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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex didn't return kids.

190 replies

AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 16:48

So kids where due back to me at 3, when they did not come by 3:30 I rang my ex to find at what he was playing at and he told me he tought as I changed pickup arragements on friday that from now own I would be driving the 2hrs to pick them up.

I am furioius, what can I do to make him bring them back.

OP posts:
DriggleDraggle · 11/02/2018 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyDcAreMarvel · 11/02/2018 17:03

He is right really.

MadMags · 11/02/2018 17:03

No, not necessarily.

It sounds like you were a bit of a knob, and now he’s being a knob, too!

gobbynorthernbird · 11/02/2018 17:04

Erm, he did. Does you not going to collect them mean that you don't give a shit?

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 11/02/2018 17:04

I found the journey too much and pretty much took up all my Friday and Sunday, if he want to see them should he not put in the effort?

I imagine he felt the same - and all you’ve done is reduce the time he can be with the DCs because of the extra travelling.

Again, who moved away?

Zucker · 11/02/2018 17:05

So you changed the agreement on Friday and you're now shocked that he's turned the tables back on you?

mickeysminnie · 11/02/2018 17:05

Does be have work tomorrow? I would be tempted to leave him figure out how to get them to school in the morning while goimg to work.

DriggleDraggle · 11/02/2018 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 17:05

But I want to give up my car I don't need it anymore, I can walk to everywhere I need so it's a wasted expense. He knows this but doesn't care.

OP posts:
TheFishInThePot · 11/02/2018 17:06

Which one of you put two hours between your homes? You have a point if he moved away.

lalalalyra · 11/02/2018 17:06

I found the journey too much and pretty much took up all my Friday and Sunday, if he want to see them should he not put in the effort?

If he moved 2 hours away then, yeah, he probably should put the effort in.

If you moved you and the kids then you should absolutely do half of the journeys.

Either way a weeks notice to double his journey is really poor.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 17:06

Sorry I think you’re being difficult. If it takes up the whole two days driving 2 hours then you should move the times. Why can’t he have them a bit later on the Sunday so you get more time? Also it’s an odd time on the Friday. How old are they?

ButchyRestingFace · 11/02/2018 17:06

if he want to see them should he not put in the effort?

If you want them back, should you not put in the effort to go collect them?

He should have told you before 3.30pm on the Sunday though.

titchy · 11/02/2018 17:06

But you DO need you car to support contact.... tough I'm afraid. Don't be a dick.

Aridane · 11/02/2018 17:06

I think it’s a case of ‘you started it’

DriggleDraggle · 11/02/2018 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 11/02/2018 17:07

But I want to give up my car I don't need it anymore, I can walk to everywhere I need so it's a wasted expense. He knows this but doesn't care.

Really not his problem.

I assume you’re the one who moved, as you won’t answer the question.

upsideup · 11/02/2018 17:07

I think you are being unreasonable OP, your agreement (which is a completely fair agreement) was that you did the shared pick up and drop off journeys 50/50.
You for whatever reason broke that agrrement and said you wouldnt be doing pick up journeys 50/50, he then drove the full journey to pick up his kids, why should he have to drive to drop them off to you as well? If you want them go and pick them up like he did.

MyDcAreMarvel · 11/02/2018 17:07

But you do need your car so you can drive your dc.

gobbynorthernbird · 11/02/2018 17:07

You can't walk to everywhere you need because you need to facilitate contact. This may mean one parent driving one day, and another two days later, or both doing half way. Whatever, you can't get rid of the car.

JaneEyre70 · 11/02/2018 17:08

Instead of posting on here, get in your car and go and get them.

Then go back to court and re-negotiate. You can't both play tit for tat with your kids, you will destroy them in the process.

DullAndOld · 11/02/2018 17:08

right so instead of going to get your children, in your car, who are probably feeling upset and confused right now, you are going to spend your time pontificating on mumsnet about how you want to give up your car.
when I saw your thread title, I thought Oh no! that poor woman! now I just think 'poor children'.
Go on, off you pop, it is time for you set off now.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 17:08

But this is part of your lifestyle, just because it’s the one time you’re using the car it’s still needed.

Leiaorganashair · 11/02/2018 17:08

Who moved away? I would never in a million years drive all the way to my ex's, but he's the one who moved.

MinnieMousse · 11/02/2018 17:08

What is fair in this situation very much depends on who moved away. The onus is usually on the parent who moved to arrange the transport, although I would have thought it would be reasonable for the other parent to help out from time to time, simply to facilitate their children having a good relationship with the non-resident parent.

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