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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They're late... AGAIN!

215 replies

Givemeonereason · 08/12/2017 17:49

Name change for this as I was outed using my old one

So my PIL look after my DS 3 times a week and ever single night they're late.
So they live a 40 minute drive away. They offered to look after DS and they truly are fantastic with him (he's 1). Usually DH or I will meet them half way in the morning and evenings and every single night they're late. Usually by around 15-30 minutes. Tonight I've got here and they text me saying they haven't even left yet so for me to take my time. I'm so annoyed!
DS goes to bed at 7 so now by the time they get here, we drive home, it'll be straight in the bath and into bed so once again, I don't get to see him.
PIL know how hard it was and still is for me to leave him, but due to some major blows in our life, we can't afford for me to not work. It really pisses me off that they can't shift their arses to just get to the meet point on time. There is no reason for it other than just being unorganised. DH is the same so he doesn't see a problem with it. I can't whinge about this to him as he is very protective of his parents and in his eyes they can do no wrong.
AIBU to expect a pair of grown ups to be able to somewhere on time?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2017 20:31

O second the earlier suggestion of sending DH to collect. A few weeks of sitting in a cold, dark maybe for 30 minutes will soon help Jim understand your position and he can then talk to them too.

I think telling you it doesn't matter because DS doesbt understand is really mean. Of course he knows the difference between his parents and grandparents

Itsnotmesothere · 08/12/2017 20:33

If it's free childcare, you'll have to bite your tongue. If you want control, you will have to pay for childcare. If you can't afford childcare, then you can't afford to work thst job.

Sparrowlegs248 · 08/12/2017 20:33

I understand where you're coming from OP especially if you didn't want to be back at work yet. I used to get quite stressed and anxious about my parents providing childcare. My pil are great, very reliable etc. My parents are also great but much more relaxed (erratic. ....) and would do the same.

I'd change the arrangement so that you pick him up from them, and specify that you will pick him up at a certain time.

CupOfFrothyCoffee · 08/12/2017 21:01

*You have pulled your opinion out of your arse.

Not once has the OP came across as ungrateful. It's just more fun to make shit up on AIBU isn't it?*

I'll say this again, maybe read slowly..that.^.is..just..your..opinion.it..does..not..mean..you..are...right.

worridmum · 08/12/2017 21:06

why dont you go pick them up then? instead of moaning about them being late how about you drive / use public transport to go pick them up (or learn to drive if you cannot).

Ethylred · 08/12/2017 21:06

You have wonderful parents-in-law. They adore your child, otherwise they wouldn't be happy to have him with them so much, and they do you a massive favour. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself and stop whining.

RadioGaGoo · 08/12/2017 21:09

Christ there are some jealous people on here. Enjoy your free childcare OP - some people can't contain themselves.

Jonsey79 · 08/12/2017 21:15

Pay for childcare then, like everyone else.

RestingGrinchFace · 08/12/2017 21:17

Beggars can't be choosers. Maybe try to get a better paid job so that you can afford to pay for childcare?

user789653241 · 08/12/2017 21:41

I think with 1 year old, it's quite hard to be on time. Soiled clothes, nappy changes, etc.
My ds never went to bed at 7 or even 8. He is totally fine.
Maybe relax a little about sleep routine?

StarWarsFanatic · 08/12/2017 21:41

For what it's worth, I don't think YABU. I say this as someone who is late for everything. I know it inconveniences people & I feel awful about it. I can read a clock but I have no grasp of time. On the occasions I leave in plenty of time something will hold me up, e.g. busses not arriving, taxi being stupidly late, road works, etc.

I would talk to them about not being contactable though, that would bother me a lot. I would also consider maybe arranging to pick him up in future.

AskBasil · 08/12/2017 21:49

You haven't come across as ungrateful OP.

It's just that a lot of people are nasty cunts and jealous of the fact that you get free childcare.

Enjoy it and enjoy your baby. Smile Wine

pinklemonade84 · 08/12/2017 21:54

*Yeah, if someone is helping your ass out by looking after your kids, FOR FREE, you better believe you should be bowing at their feet in gratitude!

What a fucking cheek!*

Why should you? There’s different ways of showing gratitude than giving someone free reign to do what they want.

OP has pointed out that she has already mentioned them being late yet it is still consistently happening. Too right I’d be upset if it was me sat in my car waiting for someone who knew what time I wanted to meet up.

It seems with some people the OP can’t win. Because, had she posted that she kept getting stuck in traffic and she was the one consistently late and her in laws where upset with this, then she would have still got the roasting that she has done from some people on here, if not worse!

Givemeallthechocolate · 08/12/2017 21:54

In the nicest possible way, they are doing you a massive favour, you cannot broach this subject without sounding very ungrateful indeed.

Maybe dress it up as, oh no, you already do so much for us, let me pick him up from your house instead of you being out in the dark etc etc.

Peregrina · 08/12/2017 23:29

One thing would bother me would be the split journey. DGS goes to sleep as soon as he's put in his car seat at the end of the afternoon. We wouldn't like to wake him after twenty minutes to transfer him, although I suspect he'd drop off again. One 40 minute sleep would be better for him.

Jubejube1 · 09/12/2017 00:53

I think you should appreciate the free childcare!!! Suck it up! Or look after him yourself.

huha · 09/12/2017 01:04

First child?

You're being really PFB.

DancingOnParsnips · 09/12/2017 02:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Givemeonereason · 09/12/2017 06:54

@Peregrina he doesn't sleep in the car much so it's not a problem for him

OP posts:
CaptainHarville · 09/12/2017 07:19

I think some people have been horrible to you OP. You want to spend time with your baby that's natural. I'd arrange to collect from your inlaws. If you're waiting up to 30 minutes anyway you may as well.

CercoCasa · 09/12/2017 07:29

Can t u just ask them for a loan so you dont have to work and then pay them back when you sell the house? Simple

Original poster
Givemeonereason · 09/12/2017 07:30

Thanks to those who haven't just been nasty for the sake of it.
Just to reiterate:
• we can't afford for me not to work. We will lose the house
• we can't afford full time childcare, or again, we will lose the house
• the inlaws offered before our financial troubles began and have been amazing throughout
• I had a very different, well paying job before falling pregnant. Now we have nothing and I'm working purely to keep my family afloat.
• I do pay for as much childcare as I can afford (2 days a week)
• I have tried to pick him up from theirs but they are so bad with time keeping they haven't actually been in when I've tried.
• they prefer to meet half way as they tend to go out with him during the day and the half way meet point means they don't have to drive all the way back to their village from wherever they've been. It was their suggestion and it benefits them. I didn't want to put them out by asking them to go home for us to collect him.
• id give absolutely anything to not work and be with my son. He absolutely saved my life and he is my everything.
• I am eternally grateful to my inlaws. Without them I'd have nothing. I know I can never fully repay them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeonereason · 09/12/2017 07:32

Can t u just ask them for a loan so you dont have to work and then pay them back when you sell the house? Simple

Well no. Not simple. They don't have that kind of money.

OP posts:
user789653241 · 09/12/2017 07:39

But why do you need to stick to him going to bed at 7, when it doesn't suit your life style?
If my ds went to bed at 7, my dh never had chance to see him awake. We just adjusted to our life style, that he stayed up later than normal babies. It really didn't affect him anyway.

Original poster
Givemeonereason · 09/12/2017 07:51

I have tried a later bedtime and he wasn't happy. But you're right. A few aggy days will benefit us in the long run

OP posts:
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