilar. Well done you for not rising to the bait.