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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex didn't return kids.

190 replies

AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 16:48

So kids where due back to me at 3, when they did not come by 3:30 I rang my ex to find at what he was playing at and he told me he tought as I changed pickup arragements on friday that from now own I would be driving the 2hrs to pick them up.

I am furioius, what can I do to make him bring them back.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 11/02/2018 16:50

What arrangements changed on Friday?

Do you have a court agreement or is just a private arrangement? If it's court ordered is there anything in it about pick up and drop off?

DullAndOld · 11/02/2018 16:50

what a shit.
Can you get there at all?
Could someone help you get there?

DorisDangleberry · 11/02/2018 16:51

What did you change on Friday?

UpstartCrow · 11/02/2018 16:53

Phone the police non emergency number.

gobbynorthernbird · 11/02/2018 16:53

Unless it's court ordered that he returns them, you may have to go collect them.

What happened on Friday?

gobbynorthernbird · 11/02/2018 16:54

Phone the police, Upstart? Do you have knowledge that the children are at risk?

Original poster
AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 16:54

It used to be that would meet half way and do the exchange. Court order was from when we where in the same town so only says to he has the kids from friday at 2 till sunday at 3.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 11/02/2018 16:54

Phone the police non emergency number.

Unless there's court ordered return or the kids are in some sort of danger the police won't get involved.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 16:55

I’m not sure you can make him (no idea what the police are meant to do).

I know it’s a shit but are you able to do the journey? I’m assuming he picked them up?

Could you ask him to meet you half way?

Skittlesss · 11/02/2018 16:55

The Police can't do anything - he's committed no criminal offence. Assuming he is their biological father/on birth cert.

lovetheway · 11/02/2018 16:55

DONT phone the police. If he has parental responsibility and the children are safe, there is nothing they can do.
If you are worried about their welfare, they could do a safe and well check. But they will not remove the children unless they are at risk of harm.

lalalalyra · 11/02/2018 16:56

It used to be that would meet half way and do the exchange. Court order was from when we where in the same town so only says to he has the kids from friday at 2 till sunday at 3.

So, what changed? Did he come and collect them rather than half way?

If there's nothing in the court order about who is to return them then your choices are likely to be - go and fetch them, appeal to his better nature or go to court (not sure how urgently they'd see you) and get it ordered that he brings them back.

DullAndOld · 11/02/2018 16:56

agree do NOT phone the police there will be very little they can do.

Yukbuck · 11/02/2018 16:58

What did you change on Friday?

Lostin3dspace · 11/02/2018 16:58

Ok, well go and get them, because presumably they have school tomorrow, then don't release them again until you have agreed what happens in future.

Original poster
AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 16:59

I told him last week I couldn't to half way point anymore he was pissy but came all the way to pick them up, he has said he will bring to the half point now but I must agree to keep doing it on friday from now on too.

OP posts:
ChaChaChaCh4nges · 11/02/2018 16:59

So you usually meet half way for both him collecting them and him returning them? But last Friday he had to drive all the way to yours? Did you agree that between you, or did you just decide? I can see that if you effectively doubled his drive on Friday then he might reasonably ask you to do all the drive today - although he’s a shit for not raising it before now.

Is it a permanent change, or a one off?

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 11/02/2018 17:00

Cross post - well, he’s got a point, hasn’t he?

Who moved away?

gamerchick · 11/02/2018 17:00

You’ll have to go and get them,

Then go back to court for a more detailed contact order.

MadMags · 11/02/2018 17:00

Why did you stop meeting halfway?

How much notice did you give?

Who moved further away?

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 11/02/2018 17:02

Confused it sounds like you're the one in the wrong then. The agreement has been 50/50 transport, you changed it so he did all the driving for pick up, so surely it's fair for you to collect them? Either that or you go back to the old agreement.

Unless there's a reason why the agreement should change (and you've actually discussed it and agreed with him) I don't see why hes unreasonable not to assume full responsibility for all the transport

lalalalyra · 11/02/2018 17:02

I told him last week I couldn't to half way point anymore he was pissy but came all the way to pick them up, he has said he will bring to the half point now but I must agree to keep doing it on friday from now on too.

Who moved the 2 hours away - him or you?

DriggleDraggle · 11/02/2018 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DullAndOld · 11/02/2018 17:02

well if you have a car and you have enough petrol I suggest you go and get them Confused
I know sometimes these things grate but as single parents we just have to suck it up...
(remembers paying over 60 quid for wait and return mini cab so ex could have the kids at Xmas, the neglectful shit)

Original poster
AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 17:02

I found the journey too much and pretty much took up all my Friday and Sunday, if he want to see them should he not put in the effort?

OP posts: