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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They're late... AGAIN!

215 replies

Givemeonereason · 08/12/2017 17:49

Name change for this as I was outed using my old one

So my PIL look after my DS 3 times a week and ever single night they're late.
So they live a 40 minute drive away. They offered to look after DS and they truly are fantastic with him (he's 1). Usually DH or I will meet them half way in the morning and evenings and every single night they're late. Usually by around 15-30 minutes. Tonight I've got here and they text me saying they haven't even left yet so for me to take my time. I'm so annoyed!
DS goes to bed at 7 so now by the time they get here, we drive home, it'll be straight in the bath and into bed so once again, I don't get to see him.
PIL know how hard it was and still is for me to leave him, but due to some major blows in our life, we can't afford for me to not work. It really pisses me off that they can't shift their arses to just get to the meet point on time. There is no reason for it other than just being unorganised. DH is the same so he doesn't see a problem with it. I can't whinge about this to him as he is very protective of his parents and in his eyes they can do no wrong.
AIBU to expect a pair of grown ups to be able to somewhere on time?

OP posts:
chiaseeddisapointmentagain · 08/12/2017 17:51

Look after him yourself then.

MissionItsPossible · 08/12/2017 17:51

Have you spoken to them about it and told them it pisses you off? What was their response?

PersianCatLady · 08/12/2017 17:52

Personally I wouldn't say anything yet.

BrutusMcDogface · 08/12/2017 17:52

I understand how annoying this is for you but you can't really complain to them if they're looking after your child for free (imo).

QueenLaBeefah · 08/12/2017 17:53

Bloody hell - they are effectively giving you thousands of pounds of year by providing you with free childcare. If they don't meet up to your standards book (and pay for) a nursery.

Original poster
Givemeonereason · 08/12/2017 17:53

Look after him yourself then.

At work? I don't think my boss would be okay with that...

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 08/12/2017 17:53

Presumably they are saving you a lot of money as you don't have to pay for childcare?

Original poster
Givemeonereason · 08/12/2017 17:54

I've mentioned it as nicely as I can how much I look forward to spending time with him in the evenings and they just tell me to relax and that it isn't important as he doesn't know the difference anyways.

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 08/12/2017 17:54

They're putting themselves out a lot more than they're putting you out!

GoEasyPudding · 08/12/2017 17:54

Rediscover the feeling of gratitude, it will help when the PIL aren't running strictly to your schedule.

Schlimbesserung · 08/12/2017 17:55

I think I'd just start collecting him from their house.

BrutusMcDogface · 08/12/2017 17:55

If it's only three evenings a week, presumably you have him for four.

Osolea · 08/12/2017 17:55

Can't you offer to go all the way to theirs to pick up instead?

GreenTulips · 08/12/2017 17:56

Tell your DH to collect him!!!! See how much it pisses him off -

Original poster
Givemeonereason · 08/12/2017 17:56

They are saving us money, I completely appreciate that.
They offered to look after him when I went back to work.
I have tried just saying I'll pick him up from theirs but the few times I've done that they've been out with him and not answered their phones.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 08/12/2017 17:56

Yes you are sounding a bit spoilt, tbh. I agree with the idea of going to theirs to pick him up. Why should they drive 40 mins each way, twice a day (!!), on top of free childcare?

Tiredeypops · 08/12/2017 17:57

I get that they are helping you out but that would piss me off too tbh. Does DP not want you to spend quality time with him? Things like this is why paying for childcare is sometimes the easier option (difficult if you're struggling though)

Ragwort · 08/12/2017 17:57

I think you are over reacting when someone is kind enough to provide you with free childcare ......... if you are missing him for '15-30 minutes' then just keep him up 15-30 minutes later - it's really not the end of the world Hmm. And honestly, your 1 year old DS won't know the difference whether he spends those minutes with you in the evening or not.

Chill out.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2017 17:57

Ok OP you have to work and them having DS is probably what's keeping you above float so yeah blah blah as per other replies they're awesome.

However it is a massive PITA if you're parked at the meet point for 30 minutes whulat they plod around their house with no concern for returning him. Its masisbely inconsiderate or manipulative.
Just tell them you will drive and collect him as this time of year with the weather its not ok for you to be parked up somewhere for god knows how long whilst they dither . phrase it nicer obviously

JoyceDivision · 08/12/2017 17:57

Pick ds up from their house instead. You arrive when good for you and can decide when to leave, they'll appreciate money saved on petrol that they have to pay out for bringing him back.

Xoticdreamz · 08/12/2017 17:59

My mum and dad are always late for everything. I add half an hour onto every meet .. which is fine if it's my house or somewhere I can keep myself amused but this is not the same case for you .
I really think you just have to be honest, tell them how it is affecting you , it does but have to be said in a horrible way in fact they might mistakenly be thinking they are doing you a favour by keeping him longer.

Tinselistacky · 08/12/2017 18:00

If they are retired do they simply not grasp that some people live to a schedule? Your dh needs to tell them that your ds needs to be seeing you for a bit before he is shipped up to bed!! It's him that needs to see you not just vice versa!!

FreshStartToday · 08/12/2017 18:01

Unfortunately because of the way you have worded this, and put it in AIBU most posters are going to say yes, YABU.

I get it, it's not nice for you to have to work, and then not to be able to see your ds in the week. Your ILs comment that he won't know the difference between them and you is also hurtful, as you are his mum. Of course he knows the difference - and so do you! However, you are working to give him a good home, and you have him, hopefully all weekend and you may just have to accept this in this modern world.

Try to find a positive - he is safe and with people he loves; you have family support that is saving you a lot of money; bathtime can be a really fun time; you have a healthy happy baby and a home to come home to together in the evenings; life doesn't have to be the same for everyone to be good. You can adapt the picture in your head of what you wanted it to be, to fit in with how it has to be - it can still be good.

HTH

PersianCatLady · 08/12/2017 18:01

Why don't you just adjust the time that you would like your DS brought home by 15-20 minutes?

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 08/12/2017 18:02

The responses on Mumsnet always amuse me, I mean who wouldn’t be annoyed at having to wait at a pick up point for 30 mins almost every time?! And whilst the grandparents are doing a big favour, they get something out of the relationship top of course so it isn’t all one sided. I don’t think you should worry about not seeing him for 3 evenings of the week before bed / if you work it is what it is and much better to get over that than waste life feeling guilty when he is perfectly happy. I do think you should say do they want to meet later so you can arrive at the same time or since you meet half way just ask them to text when they leave.

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