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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex didn't return kids.

190 replies

AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 16:48

So kids where due back to me at 3, when they did not come by 3:30 I rang my ex to find at what he was playing at and he told me he tought as I changed pickup arragements on friday that from now own I would be driving the 2hrs to pick them up.

I am furioius, what can I do to make him bring them back.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 20:08

How can you tell it’s the same person? I didn’t read the other thread

RunningOutOfCharge · 11/02/2018 20:09

So I'm guessing he pays maintenance and she gets tax credits and child benefit

That's to support the child and ensure the child has what it needs..... including a relationship with the other parent. Which should be a priority after the necessities

Ikanon · 11/02/2018 20:17

Good luck with him getting them to school tomorrow. Or if it's half term what's he going to do with them all week.

I'd do a Mexican stand off and see if he brings them back. But then I'm petty!

lovemylover · 11/02/2018 20:18

The police can do something, when my son and his partner split up, he brought his 2 boys here and she rang the police and the police came and took them beck home
So ring and tell them you cant pick them up as he will cause a scene,and might still not let you bring them home

upsideup · 11/02/2018 20:23

tell them you cant pick them up as he will cause a scene,and might still not let you bring them home

So lie and waste police time?
He has said she can come and pick them up, he just assumed she would be driving to pick them up and she changed arangements and made him drive to pick them up.

MinorRSole · 11/02/2018 20:24

A Mexican stand off? Using the police as a taxi service? Ffs - parents are meant to be adults and resolve issues sensibly and maturely.

Leiaorganashair · 11/02/2018 20:26

Police getting involved when the other parent is refusing to hand over the kids and violating a contact arrangement is a bit different to this though.

The OP is a selfish idiot and has been played at her own game. Her ex is not refusing to give her the kids back. He is just refusing to do all the driving because she doesn't want to do her fair share.

Redglitter · 11/02/2018 20:29

The police can do something, when my son and his partner split up, he brought his 2 boys here and she rang the police and the police came and took them beck home

And people wonder why the police are over stretched. That's a disgrace. Hopefully if the OP tries a similar stunt her local force will have more sense & not entertain her

Quiddichcup · 11/02/2018 20:30

Just to say this isn't the same person from Friday as that was me.

Eatalot · 11/02/2018 20:32

I really dont get why pp think it is a mums responsibility to drop kids to dad. If he wants to see them then he should go get them and drop back. Ffs the mother does all the parenting and running round after kids all week. Some lazy ass dads just want their cake.

QuitMoaning · 11/02/2018 20:39

@Eatalot
Because it is in the children’s best interests to have a good relationship with their father. Sometime I think single mothers forget to think of this.

If you were to say to your children “you cannot see your father as he won’t travel to see you and I spend all week running around after you and don’t want to do this”, how would they think?
So,times being a parent is about sucking it up and putting yourself out.

tillytrotter1 · 11/02/2018 20:40

Some lazy ass dads just want their cake.

Sounds like a description of the OP rather than the father. These are children, not casino chips. Too many women have this Mother Superior attitude when in fact they have no more rights than a loving father, just because they incubated their chicks. If they don't want to 'parent' their children then let the father have full time custody.

Jaxhog · 11/02/2018 20:42

Who moved? If it was you, then you have to make the journey. If it was him., then he does. Does the court even know?

I do see his point though. If you can't now be bothered to do the drive then he has every reason to be mad. If you moved location, then even more. Go get them.

Qvar · 11/02/2018 20:49

No he's being fair. The agreement is you both travel half way fridays and sundays. Not that you should suddenly refuse your end of the bargain and sell your damned car!

SO he did the whole drive on Friday - it's your turn

honeyroar · 11/02/2018 21:00

Eatalot a lot of these "lazy ass dads" would do more of the parenting given a chance - but the mothers won't let them have more days. My husband would have jumped at the chance to see his son more days a week, but their mother wouldn't let him.

ThisLittleKitty · 11/02/2018 21:11

Not my experience of the police. My sister called them when her ex took her son and the police attended but wouldn't get him back despite there being previous violence (all they done was a welfare check and was satisfied her son was safe) she waited two weeks for him to return her son.

LizardMonitor · 11/02/2018 21:33

Got to love AIBU.

Posters saying ‘I don’t think tne OP is coming back’ at a time she would obviously be driving.

Posters saying ‘call the police’, asserting that they will go and get the kids: what a comforting, re-assuring, totally non-upsetting experience THAT would be for the kids.

Posters advocating leaving them there for him to get to school: ditto.

Poor kids.

AIBU does bring out the ^best* in MNers.

Butterymuffin · 11/02/2018 21:34

Doubt OP will come back given that the thread overwhelmingly disagrees with her view.

Newnaime · 11/02/2018 21:42

I can't be bothered to go and find the exact quote but "if he wants to see them surely he should make the effort?"
If you want your kids back surely you should make the effort.
Nice work dragging your children into a shitty situation. Take it from someone that grew up with parents at each others throats, you may win a battle but you will lose your children if you continue revolving your life around point scoring instead of them!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 11/02/2018 22:12

I really dont get why pp think it is a mums responsibility to drop kids to dad.

If she chose to move it is very much so.

It isn't for either parents benefit it's for the DC.

Some lazy ass dads just want their cake.

Some people think mother's can do no wrong, it seems.

PushMyButton · 11/02/2018 22:46

I'm my situation, my ex left. He then moved even further- all his choice. He has to travel.

Also, he has 12 nights out of every 14 to himself... Without the constant worry and responsibility of the kids. I need those few 48 hours to rest and reset and be me... And accepting that is part of caring for the children- because it helps me be better for them.

BlackeyedSusan · 11/02/2018 22:51

I feel sorry for the dada in this as you have put him in a difficult situation. maybe he has not made the best decision to keep them, but I expect he is mightily pissed off at you changing the arrangements on Friday

BlackeyedSusan · 11/02/2018 22:52

dad ffs.

also feel v sorry for the children stuck in the middle.

GatoradeMeBitch · 11/02/2018 23:01

You might suggest to your ex that he makes the Friday journey and you do Sunday, or vice versa. One long journey instead of two short journeys frees up the other day and cuts out any potential waiting around?

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 11/02/2018 23:37

Is it not half term in most places then?

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