Ex didn't return kids.

[AngryMom1]

So kids where due back to me at 3, when they did not come by 3:30 I rang my ex to find at what he was playing at and he told me he tought as I changed pickup arragements on friday that from now own I would be driving the 2hrs to pick them up.

I am furioius, what can I do to make him bring them back.

[LizardMonitor]

Well, presumably the OP has gone to get them.

Op, you are getting a hard time here because of lack of communication; explaining how you are 2 hours apart, and seeming to demonstrate that you didn’t actually communicate that well with your ex about the change to the arrangement, or any other conversation about how they would come home.

I can see that owning a car is a massive expense as a single parent, but if you moved away, you need to think about access.

I hope you get the kids home without too much hassle, and can sort something out that is fair, manageable and well-communicated next time.

[Feckitall]

Words fail me...it isn't about you..it is about what is best for the DC...he is their father...whether you like it or not good enough to have the DC with ...if you move the goal posts don't expect him to just fall in line...and if you can't put DC first leave them with their dad!

Disclaimer: I may projecting after DS hasn't seen his DC for 2 weeks because of a woman who moved goalposts and thinks she is the only one who matters.. [anger]

[billybagpuss]

if he was the one who moved away you need to go back to court to renegotiate. If you were, suck it up and do your bit.

[43percentburnt]

What about one of you driving one way and the other driving back? Then it’s not dominating two days. Personally I’d do the Friday, then the weekend is my own. Presumably you’d be back by 9pm so could still meet friends. Or early night.

[Bluelady]

Who really and truthfully wants to give up theirs car? Especially if they've got children. This is so reminiscent of my stepchildren' mother's behaviour. Unreasonable, nasty and petty.

[43percentburnt]

Though in fairness I guess if you didn’t collect today he would be stuck for work tomorrow?

[BookHelpPlease]

YABU!

Don't have children if you can't put the effort in!

You should want your children to have a relationship with their dad. It's not their fault you aren't together.

[BiologyMatters]

You can't just move the goalposts because you can't be bothered any more.

[CurlyRover]

If he moved away I could partially understand where you're coming from although you can't just unilaterally decide to go back on an agreement without some discussion / advanced warning.

If you moved away then unfortunately even though a car is a massive expensive you do need one as it's on you to facilitate contact and meeting halfway is very reasonable. Don't be that dick who tries to score points as the only ones who get hurt will be your DC.

As others have suggested can you change it so one of you travels the full journey one day and one of you travels the full journey another day? Why does he need to drop off at 3? That seems really early and no wonder he's pissed at having to drive the full way by 3 as that cuts into his very limited time he has with them. Can you look at him keeping them until 6/7 (depending on ages).

[WitchesHatRim]

You chose to change the terms of contact not him.

I find it also quite telling you won't say who moved.

[mikeyssister]

I don't think OP is coming back.

[Kidssendingmenuts]

I'm sorry but I think your the one in the wrong.
Clearly there has been some miscommunication regarding pick up for today but you need to go and get them on this occasion as he did travel all the way to you Friday. It's only fair.
Also you can't just changed your mind because "it's too much for you" what about him? Don't you think it's too much for him?
You chose to move 2 hrs away and I think it's only fair that you meet halfway.
Sounds like your being as awkward as possible, my x is like this and I despise him for it because it's his way or no way, and to be honest you sound the same!

[StinkPickle]

Let’s assume due to lack of update that OP is the one who moved away and therefore is the one who is a dick about all this.

[Lweji]

So, you told him you wouldn't take the children to him and now you're surprised he's telling you he won't take the children to you?

I think the suggestion of one of you driving all the way one day and the other driving all the way the other way was a good one.

[Snowman123]

You changed the pick up arrangement without his agreement. Basically if he wanted to see his kids he had to come get them. Looks like he is now attempting to force you to do the same.

If you moved away, then I think you need to keep doing the 50/50. If he moved away I think you would be reasonable to try and negotiate a different agreement.

[expatinscotland]

Even if he moved away, if it went to court the court would probably still compel either reciprocal transport arrangements or meeting halfway. Because it's about the kids, OP, not about how you don't want to keep a car anymore as it doesn't suit you or you don't fancy a long journey on Friday. Tough shit.

[gobbynorthernbird]

I don't think it's a 4 hour round trip, otherwise OP would have said so. My guess is an hour each way.

[MiddleClassProblem]

I would be driving the 2hrs to pick them up

Gosh, you’re right. It sounds like it’s 2 hrs there and 2 hrs back but she could mean a 2 hr round trip which means that 1hr out of a Friday and Sunday has been messing her weekend. Surely it’s got to be 2 now 4hrs? She can’t be that much of a twat that 30 mins there and back was such a put out?

[TryAgainAndAgain]

.

[Lovemusic33]

Op if you were the one that moved away then I think you should be the one that picks them up, it’s not his fault you moved 2 hours away, I can see why he would be pissy.

[Redglitter]

I love how before even starting to get the background the 4th reply on the thread was the MN favourite of phoning 101

I'd say by the deafening silence it's the OP who's moved house not the ex

[BewareOfDragons]

There are valid reasons for people to move after separating from partners. I'm assuming OP moved based on her failure to post that up front or respond to the numerous inquiries.

So ... unless there are extenuating circumstances, which I'm sure you would have noted if there were ...you still have to help facilitate their father seeing his children, especially if you were the one to move. You have a car; you have the ability to meet him; you just don't want to. Too bad. It's not about you; it's about your kids.

[SandyDenny]

I would imagine the deafening silence is because the OP is on her way to get the DC

Whoever moved away the Dad is being a bit of a knob to not have said on Friday that he wouldn't be driving today, it's petty to say nothing and then act innocent today.

[Tink2007]

Sounds like you are trying to point score with your ex and play games.

Are you trying to make him say he won’t see the children because of the travel time so you can play good cop to the kids and make it seem like he doesn’t want to see them despite it being you putting the road block up?