They're late... AGAIN!

[Givemeonereason]

Name change for this as I was outed using my old one

So my PIL look after my DS 3 times a week and ever single night they're late.
So they live a 40 minute drive away. They offered to look after DS and they truly are fantastic with him (he's 1). Usually DH or I will meet them half way in the morning and evenings and every single night they're late. Usually by around 15-30 minutes. Tonight I've got here and they text me saying they haven't even left yet so for me to take my time. I'm so annoyed!
DS goes to bed at 7 so now by the time they get here, we drive home, it'll be straight in the bath and into bed so once again, I don't get to see him.
PIL know how hard it was and still is for me to leave him, but due to some major blows in our life, we can't afford for me to not work. It really pisses me off that they can't shift their arses to just get to the meet point on time. There is no reason for it other than just being unorganised. DH is the same so he doesn't see a problem with it. I can't whinge about this to him as he is very protective of his parents and in his eyes they can do no wrong.
AIBU to expect a pair of grown ups to be able to somewhere on time?

You don't really have much choice here you need the childcare so you have to accept the way the GPs provide it. You cant force them to be other than they are. Try and remember all the positives and imagine how much harder your life would be without them.

Keep him up later and find ways to stop stressing.

OP with the colder weather here stress to your PIL that it’s really uncomfortable for you having to sit waiting for them for up to half an hour, that you can’t have the heater on because you will exhaust the battery etc etc.
Maybe if they can visualise you waiting they might get a move on.
I know how difficult it is working full time and being separated from your baby — gone are the days when being a SAHM was the norm and the working mum an exception. Unfortunatelyfor the majority there is no choice. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your own little angel.

I just want to spend time with my son. I find it bizarre that this concept warranted a 'hmm' from someone.
Hear Hear!

why dont you go pick them up then? instead of moaning about them being late how about you drive / use public transport to go pick them up (or learn to drive if you cannot).

OP tried that - they'd be out, and with either no phone or phone turned off, meaning that OP couldn't contact them.

You are BU but I really feel for you OP I'm a working mum and it breaks my heart thinking about all the times I am missing out on and think it should be me doing all this but financially it's not possible. It won't be like this forever OP and I'm sure he loves his Mummy just as much as if he didn't have that extra 30 mins with you but I honestly understand your point.

I don't think YABU. I've been in a similar position and it's frustratingly when you want to see your DC.

I don't get understand the vitriol in this thread!

I would get really frustrated by this. I really would let them know how special that tone is with your DS

Haven't RTFT but why don't you just ask them to meet you 20 minutes earlier from now on... (and then you stick to the usual time)?

People being late for things is one thing that annoys the crap out of me. I get ya OP.

Could you not tell them the time for pick up is 15-30 minutes earlier? You could then leave the normal time knowing they'd be there. Or drive your son the whole way to your in laws.

Firstly......WTF?!
Can t u just ask them for a loan so you dont have to work and then pay them back when you sell the house? Simple

I'm sure the GPs have a full time wage just kicking around just waiting to hand out!

Secondly, OP it seems like your issue is deeper than the GP's drop of time. Try working on coming to terms with returning to work. Perhaps look for a different job that you might enjoy

I get you OP it’s shit. When I went back to work mum looked after DS 3 days a week and he did nursery 2. She was ALWAYS late dropping him off. She was being entirely selfish in wanting to spend extra time with him and therefore forcing him to sit in the car for over an hour instead of 20 minutes. She would text us 5 minutes before she was supposed to drop him off with xyz excuse as to why she was late leaving this time. It’s a 20 minute journey with NO traffic this would be at 4/5 o’clock and she would go down a VERY busy motorway. EVERY SINGLE TIME she dropped him off she would say ‘oh I don’t know why there was so much traffic’ I tried talking to her but it never worked so I bit my tongue because DS loved spending time with her and yes it was saving us money. And yes I was grateful to her even though she martyred herself to the cause. ‘Look at me I’m the worlds best grandma because I quit my job to look after my grandson’

And yes I might sound ungrateful but she wanted to spend time with him more than I needed her for childcare. It caused WW3 when I put him in nursery an extra day ‘I can’t believe your taking him away from me’ she cried when I got pregnant again because she wouldn’t need to look after him and now he’s started school she moans constantly about not getting to see him and that she ‘misses him more than I do’

Thing is though OP I bet they’re never late to pick him up in the morning are they

I'm not sure how long you have been back at work but clearly that is your issue. Plus your financial situation which meant you need to work. Tou hardly mention yr DH - Do you blame him that you need to work?

You need to decide to change your mind how you think about all of this to achieve some calm within yourself. It is hard for most parents when they leave babies to go back to work - you will get used to it. We just have to. Think of the benefits for yr DC of being socialised this way & doing more fun things than they would get at nursery/childminder. The PILs are not your employees so it is not appropriate to be demanding about this. It could have a terrible impact on the family relationship.

All these people telling you on here that being a few minutes late is outrageous, I wonder what world they live in. There are much worse things! Just find something to do in that time eg shopping enroute, listen to a podcast/radio, read if enough light, close your eyes & relax...

When my PFB was a baby it took me ages to get organised to leave the house - it took a while to get quicker. Perhaps they are relearning all that & realising how tiring it is being with a baby all day. And even more tiring (& expensive) to be schlepping about all day to keep him entertained.

I wonder if, as well as resenting having to work, your upbringing might have made it difficult for you to relax & just enjoy the moment/ go with the flow because you have internalised the need to be busy & productive. Do you keep to a precise schedule at weekends? How would your weekdays be if you were at home with him?

The real issue is you missing your son and I get that, it’s obviously not your choice to work and that’s hard.

That said, you do need to work and you can’t change that and you are lucky to have family you can trust with your child. The fact they enjoy him so much and he’s getting out and about having fun with them is a bonus. Try and see the positives of that, now and in the long term - believe me, it’s harder bringing up children without such family support.

Right now I would change his bed time and maybe don’t bath him those nights, although bathing him is spending time with him. Making these fairly small changes seems the easiest solution to me.

Hard as it is, try not to get stressed as your child will notice this, even at that age, and that’s more harmful than an extra half an hour away from you.

Plus your financial situation which meant you need to work. Tou hardly mention yr DH - Do you blame him that you need to work?

Not at all.
It was my circumstances that caused the financial issues.
My DH works very hard but is also very laid back if that makes sense. He doesn't mind his parents being late... half the time he is late! He was late for our first date! Thank god he has an amazing personality of id have ditched him then and there.