In thinking it’s too soon for DD to be trying for a baby

[WinterAx]

My DD is getting married in September 2018 and whilst chatting today she mentioned how excited her and DF are to have a baby. When I mentioned this would not be for a while yet, she said they hope it’ll be shortly after their marriage if they’re lucky!

I have to admit I do feel a little disappointed. DD is only 24 and it seems such a young age to be intentionally trying for a baby. Her DF is quite a bit older (33) and I wonder this could be the cause of the sudden urgency. They’re a lovely couple, been together for 4 years, own a home together and have well paid jobs...so technically there is nothing wrong with it. I just feel it’s a huge waste of her younger years when she has plenty of time to think about having children.

I don’t want to upset her, but I also can’t help but want to give her my opinion. AIBU? Hearing your opinions and personal experiences would really help here!

[DeleteOrDecay]

YABU. Do not 'advise' her on anything to do with starting a family unless she specifically asks for it. She is an adult and she probably won't appreciate being given such advice (and nor will her soon to be dh) and will see it as you trying to dictate what she does with her life and when. In short you will come out looking like a mother who doesn't want to let go and let her dc make their own adult decisions.

It sounds like she's in a perfectly good position to start a family. Leave her to it unless you want to cause a rift in your relationship with her.

I had my first at 21 and my life wasn't as together as your dd's is. It's worked out absolutely fine, we have a nice home my dp earns a good wage which in turn has allowed me to be a sahm. Your dd will be fine.

[Theresnonamesleft]

I must be living in a different world to the op. Cannot get past having no social live or anything for 15 years

Even without grandparents involvement there’s both parents parenting so each other can socialise with their mates, go gym etc. And paid childcare for them to go out together.

Just because you gave up 15 years of your own life doesn’t mean this is the norm

[caringcarer]

Her choice to make. You say they have a home a stable relationship. You will love the baby when it arrives.

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

I think it's very much swings and roundabouts. I was 23 when I had my youngest child (so younger than your dd is now). In some ways yes I was too young - although mostly that's because I wasn't in the right relationship or financially great - so not issues your dd has. However, I developed some pretty major health problems, and now in my thirties I probably wouldn't be well enough to ttc or have the capacity to run around after a toddler. So I'm very very glad I had already had my kids, because otherwise I might not have had them at all.

[heateallthebuns]

Op is long gone at this stage!

fwiw I had my first at 35. I'd have preferred to do it earlier. By the time I was 28 travelling, nice meals out etc seemed pointless. I wanted to do something that gave my life real meaning, which for me was having children. But I didn't get married till 31 and then had to have ivf.

Whatever suits each person and how they feel themselves is what is right for them. It's none of your business as it's not your life.

Although, so many of my friends have had to have ivf and / or have had multiple miscarriages in their mid to late 30s. Maybe they would have had a baby more easily if they'd started earlier in their 20s. I feel like my generation was advised to wait and concentrate on our careers and enjoying leisure activities then when we did get round to wanting babies it was really hard for us.

[Todayfrustratingday]

Having suffered infertility and now ending up childless against my wish/desire please let her choose to have children in her twenties if she wants that.