In thinking it’s too soon for DD to be trying for a baby

[WinterAx]

My DD is getting married in September 2018 and whilst chatting today she mentioned how excited her and DF are to have a baby. When I mentioned this would not be for a while yet, she said they hope it’ll be shortly after their marriage if they’re lucky!

I have to admit I do feel a little disappointed. DD is only 24 and it seems such a young age to be intentionally trying for a baby. Her DF is quite a bit older (33) and I wonder this could be the cause of the sudden urgency. They’re a lovely couple, been together for 4 years, own a home together and have well paid jobs...so technically there is nothing wrong with it. I just feel it’s a huge waste of her younger years when she has plenty of time to think about having children.

I don’t want to upset her, but I also can’t help but want to give her my opinion. AIBU? Hearing your opinions and personal experiences would really help here!

Absolutely none of your business.

I get where you're coming from (and I'd feel the same) but ultimately she's an adult in a stable long-term relationship and it's her decision alone.

It’s none of your business. If she wants kids now and they’re in a good position to support one, butt out. There’s no way that conversation ends happily.

YABU. Please don’t tell her that. It’s her choice to make.

Her decision not yours. Yabu

What age would it be acceptable for her to try for a baby?

I can understand the shock and emotions you're feeling but do take some time to calm down, YABU.

I was pregnant with DS1 when I was 22.

I got together with DH age 22 and he was 32. Married at 26/36. First baby at 30/40.

I LOVED those first four years of married life. Lovely house, loads of disposable income, 4 holidays a year. Brilliant. Now things are qually brilliant but in a different way.

But, my friends who had their first babies at 25 are now finished and will have their lives back much sooner.

Do you have a good, close relationship with your DD? If so I think it would be ok for you to very gently mention that you’ve always thought it’s lovely to just be married for a couple of years before starting a family. But then say that of course you know it’s her decision and leave it there.

I'd be worried too but ultimately her choice and you can only guide her.

If worry that she was being pressured into it given his age and that the age gap may cause issues later on. He must be her first serious partner given her age so realistically the chances of it lasting are slim and she's the one likely to be left with the baby.

Sounds great. I'm on DS2 now at 39. Is have loved to have children earlier but didn't meet the right person until later.

It's really not any of your business, especially as you yourself say they're a nice couple, happy and will have been together about 5 years by the time they get married. Not really much rushing there so far as I can see.

YABU, its her choice and if you want to start this whole process off with being unsupportive then expect to not be involved with the child. I couldn't have a grandparent be that involved if I'm reminded constantly that said grandparent didn't want my baby to exist.

Um, YABU! 24 is not ridiculously young to have a baby. With any luck they will love having kids and then get to enjoy their lives/careers even more as the kids are older and more independent.

I had mine at 22 and I’d totally change everything if I was to do it again.

But trust me when a woman wants to TTC you’ve got no chance of getting through to her. Maternal mode is fully switched on

She is an adult. It's her business, decision and life. 24, so she will be 25 when she marries next year? 25 is not that young to be starting a family.

It's absolutely none of your business. Your DD is a grown adult, soon to be married. You've no right at all to give her your uninvited opinion on when she should have children.

I'd say in your mid twenties in a long term relationship where you are both in well paid jobs would be pretty much the textbook ideal time to start trying for a baby
Your assuming it will happen quickly. It took me 4 years with dh and I was only 20.

YABU

24 is young, but not extremely young. They sound like they're in the ideal position to start trying for a baby. What would you have her do instead?

I had my baby just a couple of years older than her and couldn't be happier.

Of course YABU.

@Yellow

They've been together for 4 years and are getting married. Not really anything to suggest their relationship won't last.

When I mentioned this would not be for a while yet

Hahahahahahaahahahahahaha!

Like its something you can control. Bless.

I had my kids in my mid 30s, and I'm 40 now and they're still little. Which is fine, but I know people my age who had them young and are out the other side of child rearing by my age. There's pros and cons to each, but it ultimately comes down to when you me t the right person and feel ready, which it seems like she has.

I expected this to be about someone aged 17 or something!

24, been in a relationship for 4 years, getting married..?! Perfectly normal!

I had my dd aged 23 and then had my son aged 31. I don’t regret having dd when I did at all.

She could easily be 26 before a baby arrives. She'll be fine.

So if she did fall pregnant on their honeymoon, by the time baby arrives she would be almost, or already turned 26? Does that make you feel any better OP?