Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex didn't return kids.

190 replies

AngryMom1 · 11/02/2018 16:48

So kids where due back to me at 3, when they did not come by 3:30 I rang my ex to find at what he was playing at and he told me he tought as I changed pickup arragements on friday that from now own I would be driving the 2hrs to pick them up.

I am furioius, what can I do to make him bring them back.

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 11/02/2018 18:30

I think this may be a reverse

InsomniacAnonymous · 11/02/2018 18:31

YABVVVU and completely selfish. As for the person who told you to ring the police, that is so ridiculous. I hope the OP has gone to get her children and it sounds as though it would be better to go back to meeting halfway. Why the hell do you expect him to drive all the way both times?

Lweji · 11/02/2018 18:31

Whoever moved away the Dad is being a bit of a knob to not have said on Friday that he wouldn't be driving today, it's petty to say nothing and then act innocent today.

So, you're saying the OP is a bit of a knob for deciding that if the dad wanted to see the children (and the children got to see their dad) he'd have to drive all the way?
And petty for not discussing it but imposing it on the ex?

GatoradeMeBitch · 11/02/2018 18:37

Whoever moved away, remember that this isn't for him, it's for the children you both share. If you go back to court, I'd imagine them to not be very sympathetic if you moved away. More so if he moved.

GatoradeMeBitch · 11/02/2018 18:38

Why the hell do you expect him to drive all the way both times?

If he moved away I would absolutely expect him to. Mind you, if she moved away halfway is the least she could do.

MinorRSole · 11/02/2018 18:42

When my ex moved away I dropped the children off and he dropped them back. I was trying to keep things civil and peaceful for the children. He stopped seeing them anyway but at least I know that I put them first and tried to facilitate contact as best I could.

It's our job as parents to compromise as best we can

notapizzaeater · 11/02/2018 18:45

He should have told you before now , if you'd had a drink it would be too late, that aside unless he moved away why should he have to drive both ways.

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 11/02/2018 18:56

If he moved away I would absolutely expect him to. Mind you, if she moved away halfway is the least she could do.

Jesus Christ, double standards at its best. Why not expect her to drive the whole way if she moved? Why only halfway?

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2018 19:06

I remember your post from Friday OP. you changed plans last minute and he had to like it or lump it. Even if he moved away and the split was his fault, you still share the responsibility for the kids seeing both parents.

If its 2 hours drive and you do half way meeting how does that take up all Fri and Sunday? Its 2'5 hrs top. Hard on a Friday after work and school perhaps but you expect him to do a 4 hour round trip twice a weekend?

Flipflopflipflap · 11/02/2018 19:06

YAbu

upsideup · 11/02/2018 19:20

If he moved away I would absolutely expect him to. Mind you, if she moved away halfway is the least she could do.

Male moves away = he should absolutely do 100% of driving
Female moves away = only expected to do half of driving

I guess that does make perfect sense and seem completely fair and reasonable.

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 11/02/2018 19:29

both of you sound pretty awful using your poor kids as pawns in your arguments

hungryhippo90 · 11/02/2018 19:30

I’m sorry that your kids haven’t come back, please update if you’ve managed to get them.

Our solicitor told us a few years ago, DDs Dad shouldn’t be expected to do more than 50% of travel- even though he’s the one who moved an hour away! So maybe it’s best to agree to do 50% of travel incase he takes it back to court and you’re ordered to do so anyway.

Do all you can to make the co parenting relationship easier. He may be a twat, but honestly. Be accomodating, do all you can to make the dealings with him as nice as possible, or your going to have nothing but drama until the kids are 18.

I went through years of hell with DDs dad before he just disappeared. I was the one doing all the running about and I was picked to pieces, he literally wouldn’t stop until I had a breakdown. It’s better for the kids if parents can be amicable. A couple of hours driving every few weeks really isn’t worth the kind of stress where your kids don’t know where they’ll be waking up on a Monday.

clearingaspaceforthecat · 11/02/2018 19:34

What is in the best interest of your children needs to influence all of your decisions.
Do not give up your car if it is going to make contact arrangements difficult.
Simple as that.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 19:37

If op has gone and it is 4hrs drive hopefully we’ll get answers after 9 something...

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 19:37

But then if he’s gone half way she should be back now/soon

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 19:38

On a first priority should be reporting to us bot sorting her kids outGrin

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 11/02/2018 19:42

If this is real I pity the children stuck in the middle of this puerile point scoring nonsense

Adrianflank · 11/02/2018 19:42

If this was the same women that posted the other day, the ex is in the forces and had to move away

VladmirsPoutine · 11/02/2018 19:49

Does anyone know if the OP did go and get the kids or are we going to engage in further 'he said, she did, poor children' discourse?

freelancedolly · 11/02/2018 20:02

It's a nonsense to think that it matters who moved away. It doesn't matter. It's what's reasonable and what works best for the children.

I moved an extra 45 mins away from my ex. Our court order previously had said he was to do all the travel. Clearly this was unreasonable once I'd moved, so I offered to share it. One of us drops off, the other brings them back.

OP I hope you are on your way to collect them and that all goes smoothly, but I honestly can't believe you thought you'd be able to offload an extra 4 hours of driving over a weekend, so your ex goes from having 4 hours driving up to 8, and you go from having 4 hours down to zero. It's ludicrously unfair and will impact the time he has with the children.

Flamingo84 · 11/02/2018 20:04

Yes @adrianflank, and if I remember correctly she said she couldn’t meet him half way originally as she didn’t have money for petrol and if she filled up she couldn’t afford food for herself on the weekend. I think it’s the same person.

CalleighDoodle · 11/02/2018 20:05

sadly YABU op. if he was the one who moved, id back you up though. my ex moved two towns over and so he did the driving.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 11/02/2018 20:07

I'm sure this is the woman who couldnt afford the petrol money. IIRC, he was the one who moved away.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 11/02/2018 20:07

OP you are being an unbelievable dick. I really hope the reason you're not responding is because you are driving to get your kids.

Swipe left for the next trending thread